Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Dow Mossman ... No Meet ... Speaking of Snow ... Charlie Opera ... DOC says ...


Dow Mossman ... a month or so ago we received some very kind words about Johnny Porno from author, Dow Mossman, a close friend of author Ed Gorman (to whom Johnny Porno is dedicated). Being somewhat illiterate about way too much of what has been published over my 53 years, like most people, I knew nothing about Mr. Mossman or his novel prior to Ed’s email. Ed, who is most responsible for my living for another day as a crime writer, is the one who introduced me to the novel and the incredible story behind its resurgence through a documentary. Ed wrote to tell me the good news that Mr. Mossman had read and enjoyed Johnny Porno and also gave me some of the background to Mr. Mossman's The Stones of Summer and their lifelong friendship. I immediately ordered the book and the documentary, but in my excited frenzy had ordered a VHS (the equivalent to an 8-track these days). I eventually had to send the tape back to exchange it for the DVD (which finally came today). The novel itself is a wonderful coming of age story loaded with the rebellion and tragedy we all experience while trying to find ourselves. As was stated in the documentary by a friend of Mr. Mossman’s when answering the question: “Could today’s readers enjoy this novel?”

“What readers will find in The Stones of Summer is eternal.”

I’m still watching the two disc documentary, which has been a wonderful experience and something I absolutely recommend to any book lover and especially any writer. It is calming and inspiring and will provide anyone in the writing game or thinking about the game how unpredictable it all is and how success is much more relative than we can imagine. Professional after professional (including some of the most notable editors and publishers in the history of the business, as well as Mr. Mossman’s agent) discuss why great books like The Stones of Summer (which received great reviews, including a New York Times rave review) sometimes slip through the cracks and disappear. And The Stones of Summer might have disappeared forever if not for the love filmmaker Mark Moskowitz had for the novel; so much so he went about making a wonderful documentary about finding the author behind the great work (which brought about a 300,000 rebirth in sales of the novel).

We’ll review the book in full along with the documentary when we finish rereading it and have some extra time to sit and reflect and absorb the wild ride of Dawes Williams/Dow Mossman (from learning about the raising of greyhounds to the tragedy of losing three friends in a car accident to the wild times in Mexico).

I think some booksellers offer deals on the book and the documentary as a package and that’s one way to go about it. I did what was recommended and bought the book first, read it and am in the process of viewing the documentary ... and the night before what was supposed to be a powerlifting meet, it so calmed my nervous wreck of an ass I forgot I had to get some sleep until one of the officials called to let me know the meet will be rescheduled.

Oh, yeah, that original New York Times book review? Here’s how it starts:

The New York Times Book Review - John Seelye

"The Stones of Summer" cannot possibly be called a promising first novel for the simple reason that it is such a marvelous achievement that it puts forth much more than mere promise. Fulfillment is perhaps the best word, fulfillment at the first stroke, which is so often the sign of superior talent.... Dow Mossman's novel is a whole river of words fed by a torrential imagination.... For me at least, reading "The Stones of Summer" was crossing another Rubicon, discovering a different sensibility, a brave new world of consciousness. "The Stones of Summer" is a holy book, and it burns with a sacred Byzantine fire, a generational fire, moon-fire, stone-fire."

What writer wouldn’t give one of his legs for a review that STARTS like that?

No Meet ... the Jersey States Powerlifting Meet was cancelled this weekend due to the snow storm ... we’ll know Friday of this week when the meet will be rescheduled. All I can say is THANK FUCKING GOD (see why below).

Speaking of snow... there’s nothing quite like having to shovel A LOT OF SNOW two days before a powerlifting meet. Dr. Don Kirdendall suggested I "not forget to warmup before shoveling” and maybe I should’ve. My back was so sore after 50 minutes I could barely stand straight. To help things along, when I finally made it to the back porch, where the snow had managed to reach 16 inches, the wife decided it was a good time to get frisky (or break my shoes); the Principessa stood inside the kitchen with a big smile as she flashed me her cleavage. I could barely breath, never mind get excited (which is probably why she chose to flash me AFTER I shoveled).

That’s what I’m talking about ... but talk is cheap and I was in no condition to do anything but wish I were a much younger man with a lot more gas in the tank.

Charlie Opera ... it took me several tries to get the format correct, but Charlie Opera is now available on Ebooks (all formats) ... Check it out! Cost to read the first half of the book? Nothing, nada, Jack and/or Squat ... and only two fazools ($2.00) for the second half.

I’m currently working on a sequel to the lead character in Charlie Opera (Charlie Pellecchia), but do not have a title yet; Charlie is a few years down the road after his wild and crazy and deadly adventures in Sin City and he’s returned to his native New York. Fed up with those who think themselves above it all, Charlie is fighting the good fight for a couple of women from two different worlds and he’s fighting it the only way he knows how—by throwing caution to the wind. This time a former priest has his back as a lot of pissed off powerful people are looking to take him down.


Preorder Johnny Porno here.

And the DOC says ...

Hey Chazmeister,

This may be a first, but I have a few issues concerning the last Knucksline.

“What write wouldn’t give one of his legs for a review that STARTS like that?”

Perhaps if you actually read what you wrote, you too might get a review that STARTS like that.

The weightlifting tournament was canceled due to the weather?

It stopped snowing 3 days ago! Today was 40 degrees and sunny! You muscleheads are supposed to be macho, tough guy athletes. You cancel your meet because it’s slushy? Maybe you should look into a new sport. You might find more kindred spirits in ice dancing and not to worry, those outfits have a lot of stretch.

Did you see the ObamaCare infomercial this week?

Even MSNBC thought it was too boring and might annoy their 12 viewers.

I was thinking that Knucksline should have a contest. Anybody who can decipher this quote wins $50 or your car.

"I think it requires a little bit of humility to be able to know what the American people think, and I don't, I can't swear I do. I know what I think. I think I know what they think. But I'm not sure what they think." – Joe Biden

Yeah, Chaz, you were right. Sarah Palin is too dumb to be vice president. Thanks to you we end up with Joe “I’ll save money by only putting hair plugs in the front of my head” Biden. Good move on the Bamster’s part though. When you’re not that bright it’s always smart to surround yourself with guys like Joe Biden. So what are we doing this weekend, buddy-boy?

Not to be outdone, Nancy Pelosi says, “A bill can be bipartisan without bipartisan votes.”

Cleavage: Now you’re talking, Chaz. That’s what Knucksline needs. Screw the contest! We got book reviews. We got humor. All we need are big, bouncing BAZOOMS. You and I can go out and buy some red smoking jackets and some pipes and just hang around the mansion all day with silicone-enhanced med school triplets.

Sea World does NASCAR: They say 50% of NASCAR fans go to the races for the car wrecks. Will this be the future for Sea World? After a tiring day at Disney World, folks will head over to Sea World hoping that the serial killer whale will ice another trainer. The corporation already senses a surge in ticket sales and starting in May all trainers will be dressed in baby seal outfits.

WTF: The first half of the book is free, but you have to pay $2 for the second half? Why don’t you make the first 299 pages free, but the last page is $50. Where did you get this brainstorm… the Bernie Madoff School of Literature.

Have a great week, buddy-boy

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Katz's ... Winning the Hearts of Afghanis ... Delusional Grandeur ... Video time ...


Katz's … the deli, not the fugazy musical … I used to live close to Katz's (back in my Little Italy days) and often enjoyed way too much Pastrami for any single human ... last year I went with my two sons (one talks to me) and the bill was close to $80.00 ... I haven’t been back since but I do crave it from time to time ... the Principessa Ann Marie and myself once stopped there after a full dinner at The Palm Too for sandwiches and a few franks for the road ... it’s one reason I’m lifting in the super heavyweight division Sunday.

But do yous remember this: Send a Salami to your boy in the Army?

Well, at TK, we say: Send a Johnny Porno to everyone you know-oh ... and a few people you don't know! Make friends with Kool-Aid and Johnny Porno!

Some more kind words about Johnny Porno on the right hand column (what we have so far).

Pre-order Johnny Porno here.

Oops ... U.S. airstrike kills at least 25 civilians in Afghanistan. But fear not, amici, the native Afghanis remaining (those who haven’t been killed yet) will love us for the civilian trials we’re giving the “criminals” here. Still, we probably shouldn’t ask native Afghanis how that "necessary war" is workin' out for them ...

Delusional grandeur … one religiously blind faither described Scott Brown’s voting for the jobs bill (that was scaled down from an original 85 billion to a Republican-like 15 billion) thusly: “How's that upcoming Republican majority workin' for ya?”

Seriously, poking fun at wingnuts because a Republican who just won Ted Kennedy’s seat voted for a Democratic sponsored Jobs bill (only because the Democrats turned themselves into Republicans YET AGAIN and scaled it down by, oh, let’s see … 70 BILLION DOLLARS sound right?), suggests the blind faithers need to bypass the decaf pot in the morning and try the real thing.

And on that note a reminder for the never-ending one note sambas coming from the same blind-faithers: How’s that 2008 Presidential election of Hope and Change thingie workin’ out for ya?

The sad thing is that everything mentioned in that video remains UNCHANGED. Like the video says, President Fredo has accomplished two things thus far: Jack & Squat.


Sunday, February 21, 2010

REVIEWS ... DOC says ...


The Lost Sister ... When we last left J. McNee (“Steed” a nickname from the old Avengers Show), the bones in one of his hands were nothing more than Rice Krispies, he’d killed a man in self-defense and had come close to killing another and a good friend was left paralyzed for being a good friend. This go he’s reluctantly back on the trail of a missing girl with links to the Scotland underworld badass, David Burns, an evil man for which McNee has nothing but a searing hatred (and with good reason). Russell McLean’s character development of his McNee is what struck me first in this wonderfully told tale of obsession, emotional pain and the cost of wanting to believe in the best of people. McNee is a more fatigued man this round; he’s cursing more, he’s having to restrain himself more and he’s showing the anxiety he’s experiencing at the worst (most dangerous) times. The memory of his lost love continues to haunt him (the accident that killed her he continues to blame himself for) and he’s struggling to do the right thing and never assume the worst in people (although he knows he knows better).

No spoilers here, amici, but this is a very highly recommended read, especially for those respectful of good crisp writing, character development and an ability to tell a tale with spot on dialogue and writing skill.

The Laird of New Jersey was more than pleased with The Lost Sister.

Amy Bloom ... her latest, Where The God Of Love Hangs Out, was recommended to me by someone I trust in all things literary (Svetlana Pironko). I was blown away by the writing in this masterpiece of stories about relationships and the things that sometimes happen between people, their families and friends. A tale of two couples was nothing short of mesmerizing as finally a fat guy (an unhealthy fat guy) gets the woman. But when the woman has to deal with his passing and the loneliness that ensues, it is equally as intriguing as the affair that started it all. Another tale puts stepmother and stepson in the same bed almost immediately after the father/husband passes and how much that one night (that one mistake) costs each of them over time. There’s also the tale of a daughter who has suffered the indignities her father heaped upon her mother, herself and her brother and how she deals with the loss of his wife and later his diminishing mental acuity. There’s a lot of leaning on alcohol and lovers as foils in these stories and they’re all masterfully handled. Another highly recommended read.

Temple Grandin ... the HBO movie starring Claire Danes is very much worth the time to watch. Had someone told me this story, I would never have believed it. An autistic child, who through perseverance and the non-stop efforts of her parents and some key teachers, becomes a legend.

You won’t believe it from here anyway, so either do the research with the links provided or see the HBO movie. Claire Danes is wonderful as Temple Grandin. Temple Grandin is an amazing person and a national gift.

Bill Maher ... TK isn’t a big fan of Maher, but every once in a while we think his gut feelings seep through the bullshit (and he forgets he's doing comedy to a collection of blind faithers who will laugh at anything anti-conservative) and he lets go of a line we particularly enjoy ... his season debut featured this one: “Both parties are the same” ... and then went on to sarcastically (to those on the Democratic left) discuss (albeit briefly) Ralph Nader (“I know he’s a monster and he cost Gore the election, blah, blah, blah) but the point was, maybe it’s high time we reject both major parties and give somebody else a chance. Like TK always says to those on the Democratic left (which we classify as the fugazy left), regarding Nader v. Gore-Bush ... yeah, Bush went to war ... but with way too much Democratic support (including our current Secretary of State--who didn’t bother to read the intelligence report) to believe for a second Iraq and Afghanistan were Ralph Nader’s fault (who, by the way, was against both wars).

Notorious B.I.G. ... once again, TK watched Notorious (the movie) and enjoyed it. So much so, in fact, it’s the ugly one’s new name around Casa Stella ... no, not Notorious ... just BIG ... or maybe HUGE.

Oy-vey ... listen to my rhymes, yo.

Okay, so I don’t understand what he’s saying either ... but he looks good!

Speaking of looking good ... for the guys (some more) and for the ladies, Jon Stewart?

Then there’s this version ...

Next week the New Jersey States Powerlifting Championships ... can the ugly one defend his fat, old man crown? Well, let’s face it, only if no other fat old men show up ...

Where’s the shaving cream for my back when I need it?


Before DOC has his say, Publishers Weekly on Johnny Porno ...

"Set in New York City in 1973, Stella's vibrant seventh crime novel catches the cadence and daily grind of organized crime grunts … Stella tosses an eclectic cast of characters into the mix … admirers of Elmore Leonard and George V. Higgins will be happy." —Publishers Weekly

And the DOC says ...

Yo, Huge,

I think you stepped over the line on this one.
There are things we knuckleheads put in your realm of expertise:

- Literature
- Opera
- Drums
- Power Lifting
- Street finance

On the other hand, there are subjects we would prefer you shy away from:

- Football picks
- Diet tips
- Fashion critiques
- Rap music reviews

Let's face it bro, the only people in the universe who are whiter than you are me, Edward Scissorhands, Johnny Winter and six million Swedes.

Back away, Buddy-Boy.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Navigator ... Tiger Porno ... Johnny Porno ... DOC's version of the trip ...


It wasn't enough for DOC to give his version of Travels with Charlie (2010) ... he has this to say too:

Hey Chaz,

You must be feeling a certain emptiness since football season is over. Why don't you apply your impeccable sports intuition to the Olympics. I'm sure you'll agree that Saudi Arabia is guaranteed to grab the gold in the bobsled event. Mozambique must be your favorite for the downhill skiing.

By the way, on Monday I only told you those hunting stories to keep you from talking about your freaking drums. I also noticed that after spending four hours in a car with you my IQ dropped 12 points.

Have a good weekend, buddy boy.

The Navigators … no, not the 1924 comedy with Buster Keaton (although there was plenty of comedy involved in this trip, especially when it looked like we might be heading to Indiana), but the President’s Day road trip down to Lambertville, New Jersey to visit with a dear friend of both the DOC’s and the ugly one, Patrick Lambe (thus, Lambertville). DOC wanted moi to sample driving the truck he calls an SUV for the ride down so he was the navigator going. Let me just say that getting in and out of his “SUV” was no different than getting in and out of my Honda Accord (it was like getting mugged either way).

Now for the trip(s): Going … DOC insisted we sit in front of casa Stella a good ten minutes while he programmed Dave (his GPS) with the correct coordinates to get lost half a dozen times. God knows how much gas we wasted waiting for DOC and Dave to coordinate (good thing he filled up before coming to pick me up). Then we started out and although both of us had printed out directions to Lambertville, Dave took over and quickly had us lost. Rather than take the turnpike both printed sets of directions suggested, Dave (and DOC) took us through side streets and the 56 minute trip took us more like 2 hours. After 40 minutes of driving things actually looked good as we passed a sign that read: Lambertville 26 miles.

Then, forty minutes later, we passed another sign that read Lambertville 24 miles.

Thirty minutes after that we passed one that had us back up to 26 miles.

Oy-vey … eventually, however, we did find Lambertville, New Jersey and we got to spend some quality time with one of our bestist friends, Patrick Lambe. Although I was outnumbered 2:1, Irishmen to Eye-talian, Patrick is a certified tree-hugger who also works for a French company and I figure we (me and the DOC) were even. Patrick is also a fine writer, photographer, telecommunications expert and tap dancer.

The town of Lambertville is actually quite nice and while DOC neglected to take advantage of the half-price Valentine Hearts on sale at the chocolate joint, yours truly bought and delivered the goods (without eating any before turning them over to his Principessa Dolcezza).

And then there was the Happy Hour ... okay, so I was confused and thought it meant two dinners for the price of one. Patrick snuck off and paid the bill before we could get a chance to do the same. Damn, I knew I should've ordered three!

The ride back was considerably shorter, amici, with yours truly navigating. Except for one mishap (a 5 minute delay at best), we were on our way and made it back in less than an hour total. Even with DOC constantly breaking my shoes about the signs that he didn’t understand (Perth Amboy in particular), I just pointed towards Perth Amboy and bada-boom, bada-bing, the trip was a quick success.

Now, how did we put up with each other for what amounted to 3 hours in the cab of a truck (SUV)? Well, on the way home I made believe I was interested in hunting and then DOC proceeded to tell me about all (every single one) of the animals he’s clipped. While he described what a grouse was and how it fell back to earth after he used a bazooka to kill it, I nodded and thought (should I write this down?) ... then when he discussed all the pheasants (or were they peasants) he whacked, I remembered to remember the following facts: if you tuck a pheasant’s head under its wing it will go to sleep.

And I thought, if I only I could do the same ...

Also, you’re not supposed to clip the birds while they’re on the ground ... so they send dogs out to roust them ... so the guys with the cannons standing 11 feet away give them a chance.

And if this doesn’t remind me of DOC ...

Spartacus was soooooooooooooooooo happy he didn't make the trip.

He’s back ... and just in time to autograph that new sex tape featuring him and two bimbos (except they were smart enough to film it) and can probably retire soon enough.

Upon hearing about this, I turned to the wife and said, “Next book.”

Tiger Porno ... It’s 2010 and the mob has folded its tent and everybody is too broke to buy any kind of music. The Change We Believed In turned out to be just another crock of shit ... but when all else failed, Tiger came to the rescue ... #1 of this harem of 15 (by last count) called him at home and Tiger slipped up and left his cell phone in clear sight of his wife ... a few minutes later Tiger was fleeing the house with Wife closing fast (and brandishing a 9 Iron) ...

Hey, why not?

Johnny Porno teaser ...

From the second half of Chapter 1

“Body was dumped there,” Kaprowski said. “Dead at least five weeks, ripe as the day is long and missing both hands. That said, the guy’s wallet with everything in it, minus any money, was in his back pants pocket; driver’s license, Social Security card, a few other forms of identification. Thomas Nicholas DeLuca, a.k.a. Tommy Porno. An associate with Eddie Vento’s crew. Forensics says the body was dumped there within the last week, which makes no sense they held it so long someplace else.”

Levin, working undercover for both Internal Affairs and Kaprowski’s Organized Crime task force, was forty-one years old and a twelve-year veteran. He looked at the construction dumpster and said, “His hands were missing?”

“Chopped off,” Kaprowski said. “Probably soon’s they grabbed him and before they put two behind his ear, the official cause of death.”

“Because of a porn film?”

“Because of the money the dopey bastard stole from the mob over a porn film.”

“How much?”

“God knows. Didn’t have to be much, though. Soon’s this hits the papers it’ll go a long way to keeping the dummies run that film around for the wiseguys honest.”

“The deceased was an example.”

“They whack a guy, leave the body so it’ll be found, it’s the only explanation. The missing hands were obvious enough.”

Levin pointed to the construction container. “Why there?”

“Eddie Vento bought his Cadillac there. Coincidence you think? DeLuca had a no-show construction job with somebody close to Vento. Started off as a head-counter, graduated to collecting and probably couldn’t resist skimming. Early word is he left markers all over the city. Bookies, mostly. A couple card games the boys sanction, probably a few they don’t.”

HOUSTON, they'll have signed copies of Johnny Porno at Murder By the Book in April. The good people at Murder by the book made us feel like a million bucks when we were last there (Mafiya). We got to meet real to life Stella fans who we shared some New York canoli with.

"Mr. Stella is a natural. As soon as I finished Johnny Porno I gave the book to my son so we could both be wiser-guys. Now I'm going to find all his other novels. He's a true master." --Dow Mossman, The Stones of Summer

And if you can't get to Houston or order Johnny Porno through Murder by the book (which you can--just click on their link right here), you can Preorder Johnny Porno here.

"More good words on Johnny Porno ... from the goodfellas at Men Reading Books: "While Stella points to George V. Higgins as inspiration, I see comparisons to a couple of my favorite contemporary authors who I think also excel at dialogue, George Pelacanos and Richard Price. Through Stella, you can practically smell the garlic on the breath of the wiseguys trying to intimidate, strain to hear cops jerking each other around through hot dog stuffed faces, wince at the lunacy of an ex-wife going off the deep end, and nod approvingly when someone does a decent thing for Johnny. Why Stella’s books aren’t flying off the main table at the front door of Barnes/Noble and Borders is, in itself, a crime." —East Coast Don


DOC's version of the trip ...

"Travels With Charley" (1960)

A delightful excursion across America with John Steinbeck and a poodle named Charley.

"Travels With Charlie" (2010)

A nailbiting trip through the abyss filled with misdirection, bitterness and dread. Follow the handsome traveler Doc and his bumbling driver Charlie as they make their heroic journey south. Except of course when Charlie decides to head north every 15 minutes. Watch as Charlie takes a straight highway run and lands our hero in the middle of the biggest mall parking lot on the east coast. See the worry on Doc's ruggedly handsome visage as he wonders if 17 gallons of gas is enough to make the 56 mile drive using eye-talian navigation systems. On the return trip our hero takes the wheel and leaves the navigating to Charlie. When he asks the navigator, "Where is our next turn?"

Charlie replies, "Back there." The resulting u-turn on a 6 lane highway will be a topic of discussion with NJ law enforcement for years to come.

I can't complain though. I have only myself to blame. After all, who is the most famous eye-talian explorer... Christopher Columbus. And what did he do? Well he discovered America. Unfortunately, he thought it was India. Now, in a modern jet, India is a 26 hour flight from America. So how freaking far off course was he? Let’s be kind and round it off to a gazillion miles.

And did he discover America? Not unless we get credit for discovering that mall in the middle of Jersey.

We'll have to do that again soon, Chaz. Maybe on our next trip south we can discover Quebec.

Your pal,

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Print the Legend ... Sunday with Mom ... Go beat that Dead Horse ... JP ... DOC says ...


Print the Legend is available this week (February 16, 2010). Here’s a reminder why to purchase it ... on July 2, 1961 Ernest Hemingway blew his brains out … or did he? Speculation about Papa’s death has been the obsession of some ever since. Through an ingenious set of scenarios that include a 1965 Hemingway Conference of academics in Ketchum, Idaho (where Hem died) where one professor (Richard Paulson) has come to interview the widow Hemingway (Mary) and has brought his Scottish, very pregnant wife (and a wannabe writer herself—Hannah), a rogue FBI/CIA lunatic (Donovan Creedy—a writer himself) with his own Hemingway obsession and our protagonist, Hector Lassiter (a longtime friend to Hem going back to their Italy war days, a writer and a definite macho man complete with his very own FBI tail), author Craig McDonald delivers the goods once again in this third in his Hector Lassiter series.

Prof. Paulson is out to prove the widow Hemingway is the one who killed Papa. Creedy is out to ruin Papa’s literary reputation and is using Paulson to get it done. Creedy’s FBI ties go way back in Hemingway time and are a part of Director Herbert Hoover’s paranoid attempt to discredit writers he found fault with over his 48 year career—Hemingway being at the top of his hit list.

The novel starts with an incredibly gripping first chapter (Hemingway’s last day) and then bounces back and forth through some of Papa and Lassiter’s past, Hoover (and Creedy’s) ongoing grudge match with Hem and always returning to present day 1965 and the days surrounding the conference (where Lassiter is the keynote speaker). There is enough subterfuge here to label this novel a spy thriller, but it is also a crime novel and something I like to call “documentary-like fiction” (fiction based on fact presented so authentically it might as well be a documentary) … but that would do a disservice to the author because McDonald is much more literary than the average jamoke writing crime novels these days. He has both a literary and journalist background (has published two author interview books considered the standard by which such revealing dialogues are measured—Art in the Blood and Rogue Males) and, as one might’ve figured out by now, McDonald is pretty much a Hemingway expert. His three Lassiter novels are smart, intriguing and loaded with Americana I can’t get enough of.

Print the Legend is the third in the Hector Lassiter Series (behind Edgar nominated Head Games and Toros & Torsos), but the Lassiter story began with a brilliant short story in the prestigious Mississippi Review, The Last Interview. It was immediately after McDonald’s first short story was published that I wrote him something akin to: “What the fuck are you dicking around doing interviews for? You’re a great writer.” As it turns out, McDonald is a superb writer and well on his way to the top of a very competitive writing world.

Most of yous know I refuse to provide spoilers (I want yous to READ), so don’t expect any here. Suffice it to say, for those interested in anything Hemingway, the history behind much of his life, the times, the people around him (including those out to malign him), his death and what came after, the Hector Lassiter series (all three books) are a must read. For those interested in good, smart writing, ditto. For those interested in a wild ride that transverses time and continents, ditto again. And for those looking for something that will not only enlighten, but will provide some genuine background of what government can (and often will) do to those it fears, Print the Legend, as quoted by best selling author Michael Connelly (on the cover), is indeed “an epic masterpiece.”

Sunday with Mom ... the Principessa and the ugly one visit Momma Stella every Sunday. We go bearing gifts (food) and general joy and happiness. This Sunday Mom was quick to tell her sonny boy about “that novel” that had given her so much angst the last two weeks.

Momma Stella: “Oh, Jason (my cousin, the diet coach and all around great guy) called me. He said ‘I hear you don’t like the new book.’ I told him what I told you about the cursing and sex and all that dirty crap.”

Knucks: “Yeah, so?”

Momma Stella: “Well, I went back and tried it again. I went a few more chapters and thought, okay, it’s calming down now. And then I turned the page and there it is all over again. This one’s talking about a blow job, this one is grabbing that one’s ass, it was too much. I’m sorry, sonny, I can’t read it. I’ll try again in a few weeks.”

The conversation switched to Poppa Stella (Poppa Tommy) and Momma was discussing with the wife how none of the Stella men were very handy when it came to tools and carpentry and so on. This brought some ire from the ugly one.

“Don’t you talk about my Daddy like that. I remember he did the entire basement one year. He put up the cabinets and everything.”

Momma Stella: “What the hell do you know? (Turning to Ann Marie) That’s because his father helped him, my husband. And his uncle Joe. (Turning back to me) Your father didn’t know shit about being handy. (Back to Ann Marie) They did the work so Tommy (Poppa Stella) had to stay there and learn. Then he knew how to mix cement and put up the cabinets, but he didn’t know shit before that.”

At this point, the Principessa, who had been smiling through the entire dialogue, (sarcastically) chirped in.

AM: “Just like your son, Hope.”

MS: “Yeah, right. This one couldn’t put a thumbtack in the wall.”

Knucks: “How about I put one in your eye?”

Momma Stella (turns to Knucks and gives him the finger): “How about I stick one up your ass?”

Knucks (points to the 50 statues of Saints my Eucharistic Minister Mom prays to 40 x’s a day -- usually for one of us to win Lotto): “Nice. You don’t think they saw that, you giving me the finger?”

Momma Stella: “Jesus forgives me. He knows what I have to put up with with you.”

Knucks: “Oh, give me a break. You’re off the hook since I’m eighteen. Annie’s the one has to put with me now.”

Momma Sella: “Annie’s a saint.”

Well, no argument there, amici. A few of yous have told me that about the old ball and chain having to put up with me.

Anyway, Mom had eaten half of the small heart’s worth of chocolate before we left and the boss and I had an over/under side bet that she’d be finished with the chocolates before we made it back to the car.

Go beat that dead horse ... over at What Fresh Denial Is This, they're back to attacking the right on the Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab situation. While we all know the right will attack any and everything the left does for the sake of partisan politics (exactly the same way the left will attack the right on all and anything it does for the exact same reason--and isn’t that a revelation?), the fact this underwear bomber issue takes precedence over all the change that isn’t (or hasn’t) happened yet, including President Fredo’s last gaff defending tax payer padded bonuses of bailed out corporate execs, his constant moving to the right on every single policy issue he’s bothered to engage in and let's not forget about half dozen or so bombs that went off in Iraq and Afghanistan last week killing hundreds of innocents and a few US troops ... attacking wingnuts is the focus of ... well, let’s call it what it is—denial.

“OK, so it's not as much fun for wingnuts as torturing him might be. But it's undoubtedly working better. And we don't have to abandon real American principles like the Rule of Law to do it.”

Once again, let us examine the second part of the above: “And we don't have to abandon real American principles like the Rule of Law to do it.”

TK has to wonder just how our American principles like the Rule of Law are served when we insist on prosecuting “criminal terrorists” here, but continue to drop bombs on them over there. Are Muslim nations really impressed with our ability to be civil here in the states while we indiscriminately kill them (without the benefit of a trial, never mind Miranda) there? It’s a valid question, we think. If they’re criminals and not soldiers, why aren’t we capturing them there and bringing them here for trial? Why are we dropping bombs on them (and the innocents standing anywhere near them--the linked article tells of 12 Afghanistan innocents killed by a misguided missile, i.e., collateral damage, except this time no terrorists (or are they criminals?) were killed). Without proving the terrorist/criminals we do kill over there guilty of crimes against the United States, how can we use terms like American principles of the Rule of Law? Is it lawful to kill without a trial? If they are criminals, aren't they being pre-judged? Aren't they supposed to be proven guilty first?

Or do those questions get in the way of that Rule of Law thingie?

We can see how Muslims around the world (not just those with a beef against the United States) might view trials here while we kill “suspected” terrorists/criminals (and innocents) there without trials as an absolute hypocrisy of “American principles like the Rule of Law."

Hell, they sure seem hypocritical to me.

TK isn’t sure which way to go is the right way, but we sure can tell the difference between rhetoric and reality. Choose one or the other and stick to your guns (or courts of law), but on this issue, What Fresh Denial Is This is just as guilty of double-speak as the wingnuts they attack (on a daily basis) when they defend Rules of Law here without insisting on them there ... or maybe they’re okay with killing (and torture?) so long as it isn’t here.

The fact that Republicans are being totally duplicitous about this (since they did exactly the same thing to the shoe bomber) proves 1) they are partisan hacks looking to make President Fredo look worse than he is ... and 2) the two parties act EXACTLY the same way ... in total contradiction to their own principles, or we’d be giving them trials over there too.

Republicans ... Democrats ... two versions of the same ...

But we'll end this post on a much happier note ... some good stuff about Johnny Porno.

HOUSTON, they'll have signed copies of Johnny Porno at Murder By the Book in April. The good people at Murder by the book made us feel like a million bucks when we were last there (Mafiya). We got to meet real to life Stella fans who we shared some New York canoli with.

Hey, Houston is a great town. I bought my DW drums from Cymbal Fusion there (ask for Eric).

"Mr. Stella is a natural. As soon as I finished Johnny Porno I gave the book to my son so we could both be wiser-guys. Now I'm going to find all his other novels. He's a true master." --Dow Mossman, The Stones of Summer

"More good words on Johnny Porno ... from the goodfellas at Men Reading Books: "While Stella points to George V. Higgins as inspiration, I see comparisons to a couple of my favorite contemporary authors who I think also excel at dialogue, George Pelacanos and Richard Price. Through Stella, you can practically smell the garlic on the breath of the wiseguys trying to intimidate, strain to hear cops jerking each other around through hot dog stuffed faces, wince at the lunacy of an ex-wife going off the deep end, and nod approvingly when someone does a decent thing for Johnny. Why Stella’s books aren’t flying off the main table at the front door of Barnes/Noble and Borders is, in itself, a crime." —East Coast Don

Read the entire review here.


And if you can't get to Houston or order Johnny Porno through Murder by the book (which you can--just click on their link right here), you can Preorder Johnny Porno here.

And the DOC says ...

Hey Chaz,

I would have gotten back to you sooner, but I had to do some major cleaning of my computer screen after I read that line about Obama's "constant moving to the right". To the right of whom? Chairman Mao? Danny Glover?

I've warned you about those other blog sites, but you just keep going back. Now, be honest, for how many days have you and the liberal deep thinkers been discussing this terrorist trial issue?

"Well, if we try them over here, then we should try them over there."

"Well, how come nobody complained when Bush did it?"

And then after 3 or 4 days of bashing Bush and Palin it will go this way:

-You'll call the blogmaster an asshole
-For about half a day you and the blogmaster will trade insults
-You'll get banned
-You'll get back on and be twice as abusive as before
-The blogmaster will write his drama packed reasons why he is shutting down the blog
-You'll try to explain how when you called him an asshole you didn't mean it in a negative way.
-In a day or two, the blog will be back and the circle jerk will continue.

Just stick with Knucksline, Chaz. You got it made over here.

You come out with your opinions. Next day, that loveable old Docster pees all over them. And then we move on. No muss, no fuss. Bada bing, bada boom.

Life is too short to dance with ugly women.

BTW, I pre-ordered two copies of Johnny Porno based on your mother's review. It better be as dirty and disgusting as she described.

Your pal,
that loveable old Docster

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The First Words on Johnny Porno ... Blaming the Left? ...


More good words on Johnny Porno ... from the goodfellas at Men Reading Books: "While Stella points to George V. Higgins as inspiration, I see comparisons to a couple of my favorite contemporary authors who I think also excel at dialogue, George Pelacanos and Richard Price. Through Stella, you can practically smell the garlic on the breath of the wiseguys trying to intimidate, strain to hear cops jerking each other around through hot dog stuffed faces, wince at the lunacy of an ex-wife going off the deep end, and nod approvingly when someone does a decent thing for Johnny. Why Stella’s books aren’t flying off the main table at the front door of Barnes/Noble and Borders is, in itself, a crime." —East Coast Don

Read the entire review here.

"Mr. Stella is a natural. As soon as I finished Johnny Porno I gave the book to my son so we could both be wiser-guys. Now I'm going to find all his other novels. He's a true master." —Dow Mossman, The Stones of Summer

First words ... Johnny Porno received its first endorsement ... and then later in the day its first knock. The endorsement came courtesy of Dow Mossman, author of an American classic rediscovered by a filmmaker and fan of the book. The Stones of Summer, John Seelye, from The New York Times Book Review called: “A marvelous book... it burns with a sacred Byzantine fire, a generational fire, moon-fire, stone-fire.”

The Stones of Summer received its rediscovery when Documentary filmmaker Mark Moskowitz turned literary sleuth in a marvelous tale of a vanished novelist. His documentary, Stone Reader not only revived book sales, the film won several awards. The Stones of Summer subsequently sold more than 300,000 copies. Check out this trailer.

Needless to say, the ugly one is currently reading The Stones of Summer and has reordered the documentary (I inadvertently ordered a VHS version and have to return it for the DVD). This coming of age novel has brought back some funny, awkward and intense memories from my youth, including an argument I once had with two friends on the way to St. Jude’s catholic school. Both kids (Joe Gaetani and Joe Kane) were a lot smarter than me (while that isn’t a difficult concept to imagine, they really were very smart kids) and they were discussing how babies were made. In my devout ignorance, I refused to accept that such a thing as sex was involved. Fucking was a word, yeah, I knew that much, but I had no clue it was something real, like ... intercourse?

“No fucking way your father did that to your mother,” I said with extreme prejudice. “No fucking way.”

I couldn’t imagine my parents doing the wild thing.

I still can’t.

It was probably a few years before I accepted the facts ... but reading Dawes Williams’ (the protagonist in The Stones of Summer) trials and tribulations is putting a genuine smile on my face. The rights of passage young boys go through with puberty, their battles with adults as they came to find them fallible and those first awkward steps into adulthood are a genuine treat to revisit. I’m half through the novel now and looking forward to reading through to the end over the next few days.

Ed Gorman had passed Johnny Porno along to Mr. Mossman (they’ve been lifelong friends) and we’re honored to have such kind words from such a literary figure.

Yes, so honored, in fact, we'll post them again.

"Mr. Stella is a natural. As soon as I finished Johnny Porno I gave the book to my son so we could both be wiser-guys. Now I'm going to find all his other novels. He's a true master." —Dow Mossman, The Stones of Summer

Now for the knock ... Momma Stella has defended her sonny boy in pretty much all of the dopey things he’s done. When he was arrested for an assault and she found out a few years later, she said, “That’s because you never got enough sleep.” At 80 she continues to warn him to “be careful driving” when it rains. Momma Stella was also supportive of his crazy ideas and endeavors (pretty much everything except that fantasy connected life he lived for 18 years) but especially writing. When Dad looked at him as if he had three heads (upon telling Dad he was going to try and write a book), Momma Stella said, “I like that, sonny boy. You should do it.”

That said, Momma Stella isn’t a big fan of her sonny boy’s inability to get through a page or two without “all that cursing and sex.” One of our best reviewed books to date was Charlie Opera and Momma Stella had this to say about that one: "It was good, sonny. I couldn’t wait to finish it. But do you have to put all that dirty stuff in there like that? All that was too much.”

Well, apparently Johnny Porno was no different for her. Momma Stella stopped cold (as of Sunday) after Chapter 8 (part of which was originally a short story I thought fit a character in the novel). Momma Stella had this to say about Johnny Porno: “My God, Sonny ... every other page is cursing and sex. It’s too much. Maybe I’m getting too old. I like that Johnny guy, but I need a vacation from it for now. I’m sorry.”

The culture of immigrants (Mom was born in Italia) brought up on the Lower East Side of Manhattan aside, Mom was never a big fan of the mob. Her first cousin (Gasper “Gazut” Calderazzo), was one of Chicago outfit killer Tony Spilotro’s Las Vegas desert victims (one of the holes in the desert) after being sent by New York to pick up some of a casino’s skim. Spilotro met Gazut at the airport and proceeded to drive him to the desert where Gazut was killed and buried. His brother Aldo identified the body a few weeks later. Jimmy “the Weasal” Frattiano’s book, The Last Mafioso, inaccurately states that it was Aldo who Spilotro killed. It wasn’t. It was his brother, Gasper (Gazut).

Mom used to say about her cousins, “Those boys never got enough sleep.”

Blaming the left? ... Most of yous know how TK feels about the true liberal cause in America; that those liberals in the Democratic Party are cutting their nose to spite their face by continuing to support a party that ignores them at every opportunity. This fine snowstorm morning the boss and I watched Morning Joe (between shoveling) and although the old ball and chain was swept up in the Scarborough mystic (remember, even though she's a devout blind faith Democrat, she dreams about this guy ... oy vey), the ugly one was sitting there very confused by the line of shit Joe and his gathering were spewing (including the two guys who co-authored Game Change).

Wanna know why there’s been no change we can believe in yet? According to this collection of geniuses, it’s the liberal left of the Democratic Party. Yep, that’s right ... the single bone the Fredo Administration has thrown the left so far has been a “proposal” that it will repeal don’t ask/don’t tell and THAT is what is stalling change we can believe in? Yeah, right ... sure.

Excuse me for not holding my breath on that one. At the rate this White House achieves success, I (and many gays my age) may be long dead before don’t ask/don’t tell is actually repealed. Hopefully, when it finally is repealed, it'll be alongside another bill that allow gays to marry who they want, adopt who they want and share medical benefits equally (since they'd be able to die for their country without having to hide who they are and all [sarcasm intended]).

Anyway, the point being, how is the left at fault in Fredo’s sweeping stall of setting new policy? If I’m not mistaken, the Democratic left has backed down at each phase of the game(s). Single Payer proved nothing more than talk and died long ago at the hands of Blue Dog Democrats (not even Republicans). The fact of the matter is Fredo not only adopted George Bush’s economic policy of bailing out big money and excusing their paying taxes (yes, DOC, that $38 BILLION tax break to bailed out corporations continues to be cause for violent revolution in my obnoxious opinion), he’s kept on the Bush and Wall Street team of financiers who created the mess in the first place and hasn’t managed to pass a single piece of oversight legislation since the crisis (i.e., NOTHING HAS CHANGED).

Remember how Fredo campaigned that doing the same old thing (when McCain had proposed more tax cuts) was dumb? Well, explain to me the difference between “proposing” tax cuts for the rich (McCain) and what Fredo did (actually provided tax cuts to the rich -- $38 BILLION worth)?

DOC accused of us selling out the other day and using quotes from JD Rhoades blog. JD is a hell of a writer (his last book, Breaking Cover was one of the best reads of last year for the ugly one) and a devout Democrat. Yet, we feel his type of dedication to the Dems is one of the main reasons his party ignores his cause; the relentless blind faith, overzealous attacks on irrelevant wingnuts is nothing more than beating a dead horse (while preaching to a choir more happy with Bush bashing than initiating actual CHANGE) and protecting the sense of complacency his party already suffers from (to the point where they ignore the left). But when JD makes a good point, we’ll point to it. The hypocrisy of Sarah Palin and her movement regarding “teleprompters” and the use of the word “retard” goes beyond the usual nonsense on the right and tells volumes about just what the Republicans have to offer as solutions to our collective problems—making fun of Democrats.

Sound familiar?

The hypocrisy of Palin’s absurdity (never mind her absolute cluelessness) should serve to wipe out any credibility she may have. JD nailed her on it (providing many of the significant details/examples of the hypocrisy of the extreme right). While TK feels JD spends far too much energy fighting wingnuts and their cause (while the house he defends crumbles around him), it is a free country and TK defends his right to make the same mistake the Democratic left makes over and over... which is to assume the Dems are the only alternative to the other party.

We say that pointing out how Ross Perot or Ralph Nader (or every other third party) has never won, and therefore shouldn’t be supported at the voting booth, undermines the true liberal cause. Why limit yourself to two corrupt parties that serve one cause (that of corporate greed)? If the left broke off for just one election what would be the worst that could happen? The Republicans would win, perhaps, but has there really been a difference between the two parties thus far since Fredo’s victory? And let’s face it, if the left went someplace else to vote, the Democratic party would have to realize (or be subject to future losses) that the left isn’t there just to call wingnuts names.

In the meantime, the Dems need Sarah Palin to lead the charge in order to scare independents back their way ... and ...

The GOP needs to muzzle Sarah Palin before she does more damage than they can control with independents (the only ones who can vote them back into power).

And I guess true liberal third parties need an absolute depression before their base of voters wakes up and realizes that playing the short game (voting the lesser of two evils) amounts to nothing more than pissing into a hurricane. The picture above was a reality in California last year when Hoovervilles sprung up because of job losses and foreclosures. Tent Cities were a reality all over again as recently as February 2009. And who got rewarded for them? Remember that $38 BILLION TAX BREAK FREDO GAVE BAILED OUT COMPANIES? You think maybe some of these people (below) could've used some of that gelt?

It isn’t just the executive branch that needs to be replaced ... it’s all of Congress and the Senate. Both parties need to be voted out of office at the next several opportunities. And for liberals who talk about all that fear mongering on the right, it seems they’re caught in the very same dilemma by voting the same way--afraid if they don’t support the Dems (who ignore them), the GOP will return to power.

TK says there just isn’t enough of a difference to support either party. How about voting our conscience ... wherever it points.

Pre-order Johnny Porno here.


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Talk to the hand … Non-steroid steroids … Blizzard … DOC says ...


Talk to the hand ... Sarah Palin is back and she’s thinking about a run for the Presidency ... I doubt the present White House could want anything more than Palin running for the Presidency (but I’m sure they’ll take her taking the lead in spewing her brand of patriotism in her very limited talking points vocabulary). What will be interesting to see is how the mainstream GOP handles madam hot but dumb as rocks. Last week she was going off on President Fredo for his use of Teleprompters while looking at her hand for the notes she’d written in her palm. Ironic? Disingenuous? Duplicitous?

Nothing so bad as her angst over the word “retard” and how she wanted Rahm Emanuel to resign for saying something her own party leaders use as often as Knucks uses “cocksucker”. See below article from JD Rhoades hometown newspaper and blog (the pictures are TK's):

Emanuel apologized for his negative comment, but that wasn’t enough for Palin, who wrote: “Just as we’d be appalled if any public figure of Rahm’s stature ever used the ‘N-word’ or other such inappropriate language, Rahm’s slur on all God’s children with cognitive and developmental disabilities - and the people who love them - is unacceptable, and it’s heartbreaking.”

Doggone right. I’m glad to see that Gov. Palin is taking a stand against the use of the word “retarded” to describe liberals. I look forward to her demand for the immediate firing of conservative radio host Michael Savage, who is constantly referring on his show to “liberal retards.”

I also look forward to her calling for the immediate banning from the airwaves of conservative pundit Ann Coulter, who once wrote of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, “Is no one going to remark on what a great country it is where a mentally retarded woman can become speaker of the House?”

Coulter is actually pretty fond of using the word; she referred to talk show host Bill Maher’s audience as “MoveOn retards.” And in an interview on Fox News’ Sean Hannity program, she referred to former Bush Press Secretary Scott McClellan as “retarded.” “It’s not offensive, it’s accurate,” Coulter insisted when challenged on it by allegedly liberal co-host Alan Colmes.

Hannity, it should be noted, never said a mumblin’ word. So maybe Ms. Palin should be calling for his resignation, too.

The full JD Rhoades article here.

There’s one chance in hell right now for President Fredo to return to the White House in 2012 ... and Sarah Palin is it.

Non-steroid steroids … that’s right, amici, you heard it here second; the ugly one isn’t doing anything illegal. I was corrected by one of yous (Dr. Don Kirkendall) over the weekend on my steroid article.

I wrote this: “The carpal tunnel pain disappeared within 3 days of taking the steroids (the prescription is a one week supply, decreasing each day).”

Here now the truth (from Dr. K): "That’s the dosing for corticosteroids (an anti-inflammatory drug), not an anabolic steroid (that stimulates protein synthesis, i.e. a muscle builder).

The word ‘steroid’ is a statement of the chemical structure of the molecule (shaped by a combination of pentagons and hexagons) and all those little doodles coming off the corners define the specific compound. Any number of hormones are shaped like this. Anything with the root ‘-ster’ or ‘-sterol’ (like estrogen, progesterone, aldosterone [that’s pronounced al-DOS-terone, not ALDO-sterone-that’d be a character in your next book]) is shaped like that. Here’s what one corticosteroid looks like. Here’s what an anabolic steroid looks like. Most develop from the metabolism of cholesterol. They all look alike, don’t they? That’s why organic chemists are so well paid - they read that stuff like the rest of us read English.

Corticosteroids aren’t banned by any organization that I know of, but most organizations do want to know who is taking them (the athlete applies for a TUE - a therapeutic use exemption).

Corticosteroids are probably the most widely used prescription drug in sports. They do have some ergogenic effects, mostly tied to the cardiovascular system. You’d be surprised that the prevalence of exercise-induced asthma (also treated with a corticosteroid) in athletes is way higher than the normal population (wink, wink . . . I’m sure it over-diagnosed just to get the TUE and take the drugs). Never heard of any ‘roid rage’ on corticosteroids."

Me again, amici ... okay, so I’m just a cranky old fat man (assume that's me above in the final stages of cancer), but I have regained the 8 pounds I lost and haven’t eaten nearly as much as that usually requires and I’ll know better tonight (when I lift heavy) but I’m guessing (from my last 2 workouts) that I’ll get it done tonight and if so, it’ll be a significant increase in where I should be at this point.

Will the good doctor be my expert testimony when I have to defend my successful defense of the old, very fat, state championship (assuming, of course, like last year, nobody else lifts in the (my) old, very fat, state division) is the question?

Blizzard ... talk about your snow jobs ... what’s up with kids today? Where are they when it snows? How come they’re not out with shovels in hand looking to earn some coin? Isn’t there, like, 10% unemployment?


Pre-order Johnny Porno here.

And the DOC says ...

Well, Chaz, now it seems like you have sold out completely.

What is with the long cut-and-pastes from JD Rhoades blog? If we wanted to read his knucklehead ideas we would go to his knucklehead website. We come here to listen to your knucklehead ideas.

And that whole nonsense about "well they are called steroids, but they are not really steroids" it just makes you sound like all the professional athletes who got caught with their hands in the stash bag. Essentially, you compete in an age and weight class that precludes any actual humans from competing and yet you are shooting steroids to maintain your prestigious position in the "Old Fat Guy Division". It's just so sad.

Now why does everything the lovely Sarah does so infuriate those on the panty-wearing left. She writes five words on her hand and suddenly she is a babbling moron. Obama goes to speak to a sixth grade class and he brings his freaking teleprompters. You need teleprompters to talk to 12 year olds?

Except for her voice, I love Sarah, but if the Repubicans pick her to run in 2012 I will be furious, but how about if we try someone who did not graduate from the same three Ivy League schools. We keep picking our fruit from the garden of douchebag delights and then act surprised when the new asshole acts just like the old asshole. We're dealing with a grab bag where all the gifts suck. Let's demand a new grab bag.

I think the Tea Party will be a force to be reckoned with in upcoming elections and I believe that Sarah will emerge as the queen of the Tea Party. I don't want them to run their own candidates and splinter the conservative movement between Republicans and Tea Partiers, but I want the Republicans to ask for input from the Tea Party about who to run. I mean, hell, the Republicans are just out of touch enough to consider running McCain again. "He came so close last time". I'm tired of voting for the guy who sucks less.

Snow jobs: Remember your last party, where only me and the Salahis showed up. Well, the next day I was digging out my driveway and this gentleman walked up to me and offered to help me shovel. From his accent I guessed he was probably from Hyderabaad, India. Yes, Chaz, the snow shoveling jobs too have been outsourced.

Have a good week, buddy-boy