Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Two Sides Worlds Apart Or Just Plain Stubbornness? ... One Day More ...


Recently on a conservative blog site (Stand Up For America), I commented (you have to search for Charlie Stella on the site) on how I’d like to see those responsible for the bailouts(without protecting American workers) either put away for life or lined up in front of a firing squad. I was thinking myself a bit of a fascist (exaggerating ... somewhat). Another commentator replied with this:

Just wanting to kill the SOB’s does not make you a fascist. Might actually make you a patriot. Would tar and feathering do instead followed by exile to Coventry where they only have each other to deal with?

To which I responded: That works for me too. I’m still baffled how this country didn’t rise up in revolution (both sides of the political aisles) after what this government did with those bailouts. Not a single protection for workers and no stipulations for how that money was to be used, etc. They just gave it away and tried to impose a sense of panic on all of us (had to be done quickly, etc.).

Nah, now that I wrote that out, shoot the SOBs …

Another commentator responded with this: They tried. It was called a Tea Party. And the powers on the Left immediately attacked, denigrated and characterized it as a bunch of racist conservative nutjobs out to destroy the presidency of the first black messiah.

Is it really a wonder that people keep their heads down in this day and age?

The “liberals” lost a tremendous opportunity when they decided to jump on the progressive’s trashing of the tea party.

Both conservative views (if you look beyond the dramatics of “first black messiah”) make a good point; there was an opportunity for Americans to rally together for a change and turn their backs on the ideology of political parties for the benefit of the whole (or the greater good, for lack of a better term, although some of my conservative friends despise that term). The point being: Those on the far right were fed up by the bailouts (what they saw as corporatism run amok) while those on the left followed their choice of President’s lead (who followed the President before him) that those banks, etc., were “too big to fail.” What those on the left neglected to demand was protection for their own numbers (and everybody else not on the board of Directors of Goldman Sachs, et al). The American worker took the greatest beating of my time when this government bailed out Wall Street without protecting those they took the money to do so with.

This government permitted the loan seekers to provide the terms of the loan (try doing that the next time you need a few bucks from those same banks). This government demanded nothing of the banks it gave our money to, whether it was in the form of not rewarding themselves with bonuses (for bankrupting their companies), rescinding outsourced American jobs, calling back workers it had laid off, actually making it a prerequisite that “X” amount of those bailed out dollars be funneled back into the economy in the form of low interest loans, etc. Then it went one further and rather than permit American workers to borrow from their own 401K’s (that had been severely diminished by the incompetence and greed of the same bailed out banks) for the sake of saving their homes without penalty, it permitted the same bailed out banks a $38 billion tax credit (for the rich).

My conservative friend from the right was right ... what an opportunity for all Americans to come together and demand CHANGE WE REALLY CAN BELIEVE IN. Now, I’m sure there would’ve been disagreement on what next measures to take, but the fact nothing happened and we all sat back and waited for the miracle of the bailouts to grace us with an economic recovery (we’re still waiting for it) is disheartening (to say the least). It was more than taxation without representation. It was out and out robbery.

Personally, I have no problem with being taxed, so long as the revenue goes to worthy causes, but I do not include the coffers of Goldman Sachs in any category of worthy causes. Others have greater issue with taxes they feel are abuses of power by career politicians who have cut unholy deals with corporate powerbrokers. There they make another good point; Corporate America rules the roost with zero accountability. The fact any government seems to inflate itself with an ever expanding bureaucracy isn’t a great service either, but here it is more a matter of policing the waste than doing away with the good intentions of some government programs. Merely firing those we find incompetent verging on corrupt is just not enough of a consequence to keep others from doing the same (especially those in the positions of government regulators). The people at the SEC watching porn instead of doing their jobs should’ve been jailed. The people at Goldman Sachs, et al who swindled the economy should’ve been jailed (certainly not rewarded). The people at the MSM responsible for letting BP write its own inspection reports should be in federal prisons not sending their resumes out.

This government can work for all of us. It has in the past. It cannot, however, continue to be held unaccountable if we expect a better performance from it. The time for the two party system has come and gone. So long as we reward the same two parties (back and forth over and over again) that put us in the position we’re in today, whether it’s from fear of the other side gaining control or not, we all lose.

Which is why I find it amazing that those who call themselves “hard core leftist(s)” continue to support a Democratic Party (that continues to ignore the left) in any way shape or form (although it is ALWAYS from fear of the Republicans) and why I find it equally amazing that those who call themselves “conservatives” continue to vote for Republicans (who continue to ignore a true free market and reward corporatism across the board--an apology to BP immediately comes to mind) in any way shape or form (although it is ALWAYS from fear of the Democrats).

How absurd is that?

Right now I’m reading a terrific historical account of the real estate market in the 1950-60’s as told by the daughter of a liberal lawyer who spoke up for blacks being victimized (robbed blind) by real estate speculators permitted to sell houses on a contract basis (“contract selling”).

FAMILY PROPERTIES: Race, Real Estate, and the Exploitation of Black Urban America, by Beryl Satter

The practices were appalling (and backed by the laws of the city and state for the perpetuation of strictly white neighborhoods). Speculators were permitted to buy homes for as little as $3,500, then flip them to blacks seeking homes of their own for 2-300% markup with very little money down but with caveats (written by the speculators themselves--sound familiar?) that permitted the sellers to evict the new home owners for missing a single payment. Blacks denied mortgages (and they all were denied mortgages) were forced to buy homes under these contract leases that permitted speculators to triple the cost of a home they bought a week ago and issue usurious terms that precluded the vast majority of new home owners from keeping their homes for very long. The author’s father (Mark Satter) fought for the blacks being victimized by speculators, banks, the state laws, Chicago University, et al. A good man relentlessly fighting a good cause met frustration after frustration as the dirty politics of Chicago “legally” denied blacks a fair deal.

Did I mention this was a Democratic city? Things have come a long way since ... or have they? The despicable real estate red lining/zoning practices of Chicago in the 50’s and 60’s isn’t so much different from what Wall Street pulled off with those bailouts. In one case an entire race was singled out (mostly blacks who had moved north from Mississippi to find a better life) to be shamefully victimized. In the latter instance an entire workforce (the American workforce) was robbed by similar speculators.

That is not to marginalize what happened to blacks in Chicago (and other cities) by any means. Rather, it is to point out that nothing much has really changed. We may be a much more integrated society than back then, but we’re also a much bigger target for economic victimization. Wall Street viewed us (all) as one big sucker to profit from ... and they took us to the cleaners with our blessing.

How absurd it that?

From a New York Times book review of Ms. Satter’s intriguing book: In cities like Chicago, redlining forced a vast majority of black homeowners and tenants into the vulnerable world of “contract selling,” in which unscrupulous speculators dictated onerous terms that often led to default and social pathology, simultaneously reinforcing black stereotypes and white racism. The “lack of equal access to credit,” the author explains, had profound ramifications: “fabulous enrichment for speculative contract sellers and their investors, debt peonage or impoverishment for many black contract buyers and an almost guaranteed decay of the communities in which such sales were concentrated.” Once we recognize the full impact of contract selling, she insists, it becomes clear that “the reason for the decline of so many black urban neighborhoods into slums was not the absence of resources but rather the riches that could be drawn from the seemingly poor vein of aged and decrepit housing and hard-pressed but hard-working and ambitious African-Americans.”

Much of the current housing crisis can be blamed on those who took on mortgages they had no business going near ... but ... who made those loans available? Do the speculators backing the industry have no responsibility? We bought a house for $272,000 but were offered $770,000 in mortgage money. Obviously, we ignored it. But how could we even be offered that much money? Wasn’t that a bit of a gamble on the bank’s end?

As it turns out, not in the least, because the big money behind the big money just shrugged it off, made a few phone calls and their representatives in government (The Republican and Democratic Parties) took those lost monies from us to give back to them.

What a deal! If only Mr. Satter were here today to remind OUR current government (both parties) of the fiduciary relationship they should have for those they're supposed to represent!

American workers lost jobs, homes, retirement monies and their dignity. Some set up tent cities in Sacramento, California and elsewhere. CEO’s and their ilk rewarded themselves with RECORD bonus money (for bankrupting the county), outsourcing continues, unemployment remains intolerable and all that money they promised to return to the economy in the form of loans was held tight. They were so arrogant about their victory, a chosen few from Goldman Sachs appeared at the dog and pony show up on Capitol Hill and smirked and scoffed at the “grilling” we were supposed to feel somehow vindicated by.

And in two months the vast majority of us will go to the polls and vote one of two parties, both of which were completely complicit in the scam that was the Wall Street bailouts.

And how absurd is that?

So, whether you’re on the right or the left, hope for one day more (before the storm) that will send the representatives of both major parties to the back of the unemployment line they so richly deserve to be standing on.


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Johnny Porno ... DOC ...Lindsay Lohan/Linda Lovelace ... And From the Ooops files … Meet the Knucksters ... DOC says ...


To hell with Lindsay Lohan ... how about this:

Order Johnny Porno here:

DOC says: I loved the video, Chaz. Nothing says Attention Whore like shameless self promotion. I'm proud of you. Does that reviewer have any credentials beyond "having a camera"?

Your pal

There is a God and he (or she) is just. Lindsay Lohan has been set free ... and will be heading to the set of Inferno, a biopic about porn star turned anti-porn feminist crusader, Linda Lovelace, a truly tragic story if ever there was one.

Below is the trailer for the documentary about the making of Deep Throat, Inside Deep Throat. It is what juiced me to write Johnny Porno. It is a terrific documentary well worth seeing.

The Ooops files ...

Wars no more?

Ooooops … Insurgents launch a dozen attacks across Iraq … Bombings come one day after U.S. troop levels in Iraq dips below 50,000 …

Look, President clueless, what’s going on in Iraq now will happen thirty seconds after we FINALLY pull out of Afghanistan. That may be worth back-to-back Nobel PEACE Prizes to you, but think of all the American soldiers you can save from dying between now and that fugazy deadline you set (as well as all the innocents over there getting slaughtered for being caught between two war machines).

Horrible Housing News ... that’s what ABC was calling it ... although this pretty much says it all “And while 18 months ago President Obama announced a $75 billion housing program that would help 3-4 million Americans keep their homes, the value of the program is debatable. Slightly more than 400,000 Americans have received permanent mortgage modifications, with SOME LIBERALS now openly complaining that the program was actually more of a backdoor way to help banks, not homeowners.”

Make no mistake, though ... most of those same “SOME LIBERALS” will vote to put Fredo right back in the driver’s seat ... and Wall Street couldn’t be happier.

Ooops, there goes another $100 million ... that’s how much Albert Haynes-worth is worth? The genius who yearly runs the Redskins into the ground, Daniel Snyder, paid $100 million for the slob ... except the superstar defensive tackle/noseguard couldn't pass the basic team conditioning test. So what's the Redskins Conditioning Test?

“The test is two 300 yard shuttles," Wright said. "The first rep has to be in 70 seconds or better; you get three and a half minutes after, and then he has to run the second rep -- that position, O-line/D-line -- would have to run it in 73 seconds. 73 seconds for the second one, and that's the end of the test.”

Wait, shuttles? What are they?

“Straight-line run 25 yards, touch your foot on the line, run back, touch your foot on the line. So it's six times, 300 yards.”

Like my Daddy (Poppa Tommy) used to say: “It’s a good country, America.”

Roger (“hurry, gimme my dynabol”) Clemens seems to be showing some angst (or is it roid rage?) above. Wait’ll he gets a’load of lockup ...

GRYPHON BOOKS Collectable Paperback Show

New York City Collectible Paperback & Pulp Fiction Expo #22, the big 2010 show will be held on Sunday, September 19, 2010, at the Holiday Inn on 57th Street in NYC. Come meet the ugly Knuckster and his much better looking wife ... we’ll have neat lollipops and we never forget to bring the cannoli ...


And the DOC says ...

Dear Charles,

You can’t imagine my pride when I saw that the lead story in Knucksline was lauding the release from incarceration of Lindsay Lohan. Even my Zen Buddhist healer had noticed my malaise in the past weeks and he determined that it was caused by the reduction in the population of free skanky hos in America. For too long I had feared that Knucksline was becoming too mainstream media-ish with its constant harping about the economy and the wars and Obama’s weekly vacations. Lo and behold on August 25th we picked up the skanky ho issue and ran with it. Good on us!!

I took the liberty of enrolling Knucksline as the journal of record for Skanky Hos In Turmoil or S.H.I.T. as it’s known in the trade. We’re in SHIT now and we’ll be getting in deeper as the cause grows.

We should have been there for Madonna when she took all that heat for developing a perfect British accent after a week and a half trip to London. We ignored it at the time, but now we’re in SHIT, so Madonna, we’re there for you girl. Paris Hilton, we got your back too.

This movement reminds me of the famous German mantra:
They came first for the communists,
but I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a communist.
Then they came for the skanky hos,
but I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a skanky ho.
Etc, Etc.

Even former president, Bill Clinton has expressed some interest in our movement, but he would like to see a membership list, preferably with phone numbers.

Thank you Charles, for moving us away from that Drudge Report style of journalism and moving us closer to the Entertainment Tonight genre of cutting edge reporting.

Your pal,

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Around the World with Knucks ... Bills-Lions? ... Martha’s Vineyard ... DOC says ...


Schadenfreude XXV ... no, it’s not a super bowl ... yet, but I am keeping count of the number of attorneys who ask if a book I’ve written “is any good” and then have a response at the ready should I not say, “No, it sucks. They just publish me from charity.”

“So, what are you doing here?” is their usual (and very quick) response.

To which, I reply: “What are you doing here?”

To which they reply: “Yeah, but I didn’t write any books.”

"No, not all of us can" ... but I digress.

I think the point of the attorney(s) response might go something like this: ERGO, amici, we can assume that if you write books that are published, whether well received or not, published domestically and abroad (or not), and you’re STILL working a 9-5 job (or 9-5:30, as the case may be) to pay your bills ... you MUST be a really bad author and should probably hide your head in shame ... maybe even whack yourself.

Or why else would someone ask “What are you doing here?”

Could it be the miserable SOBs aren’t very happy with their own passionless life(s)?

Whatever. Sometimes you just gotta do what I do ... which is to cough (while saying) “Jerkoff.”

Bills in a romp over the Colts (34-21) ... CJ Spiller (the Clemson Tiger turned Bill) will be awesome this season.

And the Motown Lions DESTROYED the Broncettes of Denver (25-20) ... could be the super bowl of the ages at the end of this season, amici ... Bills-Lions ... don’t miss it!

Martha’s Vineyard ... our President is vacationing ... again ... this time golfing on Martha’s Vineyard ... it must be tough dealing with all those ever escalating unemployment figures, more American and innocent Afghani deaths in Afghanistan, a rising foreclosure rate (again) and everything else that burdens the rest of us. Good to know there’s golf for a guy who wrote his first memoirs in 1995 (at the ripe old age of 34) and then a second memoir in 2006 (or was it 2008?) ... yet he can’t seem to get that car out of the ditch, can he?

But he did win a Nobel PEACE Prize after just three (or was it six) weeks in office (and after announcing he would be escalating the war in Afghanistan by 30,000 troops).

I can’t tell you how much good it does my heart to know my president feels my economic concerns ... why I would’ve been out there on the links on Martha’s Vineyard myself if I didn’t have to hear it from DOC the next day ...

306 ... and holding ... 7 more pounds to break 300 ... I have until the boyo’s wedding on 9-11 to get there ... the ugly one is -29 to date ... breaking the three bills mark could happen this week ... at which point, it’ll be a pizza celebration that should catapult me back to 302 or so ...

Don’t worry, amici, I couldn’t listen to it after 30 seconds or so either ...


And the DOC says ...

Hey Chaz,

What is this crap with the video? Normally you post those godawful opera videos which you rave about and we all hate. Now you’re putting up videos that even you don’t like. WTF?

Getting a little ticked off with the Bamster’s vacations? The media is claiming that this is vacation #6, but my calculations put it at #8 or #9. Perhaps they are reclassifying those Gulf trips for what they actually were… publicity stunts. And what is it with these constant freaking trips to get ice cream. It’s like those cold war movies where the Russians are training spies to blend in with Americans. “Now Igor, when you get to America put on your Yankees tee shirt and let everyone see you eating the ice cream. And play golf… those capitalist pigs love golf.”

I’m tired of hearing about the Ground Zero Mosque and I offer this simple Docster solution. Let them build the freaking mosque. They want to open it on September 11th. On September 10th we gas up two 747s. We give the keys to Snookie and Mike the Situation and offer them a years worth of free tanning if they can land the planes on the roof. Three problems solved!

24% of Americans think the Bamster is a Muslim. Amy Sullivan at Time then asked if 24% of Americans are “freakin’ morons”. Oh, Amy, I calculate the number is quite a bit higher than that. I was thinking more like 53%, as in 53% of Americans would hand over the White House to someone with no resume. Since Newsweek recently sold for $1 I think Time is trying to boost their circulation so they can get a buck too.

Just last week all combat troops were removed from Iraq. A small group of 30,000 armed to the teeth, non-combat troops will remain in their place.
(file under WTF)

I have recently been getting a good deal of heat due to the lack of sensitivity in some of my posts. This will end immediately. I want Knucksline to be a blog where all can gather in peace and enjoy the wonder of Knucks. There is a place in Knucksworld for everyone… the decorated Army vet and the craven, liberal, sissy-boy… our staunch allies the Brits and the French folk surrendering every time a Renault backfires… Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona (who Eric Holder wants to investigate) and the New Black Panthers (who Eric Holder does not want to investigate)… the beaming, gay newlyweds and the bitter, gay, recently divorced, up to their eyeballs in gay alimony.

Knucksline reminds me of the hunting camps of my youth where working men would sit around the campfire and discuss the issues of the day. Tolerance was the rule as all were more than half bagged and heavily armed. There is an unspoken code of etiquette when everyone is well-heeled.

I want Knucksline to be that utopian model of drunken, armed discourse.

He’s no Van Morrisson, but you gotta love the driver ...

Have a good week

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Very Kind Words on Johnny Porno from Do Some Damage


Some very kind words at Do Some Damage

Fellow author John McFetridge in Canada, where my beloved New York State Buffalo Bills may well be headed) invites yous to join a discussion:

"I don't need to write yet another glowing review, there are already dozens of them all over, from Publishers Weekly to Amazon customers. They all say basically the same thing, Charlie Stella is in Elmore Leonard and George V. Higgins territory, and that's true, so I don't need to say it again. Except he has his own voice, and it's great.

What I'd like to do is sit down with a beer and a few of you and talk about our favourite characters in the book, our favourite scenes, our favourite moments.

My favourite character might be Nan. Sure, she's a bitch, sleeping with her first ex-husband, planning to rob her second ex-husband and staying with her current husband long enough so she gets half his money in the divorce, but I like her. John Albano (Johnny Porno, though, of course, he hates the nickname) is also a great character, a working guy (who lost his union construction job for punching out a foreman) who needs money for child support and is on the edge of the mob, not wanting to get involved but not catching a break anywhere else. I believed this character completely.

And even though this is a great crime novel with terrific mobsters and cops my favourite scenes are the ones between the men and women. And there are plenty of those scenes. They're all daggers to the heart, of course, but so sharp and so real I can't help but smile a little as I feel the pain (thankful tat it's not me but knowing those moments well).

Johnny Porno takes place in 1973 and is about the mob profiting big-time from the banning of the movie Deep Throat and the cops trying to catch them showing it illegally around New York - I read a lot of the book with Google maps opened looking to see exactly where Carnasie and Massapequa and Rockaway Parkway are.

So, on the one hand it's about big social and political ideas; how organized crime benefits from a prohibition, how pornography started to become mainstream, how divorce affects children, what family really means and so on, but it's also a street-smart story of working people trying to make it day by day.

I've said here a few times that I like what's happening with the small presses these days and this book is a perfect example.

Okay, go buy the book, read it, come back and we'll talk about our favourite parts and our favourite characters. That scene with Johnny and Melinda, their first "date" in the diner where her friend is working - that is just a fantastic scene isn't it? I mean I read it and then right away I read it again."


Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Stella Wolfpack ... A piece of Garbage and a chunk of Gold ... da Bills! ... DOC says ...


The Stella brats & Company were at the Borgata for Charles’ (not Charlie’s) Bachelor Party Part I ... Dustin Stella, Charles’ best man, was the leader of the Wolfpack (you have to see The Hangover to get these references--funny movie), and a fresh graduate of the Carmelo Stella school of craps. Dustin didn’t like the long lines at the $5.00 craps tables and jumped on a $25.00 table to roll some bones the old fashioned way. Word is he had to be restrained from taking the casino down and the fellas didn’t make it back to their rooms until 7:00 a.m. ... but were back up a few hours later for the Part II drive to Manhattan where the Saturday night bachelor party took place for those who couldn’t make the journey to the A.C.

Me, I’m just glad they all made it home without injuries, arrests and/or diseases ... and word is Dustin handled this great and both parties were a blast.

Charles will be married on September 11, 2010 in Delaware ... and we think it’s a beautiful thing. From Francis Albert to Charles (not Charlie) and his beautiful bride, Leslie ...

Inception ... or, as I’m calling it from here on in, Incraption. Arguably the worst movie I’ve ever seen, I lasted all of ten minutes before falling asleep ... but, unfortunately, my sleep didn’t last long because of all the gratuitous explosions and thousands of rounds of M-16 gunfire that never seemed to find their mark ... and an occasional scream just to make damn sure nobody in the theatre could sleep for long.

I won’t review books I don’t like, but movies are another story and fair game (especially since seeing one with a loved one costs the price of 4-5 books). Ann Marie and I saw this one on some movie free-bees we received as gifts. I have a pretty simple rule to guide me regarding movies and most other forms of fictional entertainment. If it doesn’t have an iota of reality to it (or isn’t something that could happen under the right circumstances {i.e., Jurassic Park, The Exorcist, The Andromeda Strain, etc.}), I’m not interested in seeing/reading it. Therefore, I’m no fan of most sci-fi. Never was, never will be.

Even in opera and theatre, if a stage production is too grand, it’s a turn off. Knucks’ theory being: if you have to have a chandelier drop from the ceiling, the play probably blows (even if it is peppered with pretty songs). Two exceptions being Turandot at the opera and Les Miserables on Broadway.

So, agreeing to see this suicide inducing piece of shit after being warned it was a high-tech wonder and totally sci-fi, was a sacrifice to the wife because she LOVES sci-fi and special effects (and pretty much anything else they throw up on a big screen). I’m not baiting her here, it’s just the way things are; the boss likes movies. Me, not so much.

It is rare when we both like the same movie and even rarer when we both love the same movie, but there have been a few. After all, it was La Vita e’bella that brought us together. Imagine, however, how rare it is when we both HATE a movie?

Imagine no longer. Like they used to call them at Yonkers ... “INCEPTION, in front.”

Aside from the explosions and never-ending car chases and bullets that hardly ever found their marks and avalanches, exploding elevators that turn into rocket ships, a van falling (for 25 minutes) off a bridge and whatever happened while I was sound asleep, there was the necessary exposition of one character constantly updating the audience on just WTF was going on. Leo should be ashamed of himself for taking this bomb on and probably should donate the 20 or 30 million he got for it to some film school in the hope they don’t reproduce garbage this bad again in his (or my) lifetime.

But let’s not stop there ... the dialogue in this flick could put a litter of Chihuahuas to sleep. Vaguely, the story behind the dreams (and all their grating levels) has to do with something that happened between Leo and his wife (I think). Then there’s an old Asian dude and some business deal and all the “projections” (of the various paranoid and/or hallucinogenic minds) of whatever the FOCK was supposed to be going on while Leo takes several different elevator rides to the various levels/floors of his past.

Look, when I have to do a double take to make sure Tom Berenger is Tom Berenger, something is seriously wrong with the picture. Nobody should FOCK with Tom Berenger’s looks.

The one bright shining moment in this torture affair was when a freight train appeared out of nowhere (obviously Leo’s past) and started knocking cars out of the way of a very busy boulevard. I briefly wondered what it would be like in 3-D where I’d at least have the hope that said freight train could put me and the rest of the suckers who paid to get in out of our collective misery.

But here’s a Temporary Knucksline blurb for the movie anyway: Inception, a piece of shit from start to finish with a very long and shitty interval between start and finish. Run your fingers through a meat grinder. It’ll be more fun.

Kudos to author and all around great guy, Keith Rawson for nailing my Facebook tease about this piece of shit movie.

The Last Station ... and now, the Gold ...we finally got to see the movie based on the Jay Parini book I read about a month ago and it was a pure delight (for both Mrs. and Mr. Knucks). Helen Mirren is a beautiful woman (at whatever her age is) and she was absolutely masterful in the role of Countess Tolstoy; a mother and wife determined to retain the fruits of her husband’s literary labors (whether he likes it or not). Tolstoy rejected all things material toward the end of his life and a greater good humanitarian society was created in his honor (The Tolstoyan movement). Headed by Paul Giamatti’s character (Vladimir Cherktov), the movement seeks to have the author of Anna Karenina and War & Peace give up all his works to the people of Russian in the form of a new will that will leave his wife and children on their own. Tolstoy’s wife is in a back and forth battle with Cherkov, with both using James McAvoy’s character (Bulgakov) to learn what the other side has planned. Unlike her husband, the Countess is not anxious to give up the better things in life for the sake of the Russian (or any other) people. The back and forth between husband wife is wonderful stuff, as was all the dialogue in this masterpiece about the circumstances surrounding one of the greatest authors ever. Kudos to the entire cast; they were wonderful.

And The Last Station is a brilliant film I’ll see several times in the future.

And then there are my beloved New York State Buffalo Bills (grazing, as you can tell by the picture above) who not only managed to give up 42 points to the Washington Redskins this past week, they managed to injure both their rotating backs. Great. Maybe our genius management up in Orchard Park will bring back the no-huddle again. Last year they nearly killed poor Trent Edwards with that brainstorm of an idea. This year, now that we’ve signed a great kick and punt returner (C.J. Spilling from Clemson), we can probably count on kick-offs being our best offensive plays (since other teams will be scoring so often) but let’s face it, he’ll probably get to rest on the punts ...

Vey iz mir ...


And the DOC says ...

Dear Charles,

The amicis and I really have to thank you for these glimpses you provide of your world. Knucksworld really is a fabulous place. Everyone reads four books a week. The worst crisis you’ve had in recent memory is a movie with too many elevators and the bullets didn’t hit enough people to suit you. Then of course there is Sunday when you watch the Buffalo Bills, a football team that is set up like a government entitlement program… lots of expenses, nice uniforms, pretty cheerleaders and no results. The Bills couldn’t win a game if they were backed up by a squad of snipers. Lala-land has nothing on you, brother. You have Kindle, a set of drums that’s worth more than your car, a hot tub on the deck, a Buffalo Bills tattoo and a talking mouse. God is good!

MEANWHILE, in the real world:
Our First Lady, Chewbacca came back from Spain to a PR nightmare. (That would be Public Relations, Chaz, not Puerto Rican. A Puerto Rican nightmare is an ounce of weed and no rolling paper). They needed a quick cover story to justify the $75,000 per day junket. Luckily for the Wookie, one of her traveling buddies had just lost her father, so that became the alibi. Michelle just wanted to spend some quality time with her grieving friend… and her daughter…and 38 other non-grieving friends. Maybe I’m just cheap. When my friend’s father died I just showed up at the house with a bottle of Southern Comfort and a bag of Doritos.

Her new, hobby program to battle childhood obesity is starting soon. It needed funding, so they took the money from… FOOD STAMPS. You can’t make this stuff up. It’s actually a good idea because those little fat bastards are always slowing up the line at McDonalds.

The Bamster once again strayed away from his teleprompter and put his full support behind the Ground Zero Mosque. He did this after his Ramadan dinner. So let’s see, he doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but he has a Ramadan dinner, but he’s not a Muslim. I had a friend who used to knock off a few beers after breakfast. He said he wasn’t an alcoholic. He just liked to carb-up before work.

Tell me you don’t see the resemblance.

Have a good week in Knucksworld, Chazmeister

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Working Class Hero … Ball of Confusion … the Wolfpack … Knucks’ 2010 NFL Picks … DOC says ...


Steven Slater, American Heroyep, that’s right, amici, Temporary Knucksline declares this guy an American Hero (Sing it, Mr. Lennon):

With how this administration (and the last one) has handled the plight of the American worker, it was great to see somebody lose it with style. Now we’d like to see the person who initially abused him get his or her name in the papers and their picture on Youtube. After all, fair is fair.

While we’re on that work theme, how about how our unemployment figures are being manipulated (a genuine ball of confusion). Mr. Herbert straightens some of it out for us (with yet another reminder that a war that is costing us hundreds of billions in dollars continues to be fought at this point for no rhyme or reason whatsoever). Mr. Herbert’s New York Times article today was appropriately titled: The Horror Show

The Wolfpack … Charles (not Charlie) Stella will be marrying Leslie Sharpe in Delaware on September 11, 2010 (just a few weeks away). The boyo’s younger brother, Dustin, is in charge of the bachelor party, which is this Friday (the 13th) in Atlantic City (and why Dustin was over for craps lessons last week). The thing of it is, this is what is left of the Stella legacy … fortunately, they’re both a lot smarter and a lot nicer than yours truly, so the future of future Stella brats is in good hands … the poster was created by my son-in-law. If yous are familiar with The Hangover, this is funny stuff.

And here’s what you’ve really been waiting for ... Knucks’ 2010 NFL Locks of the Year!

Wes Cravens win the AFC North because Carson Palmer won’t get it done AGAIN in Cincinnati, where the T.O.-Ochocinco show will turn ugly by week 5).

The Indiacrapolis Coltless will cruise in the AFC South but will make an extra early exit come the playoffs.

The Broncettes will win the not so wild AFC West but not because they’re the best … because the Lightning Boltless will choke early and often.

And in the AFC Best, it’ll be the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets who win it all and make their long overdue trip to the dance.

Over in the Nationalized Football Conference, it’ll be Singletary’s 49’ers taking the Bay and the West while Cowgirls slaughter the Yeast, the Twin City Vikings overpower the North and the Aint’s take the South … and it’ll be the Aint’s once again left standing when all the smoke clears because when it comes to big games, nobody folds like those girls from Dallas.

The J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets will come close but there will be no cigar. The Aints get another trip to the White House same time next year after a back-to-back big bowl victory.

But here’s what you’re all REALLY waiting for … how will my beloved New York State Buffalo Bills do in 2010?

Looking over their schedule, I see 5 wins and 11 losses … but more important than this season (which is yet another throwaway for future draft picks), I see these bright spots:

How ‘bout those Buffalo Jills!


And the DOC says ...

Oh, Lord, amici, I’m not going to censor him AGAIN ... who wants to hear him afterward? So, here he is (fully wrong about my attending the bachelor party, by the way--most of yous know I don’t leave the house once I’m home from work unless it’s to eat something) ... le DOC (uncensored):

Hey Chaz,

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you. I spent all day yesterday sitting by the phone hoping to get an invitation to Charlie Rangel’s birthday bash. I told his office I was the political correspondent for Knucksline. When I mentioned that you owed 26,000 fazools to the IRS they sounded pretty interested. When I told them it had been paid they called me an amateur and hung up.

I was originally a fan of the JetBlue guy, but I have a feeling he is one of those “15 Minutes of Famers” whose fame will last 14 minutes more than anyone can stand. After making his tour of all the morning shows you will be wishing that the emergency chute didn’t deploy and he had fallen to his death. Is that insensitive?

The Knucksline football picks are out and I see a negative prediction for my beloved Cincinnati “All Felony/All the Time” Bengals. They have a new defensive strategy this year. They will actually be bringing their guns on to the field. That should make for some interesting touchdown dances.

So the Stella Wolfpack is heading down to Atlantic City? Please bear in mind that you are no longer a wolf… an over-the-hill, overfed pug… perhaps. The main reasons you were invited were to make a teary speech and pay for stuff. Go to bed early and ask no questions in the morning.

The government has just realized that they are making BP payments to a gaggle of fake fishermen. Knucksline made that prediction in June and yet our bureaucrats are once again “surprised”.

The unemployment figures are out and they are once again “surprisingly” high. In Obamaland, sunrise must be a daily source of shock and awe.

Michelle “junk in the trunk” Obama’s recent trip to Spain has killed her popularity ratings. The Spanish authorities closed down a public beach so Michelle and 39 of her closest friends could take a dip. They claimed it was a security concern. It wasn’t what you would think. They were afraid that she might turn around too quickly and that caboose of hers would knock a blanket full of Spanish children into the sea.

Have a good time in A.C. and buy Charles a drink for me.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Got Juice? ... Mr. Met ... Fava Beans ... Mr. Herbert ... batting 300 in Pakistan ... DOC says ...


A-Fraud ... Alex (I didn’t know what I was taking, but I sure hit a lot of home runs while I was taking it ... and I got to nail Madonna!) Rodriguez has hit home run number 600. Or, to be more realistic, he’s hit home run number 17 this season (of his anabolic discontent). Wait, superstar only has 17 home runs this season ... but how can that be? Didn’t Barry Bonds hit more and more homers as he got older and older? A-Fraud just epitomizes the organization he plays for; nothing is real. Everything is bought and paid for, except sometimes the fazools don’t work and they don’t get to buy a ring anyway.

A-Fraud? We don’t need no stinkin’ A-Fraud. We don’t need no (more) stinkin’ steriods.

Let’s Go Mets!

My old man took me to my first Mets game when box seats were $3.50 and I got to see Willie Mays hit an in the park homerun (he flew around those bases) and Willie McCovey launched one over the 410 sign in center field (on a rope). My Dad’s Giants beat my Mets 6-2, but I loved seeing professional baseball players giving 100% for 9 innings. That’s when baseball was baseball ... starting pitchers often threw in excess of 250 innings ... the only juice they took came out of a bottle of Seagrams or Rheingold ... kids could save milk cartons and go to a game where the players were expected to (and did) run it out or sit on the bench ... players usually stayed with the team that brought them and team loyalty was sacrosanct.

Brett Favre beans ... he’ll be back ... again ... or the Vikings will have to develop a kid they can have a future with. Last year was just about as miraculous as they come for Favre and the Vikings. It won’t happen again this year and I suspect Favre knows it, but he’ll show up and they’ll make the playoffs again ... and take an early exit again ... and then he’ll retire again ... again.

Bob Herbert on the War(s) … "July was the deadliest month yet for American troops in Afghanistan. Sixty-six were killed, which was six more than the number who died in the previous most deadly month, June. The nation is paying little or no attention to those deaths, which is shameful. The president goes to fund-raisers and yuks it up on “The View.” For most ordinary Americans, the war is nothing more than an afterthought."

Again, Mr. Herbert, an Obama supporter, doesn’t let Fredo off the hook by knocking wingnuts or defending this idiotic presidency without reservation. For Mr. Herbert, Fredo may be the lesser of the two evils, but at least he applies the pressure (which Fredo, due to that unrelenting blind faith loyalty that claims it is against Republicans more than for the Democrats, gets to ignore as much as the media (WHERE IS ALL THE WAR ANGST?) ignores the war(s)).

So it goes.

300 assassinations in one year in Pakistan ... great, another society hell bent on self-destruction we can’t involve ourselves enough with. This mess is going to change into a western democracy, too? Right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.

For DOC ...


And the DOC says ...

Hey Chaz,

We’re getting a mega mosque at Ground Zero. We have a new Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. The same sex marriage ban has been banned. The unemployment numbers are (surprisingly) up again. And what are we covering in TK… sports. No wonder our readership numbers are only slightly better than the New York Times and Newsweek. And we don’t even publish military secrets. As a side note, at any point will this become Permanent Knucksline? We have been “temporary” longer than a government entitlement program.

The Bamster has been lecturing us all week about how wonderful it is to have diversity on the Supreme Court. Personally, I don’t see it. Kagan just seems to be a less attractive, gringo version of Sotomayor. Obviously, Fredo was talking about gender diversity. It seems that the only time gender diversity is not a good thing is in a marriage.

The location for the mega mosque at Ground Zero was determined to not warrant landmark status. The other 20+ buildings on that block all have landmark status, but not that one. That was our last argument to stop it, so NY will need to resort to the “Docster Defense”. Tell Achmed that he can build his mosque, but due to union zoning regulations all heating/AC and ductwork will have to be installed by Mossad Heating & Cooling Company. Somewhere around October when the heat comes on and all 13 floors smell like bacon they’ll get the joke.

I think I have addressed this before, but I’ll come to A-rod’s defense one more time. If you are banging Madonna like a screen door in a windstorm, you need steroids. It also wouldn’t hurt to be taking some weapons-grade penicillin.

Since it’s Friday, let’s take one more shot at the religion of peace.

Have a great weekend