Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Monday, May 24, 2010

Book Chase ... Killer Raccoon(s) … Flower DOC … Change this ... a Treme blunder … DOC says ...


Book Chase ... gave us some more good news about Johnny Porno ... it was another very nice review and it is much appreciated. It does a fat guy on a diet good to get some good news besides the scale continues to slowly move in the right direction. Thanks to Sam Sattler for this ... a very kind rap-up: “Charlie Stella has filled Johnny Porno with a wide variety of characters. There are mob enforcers, hit men, crooked cops, good cops, vindictive ex-wives, fragile FBI men, drug addicts, police informants, wannabe porn stars (and those who live like porn stars already), good girls, con men, good guys, cute kids, loyal mothers – and Johnny Porno, a man who hates the nickname he is stuck with and just wants a little respect for his efforts to do right by his son. This is a gritty, complicated story and it is not for the faint-of-heart or the easily offended. If books were rated in the manner of Hollywood movies, Johnny Porno would have earned at least an “R” rating for itself. But if you enjoy Soprano-style fiction, you will not want to miss this one.”

As the Chicago Sun-Times put it, (Stella) “May just be the best crime writer you’ve never read.”

Raccoon Night … we had a deranged Raccoon, who according to my neighbor directly across the street, has managed to catch and eat birds, fish and terrorize all forms of plant life (and then goes strutting down the street “as if he owns it”). Interesting, I thought (after being told how upset some of my neighbors were at OUR RACCOON (because, “after all, it is YOUR garage” one genius said) ... if the thing is giving yous such a hard time, the next time it struts down the street “as if he owns it” ... here's a thought: "Grab it."

Well, to be a nice guy (and it was difficult to go through with this), I hired a Humane Trapper (because, as most of yous know regarding animals of all kinds, including Spartacus, our house mouse), I believe all creatures (except some humans) should never be fucked with and they all (except some humans) deserve to live in peace) … so $250 to remove the Killer Raccoon (who, by the way, my neighbor across the street is POSITIVE is MY RACCOON) … an additional $75 per puppy raccoon … with a cap at $450.00

After the cost of this, I told my neighbor across the street (actually bringing the trapper there to meet them), that whether or not we caught the killer, if another one came back or if we don’t get the murderer of the fish that were in his pond (cough, cough) and nature’s birds, the next trapping escapade will have to be paid for by a neighborly collection … because after this fiasco, that’s it, I hang a sign on the front of my house: RACCOON’S WELCOME – FREE LODGING.

And my wife seriously asks me why I want to move to some remote part of Montana … where, as DOC pointed out, I’d be blamed for housing a GRIZZLY BEAR … but my neighbors would need a bull horn for me to hear their bullshit.

FLASH … UPDATE … the poor Raccoon has been caught in the cage … the $250 thrill is over. I feel terrible … another of God’s creatures gets the shit end of the stick when there are soooooooooooo many people I wouldn’t mind going to work on with a crowbar …

Flower Doc … speaking of his DOCness, the other day, after the boss was finished studying with her colleagues in nursing and we had partook of some brews, the expert rifleman went on for a good forty minutes (I was timing them) yapping with the Principessa about the many different flowers the two of them plant in each of their gardens. I was close to killing myself when DOC explained how he preferred perennials to annuals, but fortunately I remembered the trap in the garage for the Killer Raccoon and I went to look-see if Rocky had met his match yet.

Say What? ... Even the ugly one did a double take at hearing David Axelrod say the Obama administration is having to enforce all the oil drilling regulations that weren’t enforced by past administrations ... of course Chris Matthews was too busy quoting Robert Frost to bother with a follow-up question such as ... "Hey, numb nuts, Axelrod, do you realize you’re going on year two of this administration and not only that, a week before the rig exploded and started spewing oil all over the place, your boss okayed more offshore drilling ... and if that isn’t enough, there’s the next feature to TK ... "

More Change We Can’t Believe In … ah, the offshore oil wells … as someone who was for such drilling before the BP disaster, I can understand the President’s going against the grain and approving off shore drilling just one week before the BP “man made” disaster … of course now that BP proved me and anyone thinking this stuff is safe wrong, I don’t want to hear about it ever again and in fact think we should dismantle the ones still working before they too explode in the middle of the night. Still, it was interesting to note (from the New York Times) … WASHINGTON — In the days since President Obama announced a moratorium on permits for drilling new offshore oil wells and a halt to a controversial type of environmental waiver that was given to the Deepwater Horizon rig, at least seven new permits for various types of drilling and five environmental waivers have been granted, according to records.

The disaster itself (what caused it) is no more Obama’s fault than mother nature’s role in Katrina was Dubbya’s fault … but the sad and grossly inept responses seem pretty much the same (and blame belongs to both Presidents), although now that we’re going on year two of Obama’s Presidency, I can only hope that HBO’s Treme will extend into the DO NOTHING FOR NEW ORLEANS Obama administration. We sure shall see.

Obama a socialist? Please. He left the left behind a long time ago ... and the real shame is, the left is perfectly willing to eat his dust.

Treme blunder … speaking of Treme, last night was the first brief piece of the show I took issue with. The scene when the Big Chief was rousted from his squatting position by an all-white squad of policeman who proceeded to act as if there weren’t dozens of television cameras outside (and as if pulling the curtains would stop those cameras from seeing a badly beaten middle-aged black man leave the apartment building after they’d seen him without marks prior to the rousting). It came off as gratuitous racism for the sake of it and both my wife and I groaned at the scene (especially because in a prior scene with Big Chief, it was a black policeman that was sent in to attempt a negotiation and both parties were polite and professional—why would the police then send in the KKK squad?). If it was just a dramatic decision, it didn't work for us ... but perhaps it worked for others. I started seeing an agenda I guess I'm just tired of ... especially while New Orleans remains just as ignored by this government under this administration as it has been since the storm under the prior administration.

Everybody has an agenda ... but are we really concerned about New Orleans or just blowing smoke for the sake of blowing smoke?


And the DOC says ...

Hey Chaz,

Sorry if I upset you. It’s just that I have a different conversational rapport with the Principessa than you do. Case in point, sometimes I talk to her even if I’m not hungry.

What did you really expect? We have a president who likes to campaign… likes to bow… likes to apologize for America… likes to party… likes to embrace our enemies and screw our allies. Work… not so crazy about that. Remember his “laser-like focus on job creation”?

Also, what is with this monthly “unexpected” rise in unemployment? We’re paying these experts a ton of money, but every month they’re surprised. I like my experts to anticipate trends. If Fredo wanted to be surprised every month he could have hired Lindsay Lohan. At least she’d be fun at the weekly parties.

I knew you were in trouble when “The Trapper” drove up in a nicer car than either of us own and no flashlight. Did you plug up the window where the raccoon entered? Probably not. And I would guess that “Trapper Audi” released the beast around the corner from your house. At this point I would guess Rocky Racoon is back in your garage and wishing that you would stop beating on your freaking DW drums so he could get some freaking sleep.

I honestly think that the media has set back race relations 50 years. When the Bamster was elected I wasn’t thrilled, but I figured OK, an African-American has just bagged the highest position in the land. We can now get rid of Affirmative Action, the NAACP, the United Negro College Fund, Al Sharpton and the Congressional Black Caucus. Could you imagine if we had a Congressional White Caucus?

On a personal note… you’re the President of the United States… wear a tie. Jay Leno wears a tie, he tells jokes for a living.

Well, yeah, unless you try to redistribute his money.

To save money to buy food for my poor undernourished granddaughter I was forced to drop HBO, so I don’t know what you’re talking about except you would feel better if people of color had beat the snot out of this Big Chief fellow. If you would work a little bit harder maybe the Democrats could give me money for HBO.

See here:

Have a great week,