Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

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Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Meet Joe Rollino … Palin to Fox … Mark McGwire … Harry Reid … The DOC Speaks ...


Meet Joe Rollino … at 103 he’s in better shape than I was at 13 … and he’d still be around today if a van hadn’t run him over on Bay Ridge Parkway and 13th Avenue last week (he was 104 years young). Joe was an original strongman who showed his wears and strutted his stuff at Coney Island back in the day. From the linked article in the Times: He was a teenager when he watched Jack Dempsey knock out Jess Willard in 1919. He later boxed under the name Kid Dundee, became a Coney Island performer, worked as a longshoreman, fought in World War II and had a bit part in “On the Waterfront” that never made the film, not necessarily in that order.

That’s Joe (weighing between 125-150) pulling 475 pounds with his TEETH (about 50 pounds less than my best dead lift ever (using both arms, my back & legs at 220 pounds). How embarrassing (for me) is that/impressive (for Joe)?

Palin to Fox … what’s there to say, amici. She may be hot, but she’s as dumb as any rock you’ll ever come across. Her performance during the 2008 Presidential campaign will remain an ugly stain on Republican credibility for another hundred years (or at least until they can find a replacement who can speak the mother tongue at least somewhat coherently). The fact Fox is embracing this means one of two things (the way Knucksline figures it): 1) This is a deal struck by the GOP and FOX since both know in their hearts she’s nothing but an anchor on any real hopes they’ll have at defeating President Fredo … and 2) She’s figured out she only has one audience and this is the only way to protect herself from speaking to a public that doesn’t adore her every unintelligible attempt at a full sentence.

“We have trade missions back and forth, we do. It’s very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia. As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there, they are right next to our state.”


FOX caught the fish, let FOX eat the fish …

Mark McGwire … well, it’s about time, but I’m buying his fugazy “reasons” for taking steroids about as much as I took Andy Petite’s bullshit. Recovery my ass. That may well have had something to do with both of them doing steroids, but it wasn’t the “only” reason they took them. This is simple math for me. I’m glad the guy ¾’s fessed up, but his statistics along with everybody else admitting to or caught taking steroids should have great big *ASTERISKS* alongside them in any official MLB record books. And enough with shutting out Pete Rose already. He belongs in the hall … certainly more than the juice freaks.

Harry Reid … honestly, who cares about this crap? No shit some Democrats are every bit racist as some Republicans. What I don’t understand is why either party finds any support anywhere outside of the big business they both work their hardest to support.

Besides, isn’t he older than Joe Rollino?

The DOC speaks ... Dear Charles: You know I don't like to bother you during the week when your hard/hardly at work, but something has come up that demands your immediate attention. This Senate race in the Republik of Massachusetts. Now I am aware that Knucksline's policy is to utterly ignore major news items, but I think it is time to jump in front of this. Let's be the first blog to completely ignore this event.

Granted, our basic tenet is to dismiss any elections that don't involve Ralph Nader. And I know this young upstart has not personally killed the Chevrolet Corvair (probably the only interesting car to come out of Detroit in 50 years) as Ralph did.

And I know this young upstart is 75 years younger than Ralph.

And I know this young upstart does not come from a party that has never amassed more than 1,500 votes in it's 25 years of running from office.

And I know this young upstart has claimed that this is not "Ted Kennedy's Seat" but the "People's Seat" (obstreperous green lout).

But beyond ignoring it, let's go one step further. Let's report that there is no dramatic race, with the possibility that a non-Democrat could possibly win, in Massachusetts.

In fact, let's report that Ted Kennedy is not dead and there is no election.

We'll just say that Teddy took a head first dive into a fresh bottle of Johnny Walker Blue and while sleeping he was pronounced dead by a Bush/Cheney appointed doctor. He should be back at his desk by Monday.

Bingo-bango, we can ignore the story and go back to talking about the Buffalo Bills.

Don't thank me, this is why I am your best pal.

Your best pal

The Rocks of the Week … hold onto your McNuggets, sports fans … the ugly one has the EXACT scores of all the playoff games right here, right now:

The Cardinals by way of St. Louis and Arizona will thump the Aints 45-44 in another round of NFC flag football.

The Chargerless of Santo Domingo will defeat the over anxious Y-E-T-S, Yets, Yets, Yets 30-17.

The Cowgirls of Texas will thrash the Favre bean heads of Minnesota 37-17 as Favre beans tosses half a dozen picks.

And finally, Knucks pick for the Super Bowl way back in August of ’09 … the Wes Cravens shock the inactive Coltless 24-23 … DEFENSE, baby … DEEEEEE-FENCE.


And the DOC says ...

Hey Chaz,

Here's a tip in case you ever want to try writing professionally... Never, ever, have your protagonist run over by a van on the Bay Ridge Parkway in the first freaking sentence of your story.

Sarah: Why do you have this scornful reaction to the lovely Sarah? At least give her credit, Russia has never attacked since she's been in Alaska. Putin looks over at the U.S., sees Sarah sitting on her porch with the .338 Winchester Magnum and the bearskin rug and thinks, "Nope, not today."

Could there be some issues with her book sales perhaps? Let's see, I think her first book sold just under a million copies. Now your books...I have 6. Your Mom bought 3. Annie gets hers for free so that doesn't count. You must have sold at least 28 at P.G. Kings, another 30 at the Black Orchid. Okay, so you're way up there too. It must be something else.

Try this exercise with me. Play one of her speeches on Youtube. Don't get all caught up in the rhetoric. Better yet, turn off the sound. Think of her smoking a cigarette, maybe toying with her garters, she notices a run in her dark stockings. She points it out to you with a blood red fingernail and smiles, slightly embarassed. She takes off her glasses and shakes out her hair...

You still with me Chaz? Not so bad, right? Or do you prefer the prissy sentence structure of ... oh, I don't know...Nancy Pelosi?

Mark McGuire: Gimme a break. The record books from 1980 on will have so many asterisks they will look like Star Wars. Why don't they put asterisks on the few athletes who weren't riding the lightning?

Harry Reid: Uh, we covered that yesterday in Knucksline. Next time I'll type slower so you can keep up.

The Doc: That guy cracks me up. Sometimes I read Knucksline just to see what that lovable brigand has to say.

Rock of the Week: Please Chaz, you couldn't pick the winner in a race between Mark McGuire and Joe Rollino (who got run over by a van on the Bay Ridge Parkway) and now you're going to predict exact scores. I have bet on your picks. The family fortune is gone, MasterCard has hired a hit man and I'm reduced to writing editorials on dopey blogs for 25 cents per word. Haven't you done enough damage? Make predictions on things you are more familiar with. For example, why does Sarah Palin name her children like Winnie the Pooh characters or how many different biological threats are living in Lindsay Lohan's lingerie?

Greatest Line of the Week: Dennis Miller on Hillary Clinton: "She's been cheated on more times than a blind man playing scrabble with Gypsies."

Have a good week, Buckeroo

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