Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Scott is coming … Bills-Yets … TK Board meeting Friday Night with Doc …

Reviewed here back in February, Russel D. McLean’s The Lost Sister gets its official release this week (October 1, 2010). Pre-order in the U.S. here. Russel is one of the truly good people in the crime writing world, as he comes from prime stock … and he’s a terrific writer (world class or they wouldn’t be buying and selling his work across the oceans of this world). He’s here to tour with the new book and although he won’t have the same suite as last time he stayed at casa stella (renamed castle stella for Laird McLean’s stay) [the old suite is now a drum room], hopefully he’ll enjoy the new suite directly opposite the old.

Now, while it isn’t easy to forgive the politicians in Scotland who let the Lockerbie bomber out of jail on a fugazy “compassionate release”, TK figures BP and others in the UK had a direct hand in that abortion of justice so Laird McLean gets a pass.

TK does want to suggest another compassionate release (Knucks’ style) here and now: How about yous kidnap the piece of shit back and proceed to release his body through a meat grinder one inch at a time? We here at TK promise to eat raw onions so as to feign compassion …

Lockerbie aside, the ugly one actually owns land in Scotland, one entire square foot worth of Scottish turf at the LaPhroaig distillery and this weekend my brother from another mother will be granted his own square foot of Fords, New Jersey sod just outside Castle Stella; consecrated ground, for sure, as Rigoletto has left his mark there a thousand times or so.

Any of yous in the area who wish to visit with the Scotsman at Castle Stella, send me an email but be prepared to make it for Sunday night because the Laird is only here for three days before he hits the road with The Lost Sister.

Russel has his own blog that comes live from Scotland (when he’s not on the road) …

Bills-Yets … listen to me, we’re poised and ready. We have our mojo back (30 points against the Cheaterfaces last week) … the Yets are over-confident and ready to upset … Reevis and Butheads have no shot this week … Reevis will be reaching for that “bad hammy” all day long as future hall of famer (the Irish kid playing QB) will light up the scoreboard and Mark Sanchize gets schooled on INT’s as the Bills Shout theme song plays over and over and over again (after each Bills TD). Mortgage the house and take the Bills in the upset of the week, Bills 34 – Yets 17 … because NOBODY CIRCLES THE WAGONS LIKE THE BUFFALO BILLS!

Bills shout song:

Friday night the Doc is stopping over for a few as the Board of Directors of Temporary Knucksline has their bi-monthly get shit-faced stockholders meeting.

(Per Doc last week in reference to TK’s disclaimer about his “asshole” song):

Hey Chaz,

That's kind of a lengthy disclaimer for my modest constructive criticisms. Why didn't you warn the amicis not to drive or operate heavy machinery while reading them.

If you're this cranky you must be back on the diet again. I think we need some drinks and pizza this week. We'll call it a TK editorial staff brainstorming session. Pick a day.


Doc sent this link about the beer service he’ll be providing at said shareholders meeting:

To recap: Friday its Doc … Sunday it’s my beloved New York State Buffalo Bills over the Moonachie Yets ... and the Scotsman, Russel D. McLean, is in town with The Lost Sister


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Doc says (and sings) ... oy vey ...


Oh, Lordy, he's gone nuts again ... TK takes no responsibility for Doc's "asshole song" below ... but we sure wish he included a few representatives of his party of choice ... like the one who could see Russia from her house ... the one who apologized to BP ... the one who started both wars we obviously can't win (the same one who started the bailouts and felt rich people deserved bigger tax breaks) ... the one with the forever tan speaking for the latest contract ON America (the pledge photocopied from a 90's playbook) ... and, of course, the latest girl genius who thinks science has cloned mice with developed human brains (and who wanted to legislate against masturbation) ...

Here now, clearly off his meds again, le doc ...

Hey Chaz,


The Volvo S40 is a nice car. I almost bought one once, but then I realized I wasn’t ready to make the lifestyle changes that the car required. You know, carrying the murse (man purse), wearing the Birkenstocks and the driving gloves, changing my name to Brant, joining Amnesty International and Greenpeace, buying a counterfeit NYU sticker for the back window. A 2005 Volvo should come with a “Kerry/Edwards” bumper sticker, but if you write to the factory they will replace it with a “Change You Can Believe In” upgrade at no charge. Drive it in good health.


I got a queasy feeling when Congress decided they should investigate if baseball players were juicing up. If it was any of their business at all, shouldn’t they look at football players first? They weigh 900 pounds and can bench press Rosie O’Donnell, so why baseball players? I figured out that congressmen just wanted to meet their favorite players, so they launched this ludicrous investigation.

Beyond ludicrous, last week, congress had Stephen Colbert, a rich white, comedian testify on behalf of poor, brown, migrant farm workers. Aside from being inappropriate the smug bastard wasn’t even funny. When one of the congressmen, who was so drunk or senile that he couldn’t even put a sentence together, tries to object to this farce the other morons override him. In spite of that, congress wonders why they have a popularity rating slightly below genital herpes.

I’m waiting for our elected officials to launch their in depth investigation of breast implants to determine if Pamela Anderson should have an asterisk next to her name in TV Guide.

Here’s one for our political elite (and Volvo drivers)

Have a good week, Chucky

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Grumpy Knucks (Job II) ... Another Democratic Victory?


Doc received a much more animated version of the story below ... but this is for public consumption and just in case the tea party whack jobs do find their way into power, I’m trimming some of the animated language from said story.

Job was a biblical character screwed sixteen ways to Sunday because Satan challenged God. God chose Job (substitute Knucks here) to prove to Satan that masochism is a good thing.

Sunday, after pissing off one of my 11 fans nationwide by leaving the signing early (before she lugged all my books to be signed), God screwed me by killing my always (until then) dependable Honda (3 working doors and all) ... we had it towed and the mechanic said (the next day), "I can't find anything wrong with it, Knucks." We let him keep it for 3 days and he still said it was okay, especially after he tightened a few wires under the distributor cap (whatever the MF that is) ... so, last night (Friday), Job II had to play drums at a studio on the other side of New Jersey ... but first, Mr. and Mrs. Job II decided it was time to buy a new used car ... so we went to a dealer Mrs. Job II had been online with and we chose a 2005 Volvo S40 ... a mini tank ... but it needs to be tuned up, etc., so we told the guy we'd come back and test drive it again once he had it up to speed. It was 6:30 p.m. ... Mrs. Job II had an appointment in Staten Island so she took the rental one way; Mr. Job II had that studio on the other side of New Jersey to go to so he took the Honda (that there was “nothing wrong with”). Mr. Job II drove on the Garden State Parkway searching for Exit 153B. At 141, the Honda died.

My name there ... please, do me a favor already. I'm not good at suffering ...

It was towed to Newark, but fortunately, Mr. Job II caught Mrs. Job II before she went to her appointment on Staten Island and she followed the tow truck to Newark and we were able to attend the studio session on the other side of New Jersey (which was good, because I needed to bang something).

Now it’s Saturday morning and I get to try and get the dead Honda back from a Newark tow yard. Great ... there’s nothing more I want to do. My day off (Friday) turned into another tow truck nightmare and now I get to do it one more time. God be warned, I am getting good at this ... so he (or she) will have to find another way to torture me soon. Doc says I can expect lightning bolts and locusts ... I'll settle for a lunch date with him in the Irish bar of his choice (remember that nightmare Chris on the Sopranos had? Paraphrasing: "I dreamed I died and went to hell. It was an Irish bar and we were playing craps, but all the Irishmen were winning.")

Life’s been good to who so far?

Mind that Healthcare Gap ...

Health Care Costs rise as insurance companies take advantage of “the gap” ... once again, the brain trust at the White House (all those Ivy leaguers who know so much more than the rest of us) ignored pleas for stipulations when they signed the watered-down (total bullshit) health care reform into law (the one they didn’t bother reading) and now the gap between the law's passage and when Insurance Companies will be somewhat capped has become their opportunity to stick it to all of us. Increases from 10-40% are now being levied against their customers (you, me, our employers, etc.) while Democrats write this off by saying “Well, they were doing that anyway.”

Yeah, so what happened to National Health Insurance?

So, my beef with the Democratic Party increases... not only are they duplicitous in the extreme (the party of the people my ass), they have now proven beyond a reasonable doubt they are as incompetent as they are duplicitous. The way they could’ve written stipulations into their bailout for big bucks campaign two years ago, they could have added stipulations to their fugazy health care bill that PRECLUDED insurance companies from taking advantage of the gap between the bill’s passage and enforcement.

I had to try and digest my breakfast while watching CNN debate “the gap” this morning ... even the guy hosting the debate asked the democratic Congresswoman from Philadelphia, “Couldn’t you foresee this coming?”

And her answer was, “But they were doing it anyway, raising rates 10, 20, 30 and 40%.”

As Dave Terrenoire once put it, “Sweet Jesus on a Vespa.”

Sorry, President Obama is ultimately responsible for this fiasco he wants to claim is health care reform. Those on the true left (not the left that caved in at the last minute, i.e., Michael Moore, Dennis Kucinich, et al for the sake of a dream as opposed to the reality they could’ve demanded), see this as one more FAILURE of this president and HIS Party. Way to go, Hahvahd. Those insurance companies you “reformed” continue to laugh their way to the banks (who’ve been laughing since you gave them $800 billion of our dollars).


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Doc says ...


The Godmother said Doc was gonna go wild with my last post ... and here he is, le doc:

Hey Chaz,

So, Knucksline is lauding Lady Gaga. It can’t be long before we start seeing the photos of Keith Olberman slow dancing with Sarah Palin, as the snow clouds gather steadily over hell. This new found respect wouldn’t have anything to do with the Gaga wearing a “meat” dress to the MTV awards ceremony, would it? You have always had a weakness for women wearing food.

Sorry to hear about the demise of your vehicle and just when you had it broken in nicely. While you’re shopping for your new ride you should take a look at the luxury models. You know… the type where you can open all the doors from the inside.

Cynthia, if you decide to take the Knuckster up on his lunch invitation I can offer you a few tips.

- Do not wear anything flammable. When he chooses to use them, sparks actually do fly off of his eating utensils.
- Eat fast. If the Chazmeister finishes before you, he will shoot glances at your plate the way wolves look at yorkies.
- Do not go with him to Irish taverns. He will wear out his welcome before you’ve taken your coat off.
- Enjoy!

Hickory, Dickory, Doc

Last week there was an article in the paper. It ran its 48 hour cycle on the Drudge Report and I haven’t heard about it since. To me this was the “stand up on the bullet train and pull the emergency brake” moment for the whole Jobs Recovery Package, but it was pushed off the front page to cover Lindsay Lohan’s latest screwups.

It seems President Obama gave $111 MILLION DOLLARS to Los Angeles to create jobs. With that money, L.A. created (or saved) 55 jobs. Using extremely government-friendly rounding, that comes to $2 MILLION per job. This would have been an ideal opportunity for Obama to analyze exactly why the Stimulus Package is not stimulating. I would like to see Obama pull Air Force 1 into LAX with a pad full of pink slips and interview every damned bureaucrat who touched that money. We could put it on CSPAN. God knows they owe him a ton of time he never used explaining the health care plan. We need to get to the bottom of this. Did L.A. build a $110 Million golf course with 55 undocumented groundskeepers making $18,000 per year?

Let’s get realistic here. If you gave $111,000,000 to Ron Popeil he would have turned that into a Fortune 500 company employing 30,000 people. Hell, if you gave it to that freaking, annoying Sham-Wow guy, he could create at least 500 jobs.

Better yet, give the money to me and I’ll create jobs up the wazoo…

3 Ferrari mechanics, 25 yacht builders, 6 Swedish masseuses, 2 gunsmiths, 15 barmaids, 4 serving wenches and a 3rd shift at the Coors brewery. I would probably have to add a Lexus full of divorce lawyers to the mix, but hey, sometimes patriotism requires sacrifice. I might even hire a portly, crime novelist to chronicle the whole event. I can assure you that I won’t remember much of it.

Have a great week old pal of mine

Trains, apologies, tow trucks, the Bills and Lady Gaga …


Back in the day, the ugly one drove Cadillacs (several different ones) and although one was a hell of a car (the Sedan De Ville), the other two (Eldorado and Seville) were garbage that fell apart as I drove them. I also used to drive a friend around in his Fleetwood Brougham and that boat was nothing but a pleasure (the greatest battleship ever produced, you ask me) … but then I was published and so began the legitimate (lean) years (money, not weight) … flash forward a dozen years and my screw-up at a signing the other day in Manhattan (for which this post is part public apology to one Cynthia Bona—she was nice enough to lug all her copies of my books to the signing but I had left early—not the first time I did this—I once did it to Doc too) to try and see the start of the Yets-Cheaterface game. God punished me for my indiscretion (and killed our 12 year old Honda with 165,000 miles on it just 1 mile from our exit on the Jersey turnpike).

Before I forget, Cynthia, if you’re reading this … consider this an open invitation to lunch on me. I am truly very sorry for taking off before the end of the book fair. The offer stands whenever you’re ready to forgive me.

So, it’s either off to the showroom or Knucks learns how to roller skate to work starting next week.

My beloved New York State Buffalo Bills … well, what can I say, Trent Edwards is out and we’re starting an Irishman in his place. Oy vey … a Fitzpatrick or Fitzgerald or some such name. Then again, it was an Irishman who brought us near glory in the early 90’s (Kelly) … so onward, Bills! I almost feel sorry for the Cheaterfaces from New England this week … almost.

In the Studio … the ugly one sits on his throne (not that one) and plays some tunes this Friday night in a Parsippany, NJ studio with a band he's been playing with. Some of the music is real to life fun (especially their originals) and some is … well, painful. So it goes …

Lady Gaga gets political … normally I wouldn’t resist to yap sarcastically about these kinds of celebrities but she is trying to do the right thing … the problem is it has to do with “don’t ask/don’t tell” and the votes she’s trying to sway are of the “no way, Jose” kind (i.e., the Republican Party lockstep "NO" vote because they smell blood in the water and President Obama has been hemorrhaging since he was inaugurated). So, to clarify, it’s not only okay to get your head blown off before you can have a beer in most states, you can’t admit to being homosexual. Righties, please, it’s time to grow up about this.

So, you go Girl/Lady … Who cares if you’re a Madonna wannabe or that you repeat the same words 4,000 x’s per song ... big ups to you, G-Girl.

And on that note …


Saturday, September 18, 2010

We’re hawking books tomorrow in Manhattan ... the Locks of the week ... hire us eye-talians!


GRYPHON BOOKS Collectable Paperback Show

New York City Collectible Paperback & Pulp Fiction Expo #22, the big 2010 show will be held on ...

Sunday, September 19, 2010
at the Holiday Inn on 57th Street in NYC.

Come and meet Mr. and Mrs. Knucks ...

Confirmed guest authors and artists include:
CHARLES ARDAI, award-winning crime author and editor of Hard Case Crime.
ED BALCOURT, renown artist rep who was a key player in paperback publishing.
LINTON BALDWIN, Lion Books crime author.
MARCUS BOAS, fabulous fantasy artist.
ELAINE DUILLO, famous cover artist and the “Queen of Romance!”
RON GOULART, master storyteller, SF writer, pulp and comic book scholar, more.
C.J. HENDERSON, crime, fantasy and SF author.
MORRIS HERSHMAN, Manhunt author and soft-core author as Arnold English.
MARVIN KAYE, famous fantasy author and Sherlockian anthologist.
JACK KETCHUM, famous author of chilling horror and wonderful fantasy!
SANDY KOSSIN, classic vintage paperback cover artist and illustrator!
ANNETTE & MARTIN MEYERS, mystery author couple, also write as Maan Meyers.
JOHN NORMAN, science fantasy author and creator of the famous GOR series.
RHODA PLOTKIN, wife of artist Barney Plotkin.
S.J. ROZAN, crime author and creator of the famous Lydia Chin series.
NORMAN SPINRAD, famous science fiction author, as available.
STAN TRYBULSKI, crime author,
F. PAUL WILSON, famous science fiction and horror masterful author.
PERSIA WALKER, crime author,
KEN WISHNIA, hard crime and mystery author.
CHARLIE STELLA, representing the Lions-Bills faction of the writing world.
JACK FARAGASO, vintage paperback cover artist and famed illustrator.
RON LESSER, vintage paperback cover artist and famed illustrator.
MARK ELLIS, creator of James Axler's Outlanders series and much more!
ANN BANNON, vintage Gold Medal paperback author of classic lesbian pulp novels.

This Stella person will have all his dopey books available as well as lollipops (the wife’s idea. Don’t ask).

The locks of the week ... take the Lions and the 6.5 points ... take the Bills and the 13.5 points (are they kidding me?) ... money in the bank, amici.

And finally, stop letting my people go ... my peeps are getting the short end of the stick and we want reparations (and jobs!). Seriously, WTF? Remember what Senator Pat Geary said in The Godfather:

“Mr. Chairman, I would like to verify the witness’s statement. For years now, a growing number of my constituents have been of Italian descent, and I have come to know them well. They have honored me with their support and with their friendship. Indeed, I can proudly say some of my very best friends are Italian Americans.

“These hearings on the Mafia are in no way whatsoever a slur upon the great Italian people. Because I can state from my own knowledge and experience that Italian Americans are among the most loyal, most law-abiding, patriotic, hard working American citizens in this land.

“And it would be a shame, Mr. Chairman, if we allowed a few rotten apples to bring a bad name to the whole barrel. Because from the time of the great Christopher Columbus up through the time of Enrico Fermi right up to the present day — Italian Americans have been pioneers in building and defending our great nation. They are the salt of the earth and one of the backbones of this country.”

- Senator Pat Geary

Yo, Yo ... here we go:

If you make it to the book thing tomorrow, I'll be the guy in the Buffalo Bills shirt ...

Go Bills!


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Doc says ...

Hey Chaz,

“Unlike Doc, I like her … a lot.” (Knucksline 09/15/10)
Now what exactly are you trying to tell me here, Chuckles?

The Republicans eat their young
After several Tea Party victories in Tuesday’s primaries the Rep Elites have all but accepted defeat for these newcomers in November. These are the same geniuses who picked a doddering, dinosaur to run against a young, smooth talking, newcomer in 2008.

The Rep Elites have finally realized that America’s sudden thirst for conservative candidates will affect their job security as well. They haven’t totally thrown the new Tea Party candidates under the bus. They are going to send Christine O’Donnel a check for $42,000. That should be more than enough to run one ad on one of those radio stations at the far end of the dial; the stations that only dogs can hear.

For the older amicis, doesn’t Christine O’Donnel remind you of the young Linda Ronstadt. That would be before Linda ate her backup band.

But we’re screwed anyway.

Charlie Rangel despite facing 13 ethics violations sailed to a big win in his district. What must it take for some people to change their habits? Would Charlie have to drive his car off a bridge and kill his passenger, then disappear for 12 hours while he sobered up? Nah, that wouldn’t work either. The real tragedy is that these very same people will be voting in November this year and in 2012.

Since you don’t like me or at least not a lot, I offer you this challenge. Pick the Super Bowl winner now and then refuse to drone on and on about that dopey game until you are vindicated in January. Trust me, the amicis won’t mind.

As far as the Bengals recent loss I have only this to say. This is what happens when you take away convicted felon’s constitutional right to carry firearms on the field. At the very least the quarterback should be allowed to pack heat.

Miscellaneous Crap
The International House of Pancakes is suing the International House of Prayer for copyright infringement (IHOP). Perhaps the International House of Prayer should beseech the Lord for some creativity.

The 2 day employment of voting site workers will be added to the statistics of “Jobs Created” for November. It can’t be long before Unemployment recipients are reclassified as Government Employees and we have 100% employment.

According to a CNN poll, 25% of citizens trust the government to do the right thing (and this is on CNN!) Chaz, I think I have found a 25% market share for our business venture… and our slogan.

“Join the Charlie Stella Fitness Plan today and see your waistline shrink like a government entitlement program!!!”

President Obama's book will be released in November. Between the vacations and weekends and date nights and cocktail parties where does this guy find time to write books? He truly must be the Messiah. By the way, his book is 40 pages long. Now how much did you get paid for Johnny Porno, which was 300 pages longer?

The young Linda sings one of my favorites.

Have a good week.
Your former friend,

The Week in Review … Weddings, football ... Mr. and Mrs. Obama … a book fair (meet Mr. and Mrs. Knucks) ... a very sad note ...


Charles Stella married Leslie Sharpe on Saturday, September 11, 2010 in Wilmington, Delaware …

Jets vs. Hottie reporter ... are you kidding me? Sorry, but my dinosaur comes out with this story. What the hell does anyone expect? Yous put a tomata this hot in a room (or practice field) full of testosterone and think what else was going to happen, exactly? Maybe they should've been practicing football more than catcalls, but have you seen this broad? Momma mia ... forgetaboutit.

My beloved New York State Buffalo Bills … were the joke of the week on ESPN and pretty much all other media venues with their piss poor offensive performance against the Dolphinations of Miami. There was some good stuff going on with our defense but future hall of famer Trent Edwards was having problems moving the ball.

That said, we weren’t one tenth the disappointment the Y-E-T-S, Yets, Yets, Yets were to their fans over in the great and corrupt state of New Jersey. The Moonachie Yets were about as bad as it gets and until (as Boomer Esiason pointed out on sports radio) they take the “training wheels” off Mark Sanchez, they’re gonna suck an awful lot of wind. The Yets don’t figure it out fast, they’ll be looking at a reverse of last season’s record (7-9).

Speaking of windbags, how ‘bout it Rex, time to put a lid on it yet maybe? Ya’ think?

Ray Lewis had this to say …

Both the Cowgirls of Dallas Texas and the Skinless of Washington Reds put on an equally dismal offensive show. Quite frankly, it looks like the one-time toughest division in all of football is looking like a bowl full of parity this season. This could open the door for the Moonachie Giants to find their way once again and return to the playoffs with steam if they can build up some more confidence.

The New England Cheaterfaces looked about as good as it gets on offense the other day but I’m not so sure it was them playing so good or the Bengals being the traditional bust they always turn out to be. I lost a ton of respect for Bengal coach what’s his face for making excuses for his two top receivers walking off before the half (and one last chance at a hail Mary), although I doubt the most overrated QB in NFL history (Carson Palmer) would’ve done anything with the opportunity. The Cheaterface offense will get tested against the Yets defense, although two scores (field goals, safeties or TD’s) should nail down an easy win against the hapless Yet offense.

The Chefs pulled one off against the San Diego Chargerless and that was pretty neat to see. That division should be wide open this season … anybody (but the Raiderettes) could figure.

The Texans over the Coltless … what a beautiful thing that was … Peyton threw 53 times? How’d that work out for them?

The Lions was robbed and the Bears should hide their heads in shame. My super bowl pick (Lions-Bills) may well get derailed by the officiating in both games as NFL officials tried their best to cover the spreads with penalty flags. Before any of yous think it’s sour grapes, think NBA and their officials (like it doesn’t happen).

Player of the week was Joe Flacco … after taking that hit on first down in the first quarter, I would’ve thought he folded the rest of the game. This kid looks about 14, but he’s all man and earns total respect for not only staying in the game but doing pretty damn good against a great defense. One has to think Baltimore is the team to beat in the AFC after Monday night.

President Obama took a hard one on the chin from Maureen Dowd as she documented the loss of her sister’s vote for “change” … Peggy Dowd, an Obamican who fell for the hype, charm and opportunity to be a part of history has come to terms with reality. Here’s the crux of the article:

Peggy thinks the president has done fine managing W.’s messes in Iraq and Afghanistan. And she lights up at the mention of his vice president, Joe Biden. But she thinks Obama has to get “a backbone” if he wants to lure her back to the fold. “He promised us everything, saying he would turn the country around, and he did nothing the first year,” Peggy says. “He piddled around when he had 60 votes. He could have pushed through the health care bill but spent months haggling on it because he wanted to bring some Republicans on board. He was trying too hard to compromise when he didn’t need the Republicans and they were never going to like him. Any idiot could see that.

“He could have gotten it through while Teddy Kennedy was still alive — he owed the Kennedys something — and then the bill was watered down.

“He hasn’t saved the economy, and now he’s admitting he’s made very little progress. You can’t for four years blame the person who used to be president. Obama tries to compromise too much, and he doesn’t look like a strong leader. I don’t watch him anymore. I’m turned off by him. I think he’s an elitist. He went down to the gulf, telling everyone to take a vacation down there, and then he goes to Martha’s Vineyard. He does what he wants but then he tells us to do other things.

“I want him in that White House acting like a president, not out on the campaign trail. Not when the country is going down the toilet.”

For the record, that was Peggy Dowd inferring President Obama couldn’t see what any idiot could (regarding Republican non-support of his policies).

So-called Elitists like the title and often take pleasure in what they think is a concession to their smarts by the fact of their being labeled as such. The problem with that arrogance is they believe they can do no wrong … they’re above it all … they know better … they have private education and Ivy league degrees. Yeah? So what happened?

I know sanitation workers who could’ve done a better job of handling those bailouts than the last two Presidents (one from Yale, the other from Harvard). Hell, I know I would’ve earned LARGE off that $800 billion and had the guys I lent it to painting my house on weekends.

Mrs. Obama ... On the other hand, I watched Michelle Obama’s speech at Shanksville, PA on 9-11 in my room at the Dupont Hotel in Wilmington Delaware and it was heartfelt and wonderful. Unlike Doc, I like her … a lot. It is a damn shame her husband is turning out to be a Presidential bust.

The Gryphon Book Fair this Sunday ... Mr. and Mrs. Knucks will be there with some much more successful authors; we’ll be representing the Lions-Bills faction of the writing world.

On a very sad note, David Thompson, the owner of Murder by the Book in Houston, Texas and publisher of Busted Flush Press died suddenly on September 13. David was truly one of the most generous people in the business and a terrific promoter. I can’t tell you how good he made us feel when we visited his store with Mafiya a few years back. I’ve established lifelong friendships through his venues. The publishing world took a big hit with his loss. David was one of the truly great guys in the business. Our prayers go out to his wife, McKenna and all their friends and family.


Monday, September 13, 2010

The Wedding ...


And here they are for the first (foist) time as Mr. and Mrs. Charles (not Charlie) Stella ...

Mr. and Mrs. Stella dancing to their song (I’m Yours):

The best man speech background: this is required reading, amici. A few of the things I left out of the brief bio of my son Charles the other day ... he is a neat freak of the first order (obsessively so) ... the wedding gift bag at the hotel had a small bottle of hand cleanser in it ... he used toothpicks to eat snacks so as not to get his fingers dirty ... he alphabetizes EVERYTHING (he once dog sat for us and when we came home, our DVDs were in Alpha order -- we couldn’t find anything) ... he and his brother had some epic basketball games in front of our house on Long Island (you could hear them arguing over fouls in Brooklyn), etc.

Some of the Best Man Speech (which we all LOVED):

This was a great time, amici ... and even the drive down to Delaware with Don Corleone (my mommy) was fun (while we're on I-95 South, the Jersey turnpike) Mom says: “Sonny, I have the directions right here. Franny (her sister, Zizi Fran) gave them to me. You take I-95 South to I-95 North.”

“Ma, think about what you just said.”

“Here (she waves the directions at me), stupid ass, you take I-95 South to I-95 North.”

“Look over there, ma. See those cars going the other way? That’s I-95 North. You want me to wait until they merge somewhere and we have a head-on collision or should I just make a U-turn at 80 miles an hour?”

Oy vey ... I had to look over a few times. I was driving my mommy but thinking: Is this Doc in a chubby suit?

Some more pictures from the big night ...

Charles' grandparents made the trip from the far reaches of Long Island and both were in wheel chairs. This was very special for everybody. All three of his remaining grandparents are in their 80’s and have health issues ... but they were all there (and told me they wouldn't have missed it for the world). A huge Bravo to all of them!

Bill & Florence Schreuder, Aunt Linda and the mother of the groom, Theresa ...

Charles and Dustin and their friends from their Starrett City and Port Washington days ...

Charles & Alex (wearing the Moonachie Giants shirt) ... Alex served 16 months in both Iraq & Afghanistan so give it up for him. That's Charles telling the world on Facebook what he's just ordered for breakfast (his brother wasn't kidding) ...

A few more of that special couple ... Leslie and Charles Stella

A pair of meatballs (one much prettier (Nicole) than the other (her dopey father))

The ugly & the beautiful one (Ann Marie) ... those blue eyes were sparkling big time ...

A few of the boys in my room (after we closed the bar) finishing off the Chivas Blue (compliments of the Godmother and her family) ... momma mia, did we drink deep.

Amici: I never busted so many buttons in one night. All three Stella brats had me crying with pride at several points during the night. Those who know me well, know I’m a big mush when it comes to this stuff. Watching these three as adults who’ve done so much more than I ever dreamed so soon was nothing short of humbling. Their entire family (both sides of their family) played huge rolls in the process and although their aunt Del wasn’t there, her long time partner, Aunt Judith was ... and while Momma Stella broke up a few times during the blessing she read before dinner, we all know it was because her daughter (my sister) wasn’t there ... but we’re sure she was watching over all of us. What she did for my kids was huge.

Friends from both my sons’ past (both from Starrett City and Port Washington) were there and what great adults (and dancers) they all turned out to be. Here’s to them, a GREAT group of loyal friends who made the trip to Delaware and were the life of the party. It was wonderful seeing these gals and pals again ... truly wonderful.

Sometimes it does take a village, amici ... and these three (my three) are proof of it. Between the friends they made through the years and the family support that was there at every turn, the Stella brats were always surrounded with love. I kept thinking about a few wisecracks I’d heard over the years about “my kids growing up in Starrett City” ... like I told my wife several times over the weekend ... I guess they did pretty good, those kids from Starrett City ...

Here’s to all of them ... the kids from Brooklyn & Port Washington & Albany and Charles’ friends from graduate school (what nice young adults I met on the bus back to the hotel after the ceremony) and his job at Goldman Sachs and everyone who has played a role in my three kids’ wonderful and always entertaining lives ... the Stella family thanks you all ... big time.

And to my kids ... yous are the bestist ... ever.

—the Phat Dad

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

We heard they’re getting married ... Saturday! DOC says ...


Meet the soon to be married couple ... Charles & Leslie.

Charles (not Charlie) when he was a younger lad ...

The Chuckababe is a true workaholic heading for the finish line in a sprint. He’ll have his MBA in the spring (which he’s done while working full-time as a work flow coordinator at Goldman Sachs) and ... he’s been running marathons (and will be running in the New York City marathon this year) ... he’s even reminded us of his first marathon achievement with a tattoo on his leg (oy vey) ... Charles (not Charlie) was Felix to his brother (and Dad’s) Oscar when they lived with me in Port Washington and always the contrarian, he’s a Skankie fan (for which we gave him a pass ... this week) and Charles was a huge Reggie Miller fan (and that team from Indiana), but he does love our beloved New York State Buffalo Bills ... the one gene that took, I guess.

Marathon man ...

WNBA Star, Diana Taurasi, hanging with the Chuckababe at his Bachelor Party Part II (The Wolfpack takes Manhattan) pic...

We’re very excited for the boyo. His brother, the equally handsome and talented other Stella boyo (these two are world class ball-breakers) will be giving the best man speech Saturday evening and we’re all looking forward to it. That's the brothers Stella and their babes below ...

Charles’ bride to be is the lovely Leslie Sharpe of Delaware (where the wedding will be held this Saturday, September 11, 2010). They already have one child, the feisty Lola (my granddaughter).

Ann Marie will be taking Amtrak immediately after her clinical Saturday at Bellevue Hospital. I’ll be driving Moma Stella (Don Corleone/Nanny) Friday morning (and will no doubt need tranquilizers the entire trip). Mom once came to North Dakota to see her sonny boy play in his first two games as a sophomore. One of the games was a road trip to Mayville, North Dakota and Mom gave my friend fits the entire way insisting the bus carrying the football team (they were following in my car) was going the wrong way. She was in her late 40’s early 50’s back then. Now she’s 80, has no peripheral vision, has never been to Delaware in her life and I’ll lay 50:1 she knows the way to the hotel better'n mapquest ...

But she’s my mommy and is very excited to see her second grandchild get married. That’s two down and one to go ... Saturday Charles steps up to the plate and Dustin, my boy, you're on deck ...

It is a beautiful thing, amici and we all can’t wait!

—The Proud Poppa

And the DOC says ...

Hey Chaz,

First of all, I want to wish the newlyweds a lifetime of happiness. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Charles. He frequently has complimented some of my vicious yet profoundly insightful articles and I know that annoys the crap out of you. Congratulations to the lovely couple.

Now, let’s proceed with the obligatory political content.

Any of you who have complained that the Bamster has not created a single job are about to be proved wrong. He has just appointed an Asian Carp Czar. I kid you not. For those unfamiliar, the Asian carp is a non-native fish recently introduced to the United States. It is a rapid breeder with a voracious appetite and quickly depletes the natural resources of an area. The Bamster wants these fish eradicated. Obviously, he has realized that fish don’t vote or he would instead be ramming through his landmark Asian Carp Amnesty Bill. It’s likely the current regime has little understanding of the Asian Carp. The Asian carp is a top-feeder.

The Carp Czar (be careful of spelling) position also comes with an $80 million budget. He’ll no doubt be hiring every high priced scientist in D.C. and Al Gore’s flunkies when what we need are 100,000 unemployed fishermen with poles and nets. The Environment Protection Agency has a budget of $10 Billion, but there seems to be no available funds to deal with these fish.

Obama recently said, “They talk about me like I’m a dog.”

No, Fredo, we talk about you like you are an egotistical, overeducated boob. We like dogs.

Have a great time at the wedding.

Friday, September 3, 2010

DOC says ...


There's no keeping him shackled any longer ... the DOC has his own column. Yous will no longer need to scroll down to his charm filled responses to my posts. Here he is, addressing me ... again:

Le Doc:

Let me see if I got this straight, Chaz.

You are now this born-again disciple of the brotherhood of man while I remain a rabid, junkyard dog pissing on everything in sight. Is that about right? On the bright side, we’ve seen this shift to benevolence before and it has the lifespan of a Britney Spears marriage.

The Bamster has given his speech declaring that the war is over in Iraq. Notice there was no mention of “victory”, but in his speeches there never is. Our only presence at this time is 50,000 advisors. Maybe I’m a trifle jaded, but doesn’t 50,000 seem like a shitload of advisors? I might want 50,000 advisors if I were overseeing, oh, I don’t know… maybe the galaxy. Let’s face it, more than half the country wears sandals. You could cripple their industrial complex with a C130 cargo plane loaded with thumbtacks.

By the same measure, I would imagine that when we declare the war in Afghanistan to be over (no mention of victory there either) we will leave another 50,000 advisors behind. All this for a patch of rocks that has, if you exclude the annual crop of poppies, a gross national product equivalent to the average, NYC, hot dog cart.

More angst for the Chazmeister: As soon as Lindsay Lohan flies free of the slammer, Paris Hilton gets busted for cocaine. Fear not, she said the cocaine was not hers. I’m sure the authorities never heard that one before.

The 2 pictures I sent you last Saturday, were picked up by the Drudge Report on Monday. The one with Putin, the soon to be leader of the Kremlin, shooting at whales with a freaking crossbow.

And our imperial leader,

looking like a stunt double in Peewees Big Adventure. Complete with girl’s bike and a helmet that he borrowed from Betty White.

After a grueling 4 days on the job the Bamster is off to Camp David for some well-deserved R&R. The Knucksline accounting staff puts in more hours per week than this muppet.

The State Department has dropped a dime on Arizona to the U.N. Human Rights Commission. AZ’s Immigration Law will now be judged by the fair and balanced team from Red China, Cuba, Russia, Saudi Arabia and Libya. Nice going, Hillary. I would calculate that these champions of human rights will be appalled that we would treat illegal immigrants as if they had broken some law.

So, you’re still pushing that third party agenda? That way, when your Steam Engine Party candidate loses you can blame me for all the ills of the country. Not to worry, mate, I’m getting used to it.

Last weekend, Glenn Beck held his rally with an estimated 300,000 participants or as the mainstream media reported it: “Well over 87 people in the predominately white crowd”

If they want to play like that, that’s fine, but they have to be consistent.

How about: “Today Obama signed the bill passed by the predominately white senate to bail out the predominately white banking industry.”


“The predominately white staff of MSNBC reports that Obama was entertained by Paul McCartney, front man for the exclusively white, rock band, the Beatles.”

Have a great Labor Day weekend

Thursday, September 2, 2010

An apology for Sam:


Okay, okay, I kind of lost my bearings today over on that dopey Facebook thing ... I didn’t catch myself doing something I’ve been critical of at other political blogs. To wit, name calling. No more Fredo from me when referring to President Obama. DOC coined the term and he gets to use it. No more President Clueless either (from me). My bad. Hopefully the apology is accepted.

My beef with liberal democrats is simple: I don’t see the difference between being ignored and losing an election. I understand the pubic hair to the left the Democratic Party sometimes moves is worth the wait for some people. I think it’s foolish to reward a party that says one thing and does an about face on it as soon as they FINALLY have the power to get something done.

For those of you who remember, TK (much to DOC’s chagrin) supported Obama in the 2008 presidential election. Mrs. Knucks, a lifelong Democrat, felt very enthusiastic going in. I had reservations, but didn’t think he’d be this much a bust. He is.

Don’t get too excited, TK (before it was TK) supported George Bush in back-to-back elections (a scar Knucks will have to wear in shame forever). A lifelong Democrat until I went legit, I was fed up with the Democratic Party for all their talk and the very little they achieved in my lifetime. My brief tryst with the Republicans was a lesson learned. I have no use for either party anymore and not enough years left to make believe there is a difference.

I encourage people to vote outside the two party system. It is a rigged deck. We all seem to know it, yet too many of us reward it. The Republican Party does its best to hide its support of big business behind a fugazy veil of patriotism (and is willing to start absurd wars over it). The Democratic Party does its best to hide its incestual relationship with big business with talk, talk and more talk about being the party of the people, yet it follows lockstop (and on steroids) the predecessor administration’s support of big business (and LEST WE FORGET its Senate voted 29-21 to go to war with Iraq).

President Obama, before he became anything “elected”, grabbed his first political position via lawyers (by disqualifying black American incumbents over signatures). Not something I tend to admire, a win by technical default. My beef with him should be more with his party, except it isn’t. This guy had the charisma and the political capital to truly “change” things. He didn’t. He’s basked in his own glory (Nobel Peace Prize, et al) and threw (and continues to throw) White House parties and take expensive vacations and prove himself more an opportunist than a leader. What he displayed instead of leadership, while Americans built tent cities, was an absolute disregard for what we all were going through (and still are). His inability to realize the people on the other side of the aisle weren’t going to make nice was astounding. Obama cut into their piece of the big business pie. They weren’t happy, except then he quickly rewarded big business with mega billion bailouts, following the lead of GW and by appointing former Wall Streeters to run the show.

My beef with him is how he let down the American worker across the board. He allowed the biggest scam in the history of this country (making Bernie Madoff look like a rank amateur) to take place and he’s done nothing since to rescind any of it. I harp on what those bailouts meant to the American worker because they undid what workers struggled for decades to achieve. We now turn on each other (because civil servants can retire at age 40 on $70K a year, our dander gets up ... but have we forgotten how CEO’s who BANKRUPTED the economy (and our 401K’s) rewarded themselves with RECORD multi-million dollar bonuses for their retirement (except they didn't have to retire, did they?) ... and all with our money.

But Sam is right. I shouldn’t call Obama names. That’s DOC’s job. What I won’t do is reward him (or his fugazy party) for doing NOTHING for me and mine aside from taking from our pockets to give to his friends at Goldman Sachs (the same friends he was so anxious {after giving away the store}, to “reform”--even though those “reforms” were humble at best and came 2 years post-scam).

I don’t believe a third party can NEVER win the presidency. Like most anarchists, I believe that when things get bad enough, people will respond. But no, I don’t believe the tea party is real. I think it is an excuse to vote Republican. Likewise, socialists who go on television to blame Republicans are kidding who exactly? They’re an excuse to vote Democrat.

Marx had religion to blame as an opiate of the masses. We have technology; too many of us are somewhat brain dead from it. The rest of us are too busy trying to survive. Sooner or later, if things get bad enough, people will do what they have to. It may even get ugly.

A recent Time cover said it all: Home ownership is no longer an investment. Great, I wish somebody would’ve told me that three years ago ... before I worked (legitimately) 7 days a week so the government could take an extra $26K from us in taxes (while my wife worked full time and attended nursing school full time {because they haven’t figured out how to outsource that yet}). We feel we were doing everything right and were shafted for our efforts.

It is appalling what this government (both sides) did with those bailouts. For those who feel comfortable rewarding them for it, well, Sam is right, there’s nothing to debate.

For those who are truly fed up, we vote anything but Republican or Democrat. And, yes, our reasoning is straightforward (like it or not): When we don’t win, what’s the difference?