Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Johnny Porno ... DOC ...Lindsay Lohan/Linda Lovelace ... And From the Ooops files … Meet the Knucksters ... DOC says ...


To hell with Lindsay Lohan ... how about this:

Order Johnny Porno here:

DOC says: I loved the video, Chaz. Nothing says Attention Whore like shameless self promotion. I'm proud of you. Does that reviewer have any credentials beyond "having a camera"?

Your pal

There is a God and he (or she) is just. Lindsay Lohan has been set free ... and will be heading to the set of Inferno, a biopic about porn star turned anti-porn feminist crusader, Linda Lovelace, a truly tragic story if ever there was one.

Below is the trailer for the documentary about the making of Deep Throat, Inside Deep Throat. It is what juiced me to write Johnny Porno. It is a terrific documentary well worth seeing.

The Ooops files ...

Wars no more?

Ooooops … Insurgents launch a dozen attacks across Iraq … Bombings come one day after U.S. troop levels in Iraq dips below 50,000 …

Look, President clueless, what’s going on in Iraq now will happen thirty seconds after we FINALLY pull out of Afghanistan. That may be worth back-to-back Nobel PEACE Prizes to you, but think of all the American soldiers you can save from dying between now and that fugazy deadline you set (as well as all the innocents over there getting slaughtered for being caught between two war machines).

Horrible Housing News ... that’s what ABC was calling it ... although this pretty much says it all “And while 18 months ago President Obama announced a $75 billion housing program that would help 3-4 million Americans keep their homes, the value of the program is debatable. Slightly more than 400,000 Americans have received permanent mortgage modifications, with SOME LIBERALS now openly complaining that the program was actually more of a backdoor way to help banks, not homeowners.”

Make no mistake, though ... most of those same “SOME LIBERALS” will vote to put Fredo right back in the driver’s seat ... and Wall Street couldn’t be happier.

Ooops, there goes another $100 million ... that’s how much Albert Haynes-worth is worth? The genius who yearly runs the Redskins into the ground, Daniel Snyder, paid $100 million for the slob ... except the superstar defensive tackle/noseguard couldn't pass the basic team conditioning test. So what's the Redskins Conditioning Test?

“The test is two 300 yard shuttles," Wright said. "The first rep has to be in 70 seconds or better; you get three and a half minutes after, and then he has to run the second rep -- that position, O-line/D-line -- would have to run it in 73 seconds. 73 seconds for the second one, and that's the end of the test.”

Wait, shuttles? What are they?

“Straight-line run 25 yards, touch your foot on the line, run back, touch your foot on the line. So it's six times, 300 yards.”

Like my Daddy (Poppa Tommy) used to say: “It’s a good country, America.”

Roger (“hurry, gimme my dynabol”) Clemens seems to be showing some angst (or is it roid rage?) above. Wait’ll he gets a’load of lockup ...

GRYPHON BOOKS Collectable Paperback Show

New York City Collectible Paperback & Pulp Fiction Expo #22, the big 2010 show will be held on Sunday, September 19, 2010, at the Holiday Inn on 57th Street in NYC. Come meet the ugly Knuckster and his much better looking wife ... we’ll have neat lollipops and we never forget to bring the cannoli ...


And the DOC says ...

Dear Charles,

You can’t imagine my pride when I saw that the lead story in Knucksline was lauding the release from incarceration of Lindsay Lohan. Even my Zen Buddhist healer had noticed my malaise in the past weeks and he determined that it was caused by the reduction in the population of free skanky hos in America. For too long I had feared that Knucksline was becoming too mainstream media-ish with its constant harping about the economy and the wars and Obama’s weekly vacations. Lo and behold on August 25th we picked up the skanky ho issue and ran with it. Good on us!!

I took the liberty of enrolling Knucksline as the journal of record for Skanky Hos In Turmoil or S.H.I.T. as it’s known in the trade. We’re in SHIT now and we’ll be getting in deeper as the cause grows.

We should have been there for Madonna when she took all that heat for developing a perfect British accent after a week and a half trip to London. We ignored it at the time, but now we’re in SHIT, so Madonna, we’re there for you girl. Paris Hilton, we got your back too.

This movement reminds me of the famous German mantra:
They came first for the communists,
but I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a communist.
Then they came for the skanky hos,
but I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a skanky ho.
Etc, Etc.

Even former president, Bill Clinton has expressed some interest in our movement, but he would like to see a membership list, preferably with phone numbers.

Thank you Charles, for moving us away from that Drudge Report style of journalism and moving us closer to the Entertainment Tonight genre of cutting edge reporting.

Your pal,