Dirty Sweet ... Goldmember ... The Meet ... DOC’s fix & a nice review of JP ...

Amici:

Dirty Sweet ... a Canadian crime novel by author John McFetridge that pits a woman very conscious of the fact her window of opportunity is closing quickly. She’s in a financial crunch (a bad economy and money owed) and that enemy of any women leaning on her looks, age, is gaining fast. Roxanne Keyes needs to use what she has before it’s too late. She’s street sharp, still has her looks and isn’t easily sidetracked by normal annoyances such as guilt or concern for others. When she witnesses a hit and recognizes one of the men involved (in this case, the driver—Boris), the anxious tumblers of her mind spin and the possibilities (opportunities in the form of leverage) are irresistible. The tradeoff, helping the police, offer nothing in return. One of the cops isn’t buying Roxanne’s version of what she claims she did and/or didn’t see, but the guy she did see driving the car is a Russian with ties to the mob back in his native home; a guy she almost rented warehouse space to in the past. The shooter was the driver’s father’s best friend (Boris calls him Uncle) and the real deal; a hit man (or any man he needs to be). Then there’s an Internet Porn maven (Vince Fournier) with a shady past who rents space from the real estate agency Roxanne works for and he needs more space for his ever expanding business (more opportunity for an aggressive femme fatale) ... so many men, which one should she choose ... Vince works a deal with Roxanne ... so does Boris ... and then they all work a deal together only its slightly more dangerous than routine business expansion. There are stolen cars being shipped overseas, Canadian biker gangs every bit as ruthless as the Russian mob itself and some terrific writing going on that makes the tale being told a genuine page turner. And there’s music ... lots of musical references back to the 70-80’s that will make every reader feel right at home. And where is home, you ask? Oh, Canada, baby! Toronto, in fact. And you’ll learn a few things about our neighbors up north (the same thieves just waiting to steal my beloved New York State Buffalo Bills, by the way) but you won’t feel uncomfortable or lost because the author’s style is very smooth and his dialogue catching. McFetridge is the second contemporary Canadian crime author I’ve read (that I know of). Sandra Ruttan (The Nolan, Hart & Tain Series) is the other and both do their native home proud. Dirty Sweet is an Elmore Leonard north novel; a fun and thrilling read from the hit you’ll witness at the very beginning to the explosive end.

Check out an interview with John and a review of his latest here (at the New Mystery Reader).

Goldmember … Tuesday night was a tough one for the ugly one. I crossed the Outerbridge three times in less than 20 hours (once to go to work, once to use a substitute gym on Staten Island and once to pick up the Principessa Ann Marie after she was dropped off from Nursing school). I was exhausted from not sleeping much the night before. I lifted like shit and needed one of two things; a large well done Sicilian pie with extra gravy (sauce to you nons), a bottle of Chivas Regal or a funny movie. Alright, that was three things, but I chose the funny movie and a gallon of milk and I was laughing like an idiot throughout the film ... and even when I went to bed I couldn’t stop laughing (which led the Principessa to wake up and say, “You’re an idiot”).

How I know I was laughing like one.

What’s up with the powerlifting meet(s)? Nothing much, really. There’s one on the 27th of March that’s close to home but I’m not sure it’ll be worth the entry fee. I’m lifting like crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap right now and won’t know until this weekend if I can compete in the open.

DOC has been more than just jonesing for a political fight (or is it to insult the ugly one?). The 12-step program is not helping him with these once a week TK’s. Before he goes completely off his right wing gourd (and we have to deal with Knucks being called “sissy boy” again), we’re going to wet his beak with a TK political observation ...

Kucinich’s sellout on the sellout … On March 14, Dennis Kucinich (someone I find agreement with on some social issues) had this to say in the Cleveland Plain Dealer: “Absent a strong public option or legal protection for states that wish to pursue single payer, the bill that the president is proposing is a step in the wrong direction. Even with the few modest improvements in the bill, the insurance companies will still have dozens of loopholes to deny care and continue to find ways to leave Americans with the unpayable bill.”

And then on Wednesday, after getting a nifty ride in Air Force One, Kucinich agreed to vote for what he called a step in the wrong direction.

He’s not the only one on the Democratic Left (what TK feels is the fugazy left) ... Michael Moore joined the chorus as well: “This bill is a joke” but he’s also pushing for it to pass now too. It is a call to arms to defend at all costs (including the left's self interest) the Obama Administration. Now one really does have to wonder if they think of him as The Savior.

My question to the blind faithers supporting the Democratic sellout is this: After all the FACTUAL evidence in just the past few years of how Democratic Party legislators admitted to not having read legislation they voted in favor of (i.e., the war(s), the bailouts, this 2700+ page health care bill, etc.), what makes you think that in this piece of legislation, the same party will have done the necessary due diligence to make sure insurance companies won’t find the loopholes Senator Kucinich stated they’ll still have ... to deny care and continue to find ways to leave Americans with the unpayable bill?”

Well, at least they won’t have Ralph Nader to blame for this one.

No sooner than we finished the above political teaser for his DOCness than he shot off this rant about Haiti … why he should ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS take his meds.

Here now, the DOC:

Hey Chaz,

It seems that our armed forces providing humanitarian aid in Haiti will no longer fly the American flag over their bases. This is to prevent anyone from thinking that we are in Haiti as occupiers. In reality, since New Orleans is being renovated we are in dire need of an area with no standing buildings, no food, no water and a large unemployed populace. There is no one taking credit for this bold move, but really, who does this sound like. I’ll give you a hint, Chaz. Who do you know that bows then apologizes to every foreign national he meets?

When the Army comes to town they are dressed in digital camo and accessorized with M4 carbines, heavy boots and other implements of destruction. Obviously, what Haiti actually hoped for was the New Rochelle Ladies Auxiliary. They come dressed in tasteful print dresses, accessorized with support hose and sensible shoes with matching purses. Our armed forces smell of sweat and Hoppes #9 (that’s gun cleaner, sissy boy). The Ladies Auxiliary smells of Bengay and old lavender.

Oh… almost forgot. The other thing the American Armed Forces arrives with is the American flag. They live for it. They die for it. It flies over their bases and their cemeteries. If you don’t like it… fuck you. We’ll take our football, our flag and turn off the lights on the way out.

On a lighter note and an attempt to smooth things out with the Haitian Amicis, personally I think it would be a good idea to annex Haiti. If there is one thing this nation needs and Haiti can provide it is more voodoo. Aside from that I’m kind of drawing a blank. Couldn’t you just see Nancy Pelosi with some funky Erykah Badu headwrap and a cigar throwing a handful of chicken bones on the podium and declaring, “The spirits have spoken. Obamacare has passed.”

This could also work out well for the Bamster in 2012. You know he wouldn’t dare try that Hope and Change shit again. He needs something catchy, maybe a rap ditty.

Red white and blue.
Tried and true.
Voodoo...
For me and you.
Roll on your back.
Roll on a log.
Took me six months,
To pick out a dog.
Voodoo!
Doobie doobie doo. (apologies to Frank, but it might sway some of the old Eye-talian voters)

Have a good week, buddy-boy
Doc

Some more kind words on Johnny Porno:

“Johnny Porno is exactly that – a hard man chasing the tail that won’t pay for the tears. By first reminding us of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet and then translating its rhetorical question into the vernacular of our romantically challenged times, Stella’s way with words does the near impossible; it finds a way from pornography to romance in the paradox of power and impotence peculiar to all of us: ‘Fuck’s in a name?’” — Len Wanner. Len Wanner was educated at University College Dublin (BA&MA) and the University of Edinburgh where he is working on his Ph.D.

Full review here at our new feature to Temporary Knucksline, a link to a separate blog for reviews only.

Johnny Porno Trailer:



Pre-order Johnny Porno here.


—Knucks

Comments to Knucksline@gmail.com

More kind words on JP ... welcome newbees and the DOC starts it off ... DOC says

Amici:

Some more than kind words for Johnny Porno from the Sheriff himself, Bill Crider, at his place (where there are almost as many blog followers as books Bill has written ... almost). I blurbed it on the right (here) with the other reviews we’ve received so far.

We have some newbees joining us at Temporary Knucksline today. Welcome. One (Michelle) is one of the wonderfully generous people I met in Houston's Murder by the Book when the Principessa and the ugly one visited there with Mafiya. Trust me, amici, I’m a hack having fun at writing, but I’m not near making a living at it and every once in a while word processors/writers like myself get a piece of fan mail that more than makes it all worth the effort. Thanks again, Michelle. You really did make my day.

That same Houston trip, the Professore of 95th Street (a West Point Graduate living and teaching in the great state of Texas made the drive with his lovely wife just to break my shoes the old fashioned 95th Street way. Joe Cerami—see footnote* at bottom for Joe’s resume).

For the newbees: There’s a background to this Temporary Knucksline thing (originally Knucksline) that goes back to my very early word processing and street days. You’ll find a cast of the necessary characters here:

Okay, time to get down to business ... DOC has something to preference this post with (he was really lonely the last few days ... he’s suffering from insulting the ugly one withdrawal).

Hey Chaz,

What a week, huh? We have naked politicians poking each other in the shower. We have Dan Rather proclaiming that “Obama couldn’t sell watermelons with state troopers waving over cars.” on the Chris “Thrill up my leg” Matthews show.

Oh, I forgot. We don’t do politics anymore.

So, what do you have in store for us this week? Maybe a review of “Little Women” and a couple of video clips of some fat chick with a Viking helmet and hand forged lingerie.

You keep this up and you’ll have people begging for your inane football ramblings.

Have a good week, buddy-boy

The Docster


DOC is on the road to Kansas to visit his much brighter, much more pleasant sister ... which means if he left on Wednesday, he’ll make it down to Lambertville, New Jersey around August sometime. Hopefully he’ll make occasional stops (if the beer distributors are close to an Internet cafe) and keep us informed.

Another "I hate Charlie Stella" blog ... this time from Glen Beck! Our terrific bass player, Cliff Radlauer, sent me this today (in honor of DOC)?

All TK has to say about politics these days was summed up by our hero, Bob Herbert of the New York Times in his Tuesday's column. But enough of politics ... here now, why I love the color GREEN.

That's what I'm talking about ...

And here’s something much more interesting and pleasant to look at than even Mr. Herbert or an image of DOC trying to find Kansas. It’s a link to the website of the talented Ms. Horsley. Check out her fiction, poetry and news of her novel, The Anatomy Show. Kate is a UK doll with vast and impressive credentials. And she knows how to doll up a page (see corset above).

And then there’s DOC, who will no doubt find Bermuda long before he comes close to Kansas.

Magic-Bird … This is as good as it gets for any sport. Bird was old (Dick Butkus) school … Magic was style and pizzazz … the rivalry was intense … the ultimate friendship even more so. This was a very revealing look into both superstars and even for those not so into the bucket game, some of the passes these two made are worth a few views alone. This was a fascinating documentary about two great athletes and their individual unyielding work ethic and a great reminder that guys who became famous for uttering phrases like “We talkin’ about practice? Practice? Practice?” will always be flashes in the pan nobody outside of their inner circle will remember even before they’re forced into retirement.

And then there’s this clown... with seven children by six different women in five states and at least five paternity suits in the past two years, new Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie needs cash. The Jets have stepped up, giving Cromartie $500,000 in up-front money (in the form of a bonus) on the final year of a contract that'll pay him $1.7 million in 2010 ... and this is why condoms should be handed out in pre-school, okay?

—Knucks (see footnote below for The Professore of 95th Street)

*Joseph R. Cerami
Senior Lecturer
Bush School of Government and Public Service
Texas A&M University

In August 2001, Joe Cerami joined the Bush School of Government and Public Service, at Texas A&M University. In 2002 he was named the founding Director of the Bush School’s Public Service Leadership Program. During a 30-year military career, Colonel Cerami (U.S. Army, Retired) served in Germany, the Republic of Korea and the U.S. as a Field Artillery officer, operational planner, and strategist. His last assignment was as the Chairman of the Department of National Security and Strategy at the U.S. Army War College, Carlisle Barracks, Pennsylvania, from 1998-2001. He was an assistant professor of political science on the faculty at West Point

Joe has a Bachelor of Science in Engineering, from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, a Master of Arts in Government from the University of Texas at Austin, and a Master in Military Arts and Sciences in Theater Operations from the School of Advanced Military Studies at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas. He is a graduate of the Army War College and was awarded a Certificate from the John F. Kennedy School of Government, Harvard University, Program for Senior Officials in National Security. Joe completed a doctorate in public administration, focusing on the fields of public management, public policy, and political institutions, in the Penn State University’s School of Public Affairs. His dissertation research focused on innovation and leadership. He is co-editor of the U.S. Army War College Guide to Strategy. His latest book project, on The Interagency and Counterinsurgency Warfare, focuses on the problems of intergovernmental operations and political-military policymaking, planning, and leadership for complex security environments.

Joe also served on the facilitation team for the Chief of Staff of the Army’s Strategic Leadership Program for the Army’s emerging top executives. Since arriving at the Bush School, he has helped build a unique leadership program to develop graduate-level, master’s degree students’ knowledge and skills in preparation for careers in public service at the local, state, national and international levels. In May 2003, Joe was awarded the Bush School’s Silver Star Award for his “excellence in teaching and lifelong commitment to public service.”

He’s also one of the best shoe breakers in the history of the sport.

And the DOC says ...

Hey Chaz,

Nice handoff on the news of the week,“If you want news, go to the New York Times. It’s my blog and I’m gonna talk about me.”

It’s nice to hear that Knucksline is getting new readers. Let’s hope that the lovely Ms. Horsley has a good sense of humor. Really, Chaz, when introducing a writer on a blog most hosts would include a snippet of their writing, not a snapshot of their breasts. You’re a classy guy!

Meanwhile, back in Washington, our legislators have come up with a new scheme to ram healthcare down our throats. Behind closed doors, the Dems are looking into the “Slaughter Solution” by which they would deem the bill to have already been passed. This would eliminate all that confrontational, tedious and time consuming voting nonsense. Thereby giving our legislators more time to play wet, naked, tickling games in the congressional shower. You would think that since we spend $100,000 per year for booze on Nancy Pelosi’s jet we could afford to put up shower curtains in the congressional showers.

Or maybe…they…don’t…want…them?

Also, someone should tell Congressman Massa that when you are trying to dispel rumors of homosexuality it is not wise to refer reporters to 10,000 sailors. It just doesn’t sell your case. It reminds me of that creepy feeling I got when Ted “Splash” Kennedy gave that emotional speech about the inhumanity of waterboarding.

Personally, I love this deeming stuff. This morning I deemed that I was 6’2”. Now I have to go out and buy all new pants, thus stimulating the economy. You should try it, Chaz. You could deem that you were anorexic. Then you could deem that you need to bulk up with an extra large pizza and a box of jelly donuts to cleanse your palate. Maybe 11,000,000 unemployed Americans could deem they have a job and go buy a new house. Unemployment crisis solved, housing market fixed. Bada-bing-bada-boom!

Your pal,
Doc

Reviews, No More Politics and Opera ... Meet Update ...DOC says ...

Amici:

The Elegance of the Hedgehog … a French novel by Muriel Barbery (DOC must be upchucking his corn flakes about now) is a fun read that at times frustrated me no end due to my deficient vocabulary (and a handy dictionary); one can spend as many hours researching some of the vocabulary in this novel as reading the story … which revolves around a middle-aged, frumpy, self-taught (autodidact—yeah, I had to look that one up too) determined to maintain the stereotypical image of a concierge (as the wealthy sees her/them). There’s a reason she’s so frightened of being exposed as someone with knowledge outside her “class” and the story is an interesting one, but while Renée (the concierge) impresses us with her broad and deep range of knowledge, the vocabulary (at least for me) was too often off-putting (to quote a particular editor who said that about something I once wrote). The other main character is a precocious 12-year-old girl (Paloma) determined to commit suicide on her 13th birthday. She’s a wonderfully super-smart youngin’ with a sharp as razor tongue who riffs off some great one liners. An elderly Japanese retiree enters the scene (and the building) later in the novel (somebody say deus ex machina) with a genuine love of all things Tolstoy. Upon first meeting our concierge, Mr. Ozu recognizes Renée’s quick one liner, “All happy families are alike” and responds with “every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” There’s more than just a knowledge of the Anna Karenina opening as each has named his/her cat(s) after characters in the Tolstoy classic. From Russia with love or the start of a beautiful, albeit short, relationship? No spoilers except to say I would’ve enjoyed this one much more if a) I wasn’t so vocabulary challenged and/or b) the author hadn’t let the concierge make a few references (to show she’s one of us) that I was at polar opposites with (her choice of popular crime fiction didn’t work for me) … although she did redeem herself somewhat when she quoted from Eminem’s 8 Mile (the movie version of which, like American History X, should be required viewing for every high school student in this country).

Naomi … Jun'ichirō Tanizaki’s novel about obsession (from the girl he’s obsessed with to her obsession with Western culture) … Joji Kawai is the rube/cuckhold/gernude in this story that begins when he (at age 28) spots a 15 year old Eurasian-looking girl at a café. Quickly obsessed with the girl he wants to help, at first by helping raise her and later by marrying her, Joji quickly loses control and is (literally) on his hands and knees (and that happens more than a few times) in subservience to Naomi. You’ll want to slap Joji from time to time, although there are times you feel for the poor SOB (but not many and not for long). A quick, light read that can be as frustrating (in a good way) as it is ironic.

Call It Sleep ... I’m currently in the middle of a few of the suggested readings from the documentary, Stone Reader and the list shared between the filmmaker (Mark Moskowitz and author Dow Mossman). I’ve always had an interest with all things Jewish in culture. I imagine it comes from being brought up in Canarsie, Brooklyn, which was mostly inhabited by Jewish and Italians back in the day. It could also come from my paternal grandfather (the original Carmelo Stella), who did a lot of business with the Jewish community before he went bust holding onto apartment buildings in the South Bronx too long (apartment he eventually donated to Father Louis Gigante (yeah, that Giganti) for tax purposes. Gramps Stella first introduced me to oy gevalt, gelt, putz and other yiddish words/phrases. This one reminds me of Bernard Malamud (one of my favorites) and his novel, The Assistant, although Henry Roth’s novel begins much earlier (1907) and at this point is even more gripping. It has been very difficult to put this one down and we’ll have a more detailed review of a young boy’s struggle with his miserable, paranoid, jealous father and his loving over protective mother when we finish the read. So far it is nothing short of brilliant.

No more Politics … Why, you ask? It’s too frustrating, depressing, boring and pointless to waste any more time and/or energy. So long as both major parties hold the keys to the car, it ain’t going nowhere. Now that Fredo has figured out he could’ve pushed single payer through with 51 votes (fucking DUH), he’s backed off like the absolute clueless wimp he’s turned out to be (what he’s willing to pass as legislation for “the people” is yet another Democratic sellout). So much for Harvard (Fredo) and Yale (Bush). You want change? Let’s try a few graduates from schools where the degrees actually have to be earned by people who actually have had to work at some point in their lives. With Bush we should’ve known better; the moron child gifted a Yale degree because of Dad’s connections, he ruined everything he touched (businesses) and then bankrupted the country and started wars he had no clue how to win or end. Obama/Fredo never worked a day in his life and his voting record in the Illinois State Senate was more prophetic than anyone could’ve imagined. He’s slick on the stump but that’s where it ends; so far he’s been as useless as tits on a bull (although I’m sure he’s making Jimmy Carter feel good about his disastrous 4 years).

Between the never-ending parade of politicians getting caught in corruption scandals (after which some of them are actually re-elected), the bailout of corporate America at the expense of all of us, these fercocta (thanks, Dave Zeltserman for the spelling) wars that make no fucking sense anymore (not that they ever did) and the fact that gays in the year 2010 are still legally second class citizens in a country where “all men are created equal” … there’s no point in anything short of revolution and this country just ain’t there yet (not so long as blind faithers on each side of the aisle jerk themselves off about which side is right, wrong, smart, stupid, corrupt, well-intentioned, etc.). TK, at least for now, says: “It’s time to enjoy what’s left of life before it’s over.”


Largo al Factotum ... Okay, kids, so on that note, let’s have some fun. Leo Nucci remains one of my favorite baritones and here’s one of his signature roles, Figaro from Rossini’s, Il barbiere di Siviglia (the opera which originally hooked me way back in the day). It’s a hilarious opera and highly recommended for all yous rock-n-rollers, rappers and disco Dans. The video below, I’m pretty sure, is from the MET production in New York. I’ve seen this one a few times back in the day and originally saw a very scaled down version of it at John Jay college when they did the “Growing Up With Opera” program (which they still may do) for the yuppie city brats. I was there as the single parent trying to do the right thing. My two sons (maybe 6 & 8 at the time, went promptly to sleep) but the daughter stayed awake and enjoyed it thoroughly. I sure did. I took her to the MET production with Cecila Bartoli singing Rosina a few months later as a birthday gift and we were both hooked.

And here’s Leo ...



Here’s Ceclia with the great Bryn Terfel ... also from that opera featuring that barber.



Hey, since we’re in such a good mood (I can hear DOC now) ... here’s Mr. Terfel singing the most erotic aria in all of opera ... from my third favorite opera, Puccini's Tosca. The evil Scarpia’s Te Deum. “Tosca, mi fai dimenticare Iddio!”



Yeah, baby! That’s what I’m talking about ... Principessa, YOU make me forget God!

Okay, one more ... the GREATEST tenor of all time ... also from Tosca, Pavarotti singing Cavaradossi, E lucevan le stelle.



Powerlifting meet update ... the New Jersey States meet has been rescheduled for July 31-August 1st (oy vey) ... we're looking at an APA Open meet on March 27th meet in Edison, NJ for a try at the open fat guy division (under 341) ... the upside is I get to eat like a gavone until the end of the month.

—Knucks

And the DOC says ...

Okay, Chaz,

So from now on, in the interest of “fun”, Knucksline will deal exclusively with obscure book reviews and opera. Wow, that will be fun! With luck we can get labeled by the FDA as a legitimate cure for insomnia. What happened to cleavage? Last issue we at least had cleavage. I guess that would be too much fun, huh?

Politics can be frustrating, especially when, as you say, there isn’t a spit of difference between the two parties. Keep an eye on the Tea Party. This might be the third party that you have been whining for. At the very least, the two established parties are afraid of them. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

I also have a new response for President Fredo and his health care plan. This dates back to my days as the parent of a headstrong, know-it-all sixteen year old girl. The delivery is all important and the style was later stolen by Clint Eastwood for his Dirty Harry movies. The line must come from a parental, low, growled, near whisper.

“Go ahead, Fredo… pass your bill and you’ll see what happens.”

And when the bloodletting is over on November 3rd, he can join Jimmy Carter and build Outhouses for Humanity. They can reintroduce the Obama Chia pet and there will be no outcry this time. Within a year, he’ll be competing on Dancing with the Stars.

It seems that in April the Bamster will be giving a seminar on entrepreneurship for the Muslim world. Well, that just has to be a standing room only event. Imagine the opportunity to listen to the president of a country with 17% unemployment who has personally never run as much as a lemonade stand giving advice on how to start your own business to people firmly entrenched in the twelfth century who kill their children to preserve their honor.

It’s a two day event, so after the president speaks, Lindsay Lohan will host a seminar on the evils of strong drink. Dick Cheney will give pointers on hunter safety and for the grand finale’, Ann Coulter will perform a dramatic reading of love sonnets she has written for Rahm Emanuel.

With all due credit to Norman Schwarzkopf: “Starting a business without advice from Obama is like going deer hunting without your accordion.”

It’s a beautiful thing
Doc

Dow Mossman ... No Meet ... Speaking of Snow ... Charlie Opera ... DOC says ...

Amici:

Dow Mossman ... a month or so ago we received some very kind words about Johnny Porno from author, Dow Mossman, a close friend of author Ed Gorman (to whom Johnny Porno is dedicated). Being somewhat illiterate about way too much of what has been published over my 53 years, like most people, I knew nothing about Mr. Mossman or his novel prior to Ed’s email. Ed, who is most responsible for my living for another day as a crime writer, is the one who introduced me to the novel and the incredible story behind its resurgence through a documentary. Ed wrote to tell me the good news that Mr. Mossman had read and enjoyed Johnny Porno and also gave me some of the background to Mr. Mossman's The Stones of Summer and their lifelong friendship. I immediately ordered the book and the documentary, but in my excited frenzy had ordered a VHS (the equivalent to an 8-track these days). I eventually had to send the tape back to exchange it for the DVD (which finally came today). The novel itself is a wonderful coming of age story loaded with the rebellion and tragedy we all experience while trying to find ourselves. As was stated in the documentary by a friend of Mr. Mossman’s when answering the question: “Could today’s readers enjoy this novel?”

“What readers will find in The Stones of Summer is eternal.”

I’m still watching the two disc documentary, which has been a wonderful experience and something I absolutely recommend to any book lover and especially any writer. It is calming and inspiring and will provide anyone in the writing game or thinking about the game how unpredictable it all is and how success is much more relative than we can imagine. Professional after professional (including some of the most notable editors and publishers in the history of the business, as well as Mr. Mossman’s agent) discuss why great books like The Stones of Summer (which received great reviews, including a New York Times rave review) sometimes slip through the cracks and disappear. And The Stones of Summer might have disappeared forever if not for the love filmmaker Mark Moskowitz had for the novel; so much so he went about making a wonderful documentary about finding the author behind the great work (which brought about a 300,000 rebirth in sales of the novel).



We’ll review the book in full along with the documentary when we finish rereading it and have some extra time to sit and reflect and absorb the wild ride of Dawes Williams/Dow Mossman (from learning about the raising of greyhounds to the tragedy of losing three friends in a car accident to the wild times in Mexico).

I think some booksellers offer deals on the book and the documentary as a package and that’s one way to go about it. I did what was recommended and bought the book first, read it and am in the process of viewing the documentary ... and the night before what was supposed to be a powerlifting meet, it so calmed my nervous wreck of an ass I forgot I had to get some sleep until one of the officials called to let me know the meet will be rescheduled.

Oh, yeah, that original New York Times book review? Here’s how it starts:

The New York Times Book Review - John Seelye

"The Stones of Summer" cannot possibly be called a promising first novel for the simple reason that it is such a marvelous achievement that it puts forth much more than mere promise. Fulfillment is perhaps the best word, fulfillment at the first stroke, which is so often the sign of superior talent.... Dow Mossman's novel is a whole river of words fed by a torrential imagination.... For me at least, reading "The Stones of Summer" was crossing another Rubicon, discovering a different sensibility, a brave new world of consciousness. "The Stones of Summer" is a holy book, and it burns with a sacred Byzantine fire, a generational fire, moon-fire, stone-fire."

What writer wouldn’t give one of his legs for a review that STARTS like that?

No Meet ... the Jersey States Powerlifting Meet was cancelled this weekend due to the snow storm ... we’ll know Friday of this week when the meet will be rescheduled. All I can say is THANK FUCKING GOD (see why below).

Speaking of snow... there’s nothing quite like having to shovel A LOT OF SNOW two days before a powerlifting meet. Dr. Don Kirdendall suggested I "not forget to warmup before shoveling” and maybe I should’ve. My back was so sore after 50 minutes I could barely stand straight. To help things along, when I finally made it to the back porch, where the snow had managed to reach 16 inches, the wife decided it was a good time to get frisky (or break my shoes); the Principessa stood inside the kitchen with a big smile as she flashed me her cleavage. I could barely breath, never mind get excited (which is probably why she chose to flash me AFTER I shoveled).

That’s what I’m talking about ... but talk is cheap and I was in no condition to do anything but wish I were a much younger man with a lot more gas in the tank.

Charlie Opera ... it took me several tries to get the format correct, but Charlie Opera is now available on Ebooks (all formats) ... Check it out! Cost to read the first half of the book? Nothing, nada, Jack and/or Squat ... and only two fazools ($2.00) for the second half.

I’m currently working on a sequel to the lead character in Charlie Opera (Charlie Pellecchia), but do not have a title yet; Charlie is a few years down the road after his wild and crazy and deadly adventures in Sin City and he’s returned to his native New York. Fed up with those who think themselves above it all, Charlie is fighting the good fight for a couple of women from two different worlds and he’s fighting it the only way he knows how—by throwing caution to the wind. This time a former priest has his back as a lot of pissed off powerful people are looking to take him down.


—Knucks

Preorder Johnny Porno here.

And the DOC says ...

Hey Chazmeister,

This may be a first, but I have a few issues concerning the last Knucksline.

“What write wouldn’t give one of his legs for a review that STARTS like that?”

Perhaps if you actually read what you wrote, you too might get a review that STARTS like that.

The weightlifting tournament was canceled due to the weather?

It stopped snowing 3 days ago! Today was 40 degrees and sunny! You muscleheads are supposed to be macho, tough guy athletes. You cancel your meet because it’s slushy? Maybe you should look into a new sport. You might find more kindred spirits in ice dancing and not to worry, those outfits have a lot of stretch.

Did you see the ObamaCare infomercial this week?

Even MSNBC thought it was too boring and might annoy their 12 viewers.

I was thinking that Knucksline should have a contest. Anybody who can decipher this quote wins $50 or your car.

"I think it requires a little bit of humility to be able to know what the American people think, and I don't, I can't swear I do. I know what I think. I think I know what they think. But I'm not sure what they think." – Joe Biden

Yeah, Chaz, you were right. Sarah Palin is too dumb to be vice president. Thanks to you we end up with Joe “I’ll save money by only putting hair plugs in the front of my head” Biden. Good move on the Bamster’s part though. When you’re not that bright it’s always smart to surround yourself with guys like Joe Biden. So what are we doing this weekend, buddy-boy?

Not to be outdone, Nancy Pelosi says, “A bill can be bipartisan without bipartisan votes.”

Cleavage: Now you’re talking, Chaz. That’s what Knucksline needs. Screw the contest! We got book reviews. We got humor. All we need are big, bouncing BAZOOMS. You and I can go out and buy some red smoking jackets and some pipes and just hang around the mansion all day with silicone-enhanced med school triplets.

Sea World does NASCAR: They say 50% of NASCAR fans go to the races for the car wrecks. Will this be the future for Sea World? After a tiring day at Disney World, folks will head over to Sea World hoping that the serial killer whale will ice another trainer. The corporation already senses a surge in ticket sales and starting in May all trainers will be dressed in baby seal outfits.

WTF: The first half of the book is free, but you have to pay $2 for the second half? Why don’t you make the first 299 pages free, but the last page is $50. Where did you get this brainstorm… the Bernie Madoff School of Literature.

Have a great week, buddy-boy
Doc

Katz's ... Winning the Hearts of Afghanis ... Delusional Grandeur ... Video time ...

Amici:

Katz's … the deli, not the fugazy musical … I used to live close to Katz's (back in my Little Italy days) and often enjoyed way too much Pastrami for any single human ... last year I went with my two sons (one talks to me) and the bill was close to $80.00 ... I haven’t been back since but I do crave it from time to time ... the Principessa Ann Marie and myself once stopped there after a full dinner at The Palm Too for sandwiches and a few franks for the road ... it’s one reason I’m lifting in the super heavyweight division Sunday.

But do yous remember this: Send a Salami to your boy in the Army?

Well, at TK, we say: Send a Johnny Porno to everyone you know-oh ... and a few people you don't know! Make friends with Kool-Aid and Johnny Porno!

Some more kind words about Johnny Porno on the right hand column (what we have so far).

Pre-order Johnny Porno here.

Oops ... U.S. airstrike kills at least 25 civilians in Afghanistan. But fear not, amici, the native Afghanis remaining (those who haven’t been killed yet) will love us for the civilian trials we’re giving the “criminals” here. Still, we probably shouldn’t ask native Afghanis how that "necessary war" is workin' out for them ...

Delusional grandeur … one religiously blind faither described Scott Brown’s voting for the jobs bill (that was scaled down from an original 85 billion to a Republican-like 15 billion) thusly: “How's that upcoming Republican majority workin' for ya?”

Seriously, poking fun at wingnuts because a Republican who just won Ted Kennedy’s seat voted for a Democratic sponsored Jobs bill (only because the Democrats turned themselves into Republicans YET AGAIN and scaled it down by, oh, let’s see … 70 BILLION DOLLARS sound right?), suggests the blind faithers need to bypass the decaf pot in the morning and try the real thing.

And on that note a reminder for the never-ending one note sambas coming from the same blind-faithers: How’s that 2008 Presidential election of Hope and Change thingie workin’ out for ya?

The sad thing is that everything mentioned in that video remains UNCHANGED. Like the video says, President Fredo has accomplished two things thus far: Jack & Squat.


—Knucks

REVIEWS ... DOC says ...

Amici:

The Lost Sister ... When we last left J. McNee (“Steed” a nickname from the old Avengers Show), the bones in one of his hands were nothing more than Rice Krispies, he’d killed a man in self-defense and had come close to killing another and a good friend was left paralyzed for being a good friend. This go he’s reluctantly back on the trail of a missing girl with links to the Scotland underworld badass, David Burns, an evil man for which McNee has nothing but a searing hatred (and with good reason). Russell McLean’s character development of his McNee is what struck me first in this wonderfully told tale of obsession, emotional pain and the cost of wanting to believe in the best of people. McNee is a more fatigued man this round; he’s cursing more, he’s having to restrain himself more and he’s showing the anxiety he’s experiencing at the worst (most dangerous) times. The memory of his lost love continues to haunt him (the accident that killed her he continues to blame himself for) and he’s struggling to do the right thing and never assume the worst in people (although he knows he knows better).

No spoilers here, amici, but this is a very highly recommended read, especially for those respectful of good crisp writing, character development and an ability to tell a tale with spot on dialogue and writing skill.

The Laird of New Jersey was more than pleased with The Lost Sister.

Amy Bloom ... her latest, Where The God Of Love Hangs Out, was recommended to me by someone I trust in all things literary (Svetlana Pironko). I was blown away by the writing in this masterpiece of stories about relationships and the things that sometimes happen between people, their families and friends. A tale of two couples was nothing short of mesmerizing as finally a fat guy (an unhealthy fat guy) gets the woman. But when the woman has to deal with his passing and the loneliness that ensues, it is equally as intriguing as the affair that started it all. Another tale puts stepmother and stepson in the same bed almost immediately after the father/husband passes and how much that one night (that one mistake) costs each of them over time. There’s also the tale of a daughter who has suffered the indignities her father heaped upon her mother, herself and her brother and how she deals with the loss of his wife and later his diminishing mental acuity. There’s a lot of leaning on alcohol and lovers as foils in these stories and they’re all masterfully handled. Another highly recommended read.

Temple Grandin ... the HBO movie starring Claire Danes is very much worth the time to watch. Had someone told me this story, I would never have believed it. An autistic child, who through perseverance and the non-stop efforts of her parents and some key teachers, becomes a legend.

You won’t believe it from here anyway, so either do the research with the links provided or see the HBO movie. Claire Danes is wonderful as Temple Grandin. Temple Grandin is an amazing person and a national gift.


Bill Maher ... TK isn’t a big fan of Maher, but every once in a while we think his gut feelings seep through the bullshit (and he forgets he's doing comedy to a collection of blind faithers who will laugh at anything anti-conservative) and he lets go of a line we particularly enjoy ... his season debut featured this one: “Both parties are the same” ... and then went on to sarcastically (to those on the Democratic left) discuss (albeit briefly) Ralph Nader (“I know he’s a monster and he cost Gore the election, blah, blah, blah) but the point was, maybe it’s high time we reject both major parties and give somebody else a chance. Like TK always says to those on the Democratic left (which we classify as the fugazy left), regarding Nader v. Gore-Bush ... yeah, Bush went to war ... but with way too much Democratic support (including our current Secretary of State--who didn’t bother to read the intelligence report) to believe for a second Iraq and Afghanistan were Ralph Nader’s fault (who, by the way, was against both wars).

Notorious B.I.G. ... once again, TK watched Notorious (the movie) and enjoyed it. So much so, in fact, it’s the ugly one’s new name around Casa Stella ... no, not Notorious ... just BIG ... or maybe HUGE.

Oy-vey ... listen to my rhymes, yo.

Okay, so I don’t understand what he’s saying either ... but he looks good!

Speaking of looking good ... for the guys (some more) and for the ladies, Jon Stewart?



Then there’s this version ...




Next week the New Jersey States Powerlifting Championships ... can the ugly one defend his fat, old man crown? Well, let’s face it, only if no other fat old men show up ...

Where’s the shaving cream for my back when I need it?


—Knucks

Before DOC has his say, Publishers Weekly on Johnny Porno ...

"Set in New York City in 1973, Stella's vibrant seventh crime novel catches the cadence and daily grind of organized crime grunts … Stella tosses an eclectic cast of characters into the mix … admirers of Elmore Leonard and George V. Higgins will be happy." —Publishers Weekly

And the DOC says ...

Yo, Huge,

I think you stepped over the line on this one.
There are things we knuckleheads put in your realm of expertise:

- Literature
- Opera
- Drums
- Power Lifting
- Street finance

On the other hand, there are subjects we would prefer you shy away from:

- Football picks
- Diet tips
- Fashion critiques
- Rap music reviews

Let's face it bro, the only people in the universe who are whiter than you are me, Edward Scissorhands, Johnny Winter and six million Swedes.

Back away, Buddy-Boy.
Doc

The Navigator ... Tiger Porno ... Johnny Porno ... DOC's version of the trip ...

Amici:

It wasn't enough for DOC to give his version of Travels with Charlie (2010) ... he has this to say too:

Hey Chaz,

You must be feeling a certain emptiness since football season is over. Why don't you apply your impeccable sports intuition to the Olympics. I'm sure you'll agree that Saudi Arabia is guaranteed to grab the gold in the bobsled event. Mozambique must be your favorite for the downhill skiing.

By the way, on Monday I only told you those hunting stories to keep you from talking about your freaking drums. I also noticed that after spending four hours in a car with you my IQ dropped 12 points.

Have a good weekend, buddy boy.
Doc

The Navigators … no, not the 1924 comedy with Buster Keaton (although there was plenty of comedy involved in this trip, especially when it looked like we might be heading to Indiana), but the President’s Day road trip down to Lambertville, New Jersey to visit with a dear friend of both the DOC’s and the ugly one, Patrick Lambe (thus, Lambertville). DOC wanted moi to sample driving the truck he calls an SUV for the ride down so he was the navigator going. Let me just say that getting in and out of his “SUV” was no different than getting in and out of my Honda Accord (it was like getting mugged either way).

Now for the trip(s): Going … DOC insisted we sit in front of casa Stella a good ten minutes while he programmed Dave (his GPS) with the correct coordinates to get lost half a dozen times. God knows how much gas we wasted waiting for DOC and Dave to coordinate (good thing he filled up before coming to pick me up). Then we started out and although both of us had printed out directions to Lambertville, Dave took over and quickly had us lost. Rather than take the turnpike both printed sets of directions suggested, Dave (and DOC) took us through side streets and the 56 minute trip took us more like 2 hours. After 40 minutes of driving things actually looked good as we passed a sign that read: Lambertville 26 miles.

Then, forty minutes later, we passed another sign that read Lambertville 24 miles.

Thirty minutes after that we passed one that had us back up to 26 miles.

Oy-vey … eventually, however, we did find Lambertville, New Jersey and we got to spend some quality time with one of our bestist friends, Patrick Lambe. Although I was outnumbered 2:1, Irishmen to Eye-talian, Patrick is a certified tree-hugger who also works for a French company and I figure we (me and the DOC) were even. Patrick is also a fine writer, photographer, telecommunications expert and tap dancer.

The town of Lambertville is actually quite nice and while DOC neglected to take advantage of the half-price Valentine Hearts on sale at the chocolate joint, yours truly bought and delivered the goods (without eating any before turning them over to his Principessa Dolcezza).

And then there was the Happy Hour ... okay, so I was confused and thought it meant two dinners for the price of one. Patrick snuck off and paid the bill before we could get a chance to do the same. Damn, I knew I should've ordered three!

The ride back was considerably shorter, amici, with yours truly navigating. Except for one mishap (a 5 minute delay at best), we were on our way and made it back in less than an hour total. Even with DOC constantly breaking my shoes about the signs that he didn’t understand (Perth Amboy in particular), I just pointed towards Perth Amboy and bada-boom, bada-bing, the trip was a quick success.

Now, how did we put up with each other for what amounted to 3 hours in the cab of a truck (SUV)? Well, on the way home I made believe I was interested in hunting and then DOC proceeded to tell me about all (every single one) of the animals he’s clipped. While he described what a grouse was and how it fell back to earth after he used a bazooka to kill it, I nodded and thought (should I write this down?) ... then when he discussed all the pheasants (or were they peasants) he whacked, I remembered to remember the following facts: if you tuck a pheasant’s head under its wing it will go to sleep.

And I thought, if I only I could do the same ...

Also, you’re not supposed to clip the birds while they’re on the ground ... so they send dogs out to roust them ... so the guys with the cannons standing 11 feet away give them a chance.

And if this doesn’t remind me of DOC ...

Spartacus was soooooooooooooooooo happy he didn't make the trip.

He’s back ... and just in time to autograph that new sex tape featuring him and two bimbos (except they were smart enough to film it) and can probably retire soon enough.

Upon hearing about this, I turned to the wife and said, “Next book.”

Tiger Porno ... It’s 2010 and the mob has folded its tent and everybody is too broke to buy any kind of music. The Change We Believed In turned out to be just another crock of shit ... but when all else failed, Tiger came to the rescue ... #1 of this harem of 15 (by last count) called him at home and Tiger slipped up and left his cell phone in clear sight of his wife ... a few minutes later Tiger was fleeing the house with Wife closing fast (and brandishing a 9 Iron) ...

Hey, why not?



Johnny Porno teaser ...

From the second half of Chapter 1

“Body was dumped there,” Kaprowski said. “Dead at least five weeks, ripe as the day is long and missing both hands. That said, the guy’s wallet with everything in it, minus any money, was in his back pants pocket; driver’s license, Social Security card, a few other forms of identification. Thomas Nicholas DeLuca, a.k.a. Tommy Porno. An associate with Eddie Vento’s crew. Forensics says the body was dumped there within the last week, which makes no sense they held it so long someplace else.”

Levin, working undercover for both Internal Affairs and Kaprowski’s Organized Crime task force, was forty-one years old and a twelve-year veteran. He looked at the construction dumpster and said, “His hands were missing?”

“Chopped off,” Kaprowski said. “Probably soon’s they grabbed him and before they put two behind his ear, the official cause of death.”

“Because of a porn film?”

“Because of the money the dopey bastard stole from the mob over a porn film.”

“How much?”

“God knows. Didn’t have to be much, though. Soon’s this hits the papers it’ll go a long way to keeping the dummies run that film around for the wiseguys honest.”

“The deceased was an example.”

“They whack a guy, leave the body so it’ll be found, it’s the only explanation. The missing hands were obvious enough.”

Levin pointed to the construction container. “Why there?”

“Eddie Vento bought his Cadillac there. Coincidence you think? DeLuca had a no-show construction job with somebody close to Vento. Started off as a head-counter, graduated to collecting and probably couldn’t resist skimming. Early word is he left markers all over the city. Bookies, mostly. A couple card games the boys sanction, probably a few they don’t.”

HOUSTON, they'll have signed copies of Johnny Porno at Murder By the Book in April. The good people at Murder by the book made us feel like a million bucks when we were last there (Mafiya). We got to meet real to life Stella fans who we shared some New York canoli with.

"Mr. Stella is a natural. As soon as I finished Johnny Porno I gave the book to my son so we could both be wiser-guys. Now I'm going to find all his other novels. He's a true master." --Dow Mossman, The Stones of Summer

And if you can't get to Houston or order Johnny Porno through Murder by the book (which you can--just click on their link right here), you can Preorder Johnny Porno here.

"More good words on Johnny Porno ... from the goodfellas at Men Reading Books: "While Stella points to George V. Higgins as inspiration, I see comparisons to a couple of my favorite contemporary authors who I think also excel at dialogue, George Pelacanos and Richard Price. Through Stella, you can practically smell the garlic on the breath of the wiseguys trying to intimidate, strain to hear cops jerking each other around through hot dog stuffed faces, wince at the lunacy of an ex-wife going off the deep end, and nod approvingly when someone does a decent thing for Johnny. Why Stella’s books aren’t flying off the main table at the front door of Barnes/Noble and Borders is, in itself, a crime." —East Coast Don




—Knucks

DOC's version of the trip ...

"Travels With Charley" (1960)

A delightful excursion across America with John Steinbeck and a poodle named Charley.

"Travels With Charlie" (2010)

A nailbiting trip through the abyss filled with misdirection, bitterness and dread. Follow the handsome traveler Doc and his bumbling driver Charlie as they make their heroic journey south. Except of course when Charlie decides to head north every 15 minutes. Watch as Charlie takes a straight highway run and lands our hero in the middle of the biggest mall parking lot on the east coast. See the worry on Doc's ruggedly handsome visage as he wonders if 17 gallons of gas is enough to make the 56 mile drive using eye-talian navigation systems. On the return trip our hero takes the wheel and leaves the navigating to Charlie. When he asks the navigator, "Where is our next turn?"

Charlie replies, "Back there." The resulting u-turn on a 6 lane highway will be a topic of discussion with NJ law enforcement for years to come.

I can't complain though. I have only myself to blame. After all, who is the most famous eye-talian explorer... Christopher Columbus. And what did he do? Well he discovered America. Unfortunately, he thought it was India. Now, in a modern jet, India is a 26 hour flight from America. So how freaking far off course was he? Let’s be kind and round it off to a gazillion miles.

And did he discover America? Not unless we get credit for discovering that mall in the middle of Jersey.

We'll have to do that again soon, Chaz. Maybe on our next trip south we can discover Quebec.

Your pal,
Doc