Amici:
The Godmother said Doc was gonna go wild with my last post ... and here he is, le doc:
Hey Chaz,
So, Knucksline is lauding Lady Gaga. It can’t be long before we start seeing the photos of Keith Olberman slow dancing with Sarah Palin, as the snow clouds gather steadily over hell. This new found respect wouldn’t have anything to do with the Gaga wearing a “meat” dress to the MTV awards ceremony, would it? You have always had a weakness for women wearing food.
Sorry to hear about the demise of your vehicle and just when you had it broken in nicely. While you’re shopping for your new ride you should take a look at the luxury models. You know… the type where you can open all the doors from the inside.
Cynthia, if you decide to take the Knuckster up on his lunch invitation I can offer you a few tips.
- Do not wear anything flammable. When he chooses to use them, sparks actually do fly off of his eating utensils.
- Eat fast. If the Chazmeister finishes before you, he will shoot glances at your plate the way wolves look at yorkies.
- Do not go with him to Irish taverns. He will wear out his welcome before you’ve taken your coat off.
- Enjoy!
Hickory, Dickory, Doc
Last week there was an article in the paper. It ran its 48 hour cycle on the Drudge Report and I haven’t heard about it since. To me this was the “stand up on the bullet train and pull the emergency brake” moment for the whole Jobs Recovery Package, but it was pushed off the front page to cover Lindsay Lohan’s latest screwups.
It seems President Obama gave $111 MILLION DOLLARS to Los Angeles to create jobs. With that money, L.A. created (or saved) 55 jobs. Using extremely government-friendly rounding, that comes to $2 MILLION per job. This would have been an ideal opportunity for Obama to analyze exactly why the Stimulus Package is not stimulating. I would like to see Obama pull Air Force 1 into LAX with a pad full of pink slips and interview every damned bureaucrat who touched that money. We could put it on CSPAN. God knows they owe him a ton of time he never used explaining the health care plan. We need to get to the bottom of this. Did L.A. build a $110 Million golf course with 55 undocumented groundskeepers making $18,000 per year?
Let’s get realistic here. If you gave $111,000,000 to Ron Popeil he would have turned that into a Fortune 500 company employing 30,000 people. Hell, if you gave it to that freaking, annoying Sham-Wow guy, he could create at least 500 jobs.
Better yet, give the money to me and I’ll create jobs up the wazoo…
3 Ferrari mechanics, 25 yacht builders, 6 Swedish masseuses, 2 gunsmiths, 15 barmaids, 4 serving wenches and a 3rd shift at the Coors brewery. I would probably have to add a Lexus full of divorce lawyers to the mix, but hey, sometimes patriotism requires sacrifice. I might even hire a portly, crime novelist to chronicle the whole event. I can assure you that I won’t remember much of it.
Have a great week old pal of mine
Doc
The Godmother said Doc was gonna go wild with my last post ... and here he is, le doc:
Hey Chaz,
So, Knucksline is lauding Lady Gaga. It can’t be long before we start seeing the photos of Keith Olberman slow dancing with Sarah Palin, as the snow clouds gather steadily over hell. This new found respect wouldn’t have anything to do with the Gaga wearing a “meat” dress to the MTV awards ceremony, would it? You have always had a weakness for women wearing food.
Sorry to hear about the demise of your vehicle and just when you had it broken in nicely. While you’re shopping for your new ride you should take a look at the luxury models. You know… the type where you can open all the doors from the inside.
Cynthia, if you decide to take the Knuckster up on his lunch invitation I can offer you a few tips.
- Do not wear anything flammable. When he chooses to use them, sparks actually do fly off of his eating utensils.
- Eat fast. If the Chazmeister finishes before you, he will shoot glances at your plate the way wolves look at yorkies.
- Do not go with him to Irish taverns. He will wear out his welcome before you’ve taken your coat off.
- Enjoy!
Hickory, Dickory, Doc
Last week there was an article in the paper. It ran its 48 hour cycle on the Drudge Report and I haven’t heard about it since. To me this was the “stand up on the bullet train and pull the emergency brake” moment for the whole Jobs Recovery Package, but it was pushed off the front page to cover Lindsay Lohan’s latest screwups.
It seems President Obama gave $111 MILLION DOLLARS to Los Angeles to create jobs. With that money, L.A. created (or saved) 55 jobs. Using extremely government-friendly rounding, that comes to $2 MILLION per job. This would have been an ideal opportunity for Obama to analyze exactly why the Stimulus Package is not stimulating. I would like to see Obama pull Air Force 1 into LAX with a pad full of pink slips and interview every damned bureaucrat who touched that money. We could put it on CSPAN. God knows they owe him a ton of time he never used explaining the health care plan. We need to get to the bottom of this. Did L.A. build a $110 Million golf course with 55 undocumented groundskeepers making $18,000 per year?
Let’s get realistic here. If you gave $111,000,000 to Ron Popeil he would have turned that into a Fortune 500 company employing 30,000 people. Hell, if you gave it to that freaking, annoying Sham-Wow guy, he could create at least 500 jobs.
Better yet, give the money to me and I’ll create jobs up the wazoo…
3 Ferrari mechanics, 25 yacht builders, 6 Swedish masseuses, 2 gunsmiths, 15 barmaids, 4 serving wenches and a 3rd shift at the Coors brewery. I would probably have to add a Lexus full of divorce lawyers to the mix, but hey, sometimes patriotism requires sacrifice. I might even hire a portly, crime novelist to chronicle the whole event. I can assure you that I won’t remember much of it.
Have a great week old pal of mine
Doc
