Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Friday, September 18, 2009

Pre-existing beatings … Who Dey Revolution … The Lock of the Week … Calling All Knucklemaniacs …


Pre-existing beatings ... as it turns out, if you’re getting beat by your spouse (or any family member), in eight states Insurance companies can deny you coverage for the injuries sustained during new beatings because it is a pre-existing condition.

I can just hear the retort from the right (DOC): “Well, if those getting pounded on a regular basis had a gun ...”

Oy-vey ...

Who Dey Revolution ... created by dedicated Bengali fans anxious for a Super Bowl ring ... they have their own preamble and manifesto ... they are fans looking to better the product representing their city (anybody in Orchard Park paying attention here?) ... they want owner Mike Brown (son of legendary NFL icon Paul Brown) to hire a general manager (since Mike has done such a lousy job on his own) ... they want things all fans want, but they’re organized and on the march. Bravo, Who Dey Revolution! If you have HBO On Demand, check out the hard knocks from this preseason—it’s the Bengalis and some interesting contract negotiations that wound up flushed down the toilet when the #1 pick showed up weighing more than a Buick and then broke his foot three days into training camp (for which he was already 4 weeks late).

The Lock of the Week ... speaking of Bengalis ... so far we’re 0-1 on this but the future looks bright. The Cincinnati Begalis are playing the Packerless in Green Bay ... lay the points and take the cheese heads 34-10.

Calling All Knucklemaniacs ... the ugly one needs a lift to a power lifting meet (bench only) in Pitman, NJ on October 3 (oy-vey) …

Being a one car family (and one old car at that), and since the old ball and chain uses said Stellamobile to commute to and from her Bellevue psychiatric internship (well, at least she’ll have an excuse {deaf} for not hearing the same voices), the Knuckster is forced to seek transportation elsewhere. I tried the DOC but the expert marksman and killer of animals both humongous and tiny is babysitting Saturday (and for the foreseeable future it appears).

Babysitting? Ha! What a manly thing to do ... and on weekends, no less!

Knucksline viewers take note that my mouse sitting responsibilities were weeknights only.

No ball and chain, no DOC, the stepson’s car goes to work with him ... leaves me at the mercy of the rest of yous (or the train or bus) ... and if that’s not arrogant enough a request, I have to know before I send in my meet application (by Monday the latest). Now, I’ll swing for the gas and/or tolls, and the food going and coming, (yes, there will be lots of food) and any bar bills that might slip in ... and should we wind up in Atlantic City or something, I might pay your way on the wonder wheel (or whatever they call it there) ... and you’ll also get a copy of whatever dopey book I wrote you might like ... or a better book by a better author (I have many such books at home).

Transportation secured ... Brian has stepped up ... and Big Paulie'll be there too.

Check out Big Paulie ... at the U.S. Open.


And the DOC says ...

Hey Chaz,

I thought you were inviting me for a day of frivolity at your weight lifting competition. I didn't realize I was only invited to chauffeur your fat ass all over Jersey. Not that I don't think that it would be fun hanging around with a bunch of fat, sweaty muscleheads whose only claim to fame is picking up and putting down very heavy things. Couldn't they at least bring them somewhere? At least then it would be good training for a career at... oh, I don't know... Home Depot?

And you have the nerve to pick on my baby sitting. This shows our different life paths. I am shaping the future of America and you are picking up very heavy things. No wonder none of your kids will talk to you.

Pre-existing conditions are in my list of the top 1,278 things that piss me off. By the time your fifty, everything is a pre-existing condition. You go to the doctor, he asks, "So, how long have you had arthritis?" You say, "Since yesterday around 3:30."

He knows you're lying. You've been breeding that arthritis all your life (especially if your hobby is picking up very heavy things).

Bingo-bango... pre-existing condition.

The Bengals... my favorite team. You probably think I'm joking. I love those whacky scalawags. Here is a team that personifies the 2nd amendment. The right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. It shall not be infringed when I'm in a night club chugging Courvoisier. It shall not be infringed when I'm driving my Bentley all tooted-up. It shall not be infringed when I'm beating my wife after a bad game. It shall not be infringed when I'm watching dog fights with Mr. Vick. My mofo rights shall not be infringed.

God bless America and the Bengals, the NFL's first and foremost, all-felony football team.

Seriously though, I was only kidding about the weight lifting competition. The next time you go to one of your Roid Rage Rodeos, I'm in. Maybe I'll even cut the sleeves off my shirt, slap on one of my granddaughter's Dora the Explorer tattoos and pick up heavy things with you. To me, nothing says fun like picking up heavy things.

Have a nice weekend, buddy-boy