Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Monday, January 11, 2010

Obama to the rescue … Some Football … and the DOC says ...


Obama to the rescue ... just when you thought there were tough times in America, that the unemployment rate was holding fast at 10% and those running out of extended benefits might be eating in soup kitchens, President Obama’s influx of cash (our cash) to Wall Street saves the day! From the New York Times (although they did their best to disguise what this is really about): The move would be the latest in a series of initiatives by Goldman to soften criticism over the size of its bonuses, which are expected to be among the largest on Wall Street, bringing average pay to about $595,000 for each employee — with far higher amounts for top performers. And while some might try to claim it is because Goldman Sachs was able to pay back its TARP loan, remember that the only reason it was able to do that is because AIG paid them back with money we gave AIG.

A nice deal if you can get it.

I don’t know about yous, amici, but it does my heart GREAT to know we’re doing so well (yous and me), we can afford to subsidize the very same people who took us into this financial “ditch” with the biggest bonuses in Wall Street history!

And we (and Goldman Sachs) owe it all to our President, Barrack Obama.

Thanks, pal.

Now, fair warning to my dear friend DOC … should he ever complain about President Obama being a socialist again, I may have to take gun lessons from the Jenmeister and shoot DOC myself (although being a fantasy connected dinosaur, I’d prefer to bludgeon him with a Louisville Slugger). Socialists don’t provide corporate welfare at the citizens expense. Socialists don’t permit people to go jobless, without insurance and then homeless in order for Wall Street to award itself with record bonuses. Right now, Obama is a better friend to Wall Street than any Republican in the history of the Republic.

Change we can believe in?

Yes we can?

This focking clown (Obama) is the biggest bust since Brian (The Boz) Bosworth!

But don't take our word for it. Even Maureen Dowd is fed up with him ... again.

Get a room!

National Kraft League ... finally, amici, the National Kraft League was put to rest yesterday as Knucks' AFC pick for the Super Bowl this year (go back to my preseason post), the Wes Cravens routed the New England Cheaterfaces on their home field before their stunned (until they ran for the exists at the start of the 4th quarter) fans. The biggest group of whiners in the league (players that jump up looking for flags after each and every play because they can’t imagine not getting the call) are out of it … dead and gone. Coach cheaterface was bested by the same team that had been robbed earlier in the season by two phantom “roughing Saint Brady” penalties in the Cheaterface “win” at the start of the season.

Good riddance ... what a bunch of whiners.

Cowgirls look super ... much to my ulcered angst, the Girls of Texas look about ready to explode into the Super Bowl (where they will no doubt be trashed by the much superior AFC conference). In a doomed by dome playoff match-up, the Vikings of Minnesota (where record low temperatures would have essentially guaranteed them a win) will no doubt suffer their inactivity against the Texas Two Steppers. The last time the Vikings made it to the dance (4 times in all), there was no dome in Minnesota and home field advantage was HUGE. Since the morons who gave home field advantage away by building a couple of domes, the Vikings haven’t been back to try again. Well, they won’t make it this year either.

And how ‘bout those Y-E-T-S, Yets, Yets, Yets!

It was no contest in Cincinnati where the Bengalis and Carson (man, is he overrated) Palmer stunk up the field against a rookie QB and his rookie head coach. Go Yets!

The Eaglettes … Knucks' almost “other” Super Bowl pic turned out to be the biggest pretenders of all. I’ll bet the owner there is just jumping with joy at extending Andy Reid’s contract.

Cards-Packerless … what a joke. No defense, no comment. Some might think that crap was exciting, but dinosaurs have no use for two-hand touch contests posing as football games.

Buffalo to La-La-Land? ... East Coast Don at Men Reading Books tipped me off to this possibility … but the ugly Knuckster has an answer to the question all a’yous are no doubt losing sleep over. Who does he root for once his beloved New York State Buffalo Bills go the way of Toronto or Los Angeles? Well, if they go to either location, yous can have them.

I moved to New Jersey as of 2009 … so by default, it’ll be the Y-E-T-S, Yets, Yets, Yets who will once again become (with Knucks approval), the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets!

And yes, it will require the Bills logo tattoo be removed from my arm … if I have to do it with a rusty nail.

And finally, also from East Coast Don:

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.


And the DOC says ...

Shoot Doc?

"I’d prefer to bludgeon him with a Louisville Slugger"?

Nice talk, Chaz. Let's see if the old lovable Docster is willing to venture fearlessly across the frozen wasteland for your next Christmas gala.

These bonuses are still pimples on your butt, aren't they? The whole deal was mismanaged from the beginning. The Bamster may have gone to Harvard Law, but he should have taken that summer internship at the Sicilian School of Business: I lend you $1 Billion, yous pay me back $1.3 Billion and I am now a partner in your business. At the end of the year yous give me 25% of the profits. What yous do with your share of the profits I don't care, because I get paid first.

See! No muss, no fuss, no Louisville Sluggers. Seriously though, what did you expect? All the bamster's financial guys are Goldman Sachs alumni.

I see Knucksline is once again fearlessly ignoring the Harry Reid news of the day. You probably didn't hear of it because MSNBC is saving it for their special "Big Stories We Just Didn't Feel Like Talking About Show". It should come on just after the "Acorn Supports Underage Prostitution" segment and before the "Fredo is Filling His Cabinet With Maoists" story.

I don't think the "light-skinned Negro" part is so bad, but that second part says Fredo is the biggest phony on the planet. "He doesn't have a Negro dialect if he doesn't want to" ... So that means when he's down in Alabama hustling for some votes and he turns on that hush puppies and cornbread patois, he's just talking down to the shit-kicking homeboys y'all.

And Hillary must be so pleased with Bill's comments. I bet she was out in the garage looking for the Louisville Slugger. It's always special when your husband totally embarrasses you in front of your boss.

Hey Chaz, that gives me an idea. Maybe we could have another footnote to the blog today. We'll call it: "And The Principessa says". Gotta be some relevant stories there!

In the end though, Chaz, it's not the Socialists and the Capitalists nor the Dimocrats and the Repubicans. It's the Elitists and the Schlubs. Now you definitely and me quite possibly are Schlubs. But if you look at the Tea Parties and the Town Hall meetings, the Schlubs are getting angry and better yet, they're getting vocal. Give them one more Crotch Bomber or one more Bailout and providing "American Idol" isn't on that night, we might have the beginning of Revenge of the Schlubs.

At least I hope so.

Your pal,