Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Steven Sidor ... Isagenix Day 3 ... Frankenstein ... Eddie Coyle ... Tom Waits ... DOC says ...


Steve Sidor ... Sidor is one of Knucks’ favorite writers and he’s got a short story link on his webpage that is a terrific read. It has to do with a virus, prison and survival. The Bog has some scary stuff going on and a kick-ass frightening ending. I gobble up Steve’s books soon as they are published and finding his short story linked for free was an extra treat. Highly recommended reading, amici.

You can download The Bog from here.

Isagenix Day 3 ... I jump started the program on Thursday and it seems to be working so far. DOC can laugh all he wants, but I’m going to negotiate those beanstalk bean(s) (plural, please) because I’d be a damned fool to pay $8,500 for just one bean. Make it half a dozen and we can start to talk, brother.

This morning I hit the aerobic end of the gym (after light squatting—no, I don’t learn—with a knee brace) and the verdict (after 17:30 minutes on the elliptical and 25 minutes on the treadmill) was: 320. That’s right, DOC ... 320 from 328 = 8 pounds in 3 days.

No pain during the light squats or aerobics and so far none after ... could be another miracle cure (the knee brace) ... go get those magic beans ...

The Talented Ms. Horsley has another post up and this one is about Mary Shelly. The UK Tease has the Frankenstein author wondering whether it’s her hubby or lover’s body that has washed up on the shore ... and she figures it out forensically from body parts (get your minds out of the gutter).

The Friends of Eddie Coyle ... the other day I was out of new books to read so I did what I usually do ... reach back for something I know I’ll always get something from (whether it be inspiration or another writing lesson). Old Faithful with the Elmore Leonard forward was sitting there alongside two other copies without the forward (I have several copies of Eddie Coyle, including an autographed hardcover we paid $85.00 fazools for back in the day). It didn’t disappoint. I read it over two days and couldn’t wait for each new scene. Leonard is right, Eddie Coyle is the best ever crime novel. Hands down it is.

And for the record ... a few years ago I claimed to have read Eddie Coyle at least 50 times ... someone challenged me on that ... it's been 10 times since that challenge (now I'm counting).

And the understated movie is pretty damn good too. Peter Yates directed Robert Mitchum and Peter Boyle and it was and remains the goods.

Heart Attack and Vine ... one of my favorite Tom Waits tunes we used for one of the plays I wrote back in the day (Coffee Wagon). Tom’s gravel voice may make it difficult to discern the lyrics so here yous go:

liar liar with your pants on fire,
white spades hangin' on the telephone wire,
gamblers reevaluate along the dotted line,
you'll never recognize yourself on heartattack and vine.

doctor lawyer beggar man thief,
philly joe remarkable looks on in disbelief,
if you want a taste of madness, you'll have to wait in line,
you'll probably see someone you know on heartattack and vine.

boney's high on china white,
shorty found a punk,
don't you know there ain't no devil,
there's just god when he's drunk,
well this stuff will probably kill you, let's do another line,
what you say you meet me down on heartattack and vine.

see that little jersey girl in the see-through top,
with the peddle pushers sucking on a soda pop,
well i bet she's still a virgin but it's only twenty-five 'til nine,
you can see a million of 'em on heartattack and vine.

better off in iowa against your scrambled eggs,
than crawling down cahuenga on a broken pair of legs,
you'll find your ignorance is blissful every goddamn time,
your're waitin' for the RTD on heartattack and vine.

Have a great weekend, amici ...

Order Johnny Porno here ...


And the DOC says ...

Hey Chaz,

That’s really great. Eight pounds in 3 days. By June 15 you should weigh 100 pounds or less. I’ll be able to throw you in the daypack with a 12 pack and a couple of bagels.

As with all things, my main concern is how this will affect me. The old rumor is that fat people are jolly. I can attest that this is not necessarily true. If it were, a few hours with you would be like a freaking Mardi Gras.

It’s not.

I tend to think of it as a root canal that’s going better than expected. Less weight/Less jolly. Sounds like an Obama program, but without the suave facade of Janet Napolitano.

Will you start regaling the Amicis with humorous anecdotes of encounters you’ve had in the “Medium” aisle at the Speedo Store?

It starts off innocently. Usually the first couple of shakes are free. Then your Isagenix Barrista (pusher) tells you the New Zealand cows have spoken to the Greek cows (who only work 3 months a year) and have gone on strike. Within 6 months you will be paying $300 per shake and stealing car stereos after work.

I don’t usually negotiate on the price of magic beans, but there is no fooling a sharp consumer like yourself. I tried and you saw right through my scam. I will give you six magic beans for the original price of $8,500 with my sincerest apologies for the obvious hoax. Please pay me before you negotiate your next Isagenix contract.

Your still fat pal

PS: To combat Tom Waites (and you thought nobody could understand my guy, John Martyn) I offer the Amicis the greatest voice in Rock & Roll since Roy Orbison… Freddie Mercury