“Spranzi!” Grandpa Pete used to yell to wake my mommy up in the mornings for work. Now I call on her Sunday mornings to break her shoes and Dustin breaks them on Thursdays. I and Nicole call her every day and even Charles (not Charlie) makes the occasional visit/call (he’s a very busy man--finishing that MBA, just married, etc.). But Momma Stella finally received her go-cart from Medicaid this past weekend. Hey, it only took them a year of screwing up (while millions are defrauded every day because they have to pay doctor bills within 30 days and God forbid the government agency put some out-of-work Americans to work actually checking-up on same fraud) but stop your whining Knucks, Momma got her electric go cart. And here was our first exchange over that.
Me: “Looks nice. What is it, a coat rack? Why aren’t you using it?”
MS: “What, I’m supposed to sit it in all day now?”
Me: “Well, take it for a spin. Let me see you in action.”
MS: “I chipped all the furniture with it, sonny. I have to get used to it.”
Me: “You’re not going to get used to it sitting in your chair over there. Come on, hop on, let’s see you do a few donuts.”
MS: “Donuts? What the hell are you talking about?”
Me: “Come on, get on the thing and take it for a ride around the apartment. I wanna see.”
MS: “Why don’t you go home now, you pain in the ass? I chipped the furniture yesterday.”
Me: “You’re gonna tell me you’re worried about this furniture? Come on, chip away. I’ll give you five dollars and we’ll get a new dining room set.”
MS: “Never mind. Sit over there and shut up. Be nice or go home.”
Me: “I’m always nice. I’d kiss you but I still have a cold. Is it alright to fart?”
MS: “Eh, whose gonna stop you. Pig.”
Me: “Ma, you think Jesus had one of those? When he got old, I mean.”
MS: (points finger) “Look, you son-of-a-bitch, don’t start with me. I’m sitting here now so leave me alone.”
Me: “I guess you’re right. Jesus could just take the chips out without having to spring for the fiver. When did you get this set anyway, 1929?”
MS: (death stare) “I’m warning you.”
Me: “Take it easy, take it easy." (Pause) "Seriously, 1930 maybe?”
Amexicano ... a low budget indie that I chose from Netflix the other day based on the tag line: A look at the bond between an illegal immigrant and a blue-collar Italian-American from Queens. Being a Brooklyn boy, I make exceptions ... Italian-American was close enough for jazz, so I took a look-see at this one and was very impressed. Understand the creators weren’t working with multi-million dollar budgets, but it’s always the storyline that propels a plot for me and I really liked the honesty in this piece. The fact it brought back Bruno Sammartino (you’ll have to watch it to see) was an extra bonus. When all was said and done, it was the dark open-ending that highlighted this indie. The fellas behind this (Matthew Bonifacio and Carmine Famiglietti are talented dudes and I look forward to seeing the indie about obsessive eating (watch it, Doc) ... titled Lbs.
The Lbs. trailer ...
Come on, amici, support your indie’s ... whether they’re book stores or films.
Johnny Porno at The Raconteur ...
The Raconteur 431 Main Street Metuchen, NJ 08840 (732) 906-0009
Oy vey, I’ll bet yous amici will be happy when Friday comes and you don’t have to read this nonsense anymore ... so here’s the reminder and then it’s on to bigger and better things.
Here’s The Raconteur’s more than kind plug: 8 PM, Thurs. April 7 CHARLIE STELLA (Knucks to yous) Reading/Signing JOHNNY PORNO
With seven crime novels under his belt, Stella has received six starred industry reviews, has made two best-of-year-mystery lists (Publisher’s Weekly & Booklist, 2003 for Charlie Opera), and has been compared favorably to Elmore Leonard on sixteen occasions. His novels are hard-boiled, dialogue driven, and linked by recurring members of the Vignieri crime family. He's written countless short stories for such collections as Hard Boiled Brooklyn, Dublin Noir, and Bloodlines: A Horse Racing Anthology. His most recent book, the bluntly titled Johnny Porno, is set in New York circa '73, the same week a criminal court banned the adult film, Deep Throat. His books have been published here, the UK, Italy and Russia. Stella is also a screen writer, sometime jazz drummer, playwright, semi-pro powerlifter, opera buff, and every bit the raconteur. FREE! Comp wine. Books on sale at the event.
Semi-pro powerlifter? More like a hack and a half, overweight ... okay, obese, way too often injured, half-assed powerlifter ... oy vey.
And here’s the latest review on JP ... way more than kind, it is ...
Sports Fans ... Dee-boo-de-bah is the nickname given to one Dustin William Stella, the youngest Stella brat. A very fine writer, debate maven and super duper shoe-breaker, Dustin will be a new Sports feature here at TK. For one thing, he writes better than me. For another, Doc thinks my football (and all other sports) predictions suck. We hope to have his very first sports article here for our next post.
And here’s my argument about liberals voting for Democrats in a nutshell (compliments of Sam Hawken, The dead Women of Juarez). Liberals, you really want change, you’ll have to inform your party sooner or later and/or quit being lemmings ... this article also reminds me of the drunk who repeated himself (over and over) at the party when all the guys wanted to do was make their way to the cute redhead in the corner ...
And finally, here’s last weeks’ 60 Minutes expose on how thousands were kicked out of their homes based on fraudulent paperwork by the banks ... people out of work were paid $10.00 an hour to defraud homeowners on behalf of the banks (some of those that were bailed out) ... and what is Obama and/or our illustrious government doing about it? Watch the video ... pretty daunting just how corrupt the people we vote for are. Change we can believe in, huh?
And from the Doc ...
Hey Chaz, On Thursday at 3pm I have an interview in NYC.
After receiving my terrible, ego crushing rejection I will return to the Holy Land (Joizy), put on my drinking shoes and complete my personal Hajj to Metuchen.
You better be there you fat fuck. I don't want a repeat of the Forest Hills debacle. You spotted kids in the audience and decided you couldn't read your selected blowjob chapters from your book, so you left.
Let me give you a hint here. Plan on reading from the 4 or 5 pages in your book that don't feature a blowjob. You'll have to search, but they are there.
Obligatory Political Content
So President Obama has withdrawn our warplanes from Libya and turned the whole shebang over to NATO.
Is Fredo the only person in the universe who doesn't know that NATO is the United States?
Especially for Doc ...
—Knucks
