Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Shane Conlan … Saturday Meet ... The Godmother ... From Joke to Toilet Paper … DOC says ...


Shane Conlan … this was one of the best linebackers I can remember and he starred for both Penn State and my beloved New York State Buffalo Bills. I remember two things most about Conlan; his hit on Icky Sticky Woods in a Playoff game against the Bengalis of Cincinnati (when he nailed Icky in the middle of his chest on the goal line and sent him backwards—a great play nullified by some dopey personal foul in the secondary 15 yards from the play itself) and his interception(s) against Vinnie Testiverticles & Miami in the 1987 Fiesta Bowl.

Conlan didn’t miss many tackles; he was human Velcro—once he grabbed someone, they were going down. I was severely disappointed when the dumb as wood Bills organization let him go to the Rams toward the end of his career, but they paid the price for that move (and have been ever since, it seems). Anyway, here’s to one of the best linebackers I ever watched play the game of football the way it was meant to be played.

What got me thinking about Mr. Conlan was a scene I wrote for the sequel to Charlie Opera (no title yet)… Charlie Pellecchia had bought one of the dancers he drives for a Conlan Bill’s jersey and says to her when she answers the door wearing it: “I hope you’re wearing something underneath that thing.”

The ugly one tries to compete against younger men of equal girth (and probably a lot more muscle) … I’m going to lift in the New Jersey Open, an APA meet this Saturday. Cousin Jason (the weight loss coach) will be bringing his girlfriend along for the spectacle known as “a boring as watching grass grow power lifting meet.” It takes place in Edison (of Thomas) fame, New Jersey and it will be the last one for a while … training for the cancelled meet begins again in earnest in June (the meet is End of July-start of August).

Speaking of weight ... DOC’s prediction on the April 1, 2010 Knuckmeter seems to be a lock. If yous remember, I started the weight loss at 331 back in January … DOC guessed 333 … I’m now 333.5. I was supposed to be something like 250.


Blame the wife and her Godzilla portions …

#1 Fan ... she’s in Texas and she enjoys mob fiction/stories and we’re gonna give her (Michelle) a name—The Godmother. I can’t tell yous how much she’s done for the ugly one over the last few days alone, but it’s been huge. While in Tahoe for their spring break (instead of New York, for which she apparently gave her husband some grief), she took these pictures some of yous Godfather fans might remember from the scenes in Tahoe.

Michelle even put up the Johnny Porno book cover and our book trailer on her Facebook page and we can’t thank her enough. We met at Murder by the Book in Houston, Texas. Fan mail means a lot, especially to writers in my league, the little league, where we work full-time jobs (sometimes more than one) to pay for an addiction we can only find gratification from in the form of fans and reviews. Too often what we hear is the following (at work and everywhere else): “You’re a writer, what are you doing here? You’re any good, why you working. How come the Times don't review you?” etc., etc., etc.

Hey, what can we say, Schadenfreude is the food by which self loathing cynics live and breathe. So, Knucks says, thank you to all who send fan mail (or just kind words) to the writers of your choice ... and to those who get their rocks off trying to lift themselves by putting down others, TK says, “Fuck yous and the horses you rode in on.”

Thanks, Michelle. People like you cancel all those others out with a single email.

Health Care ... The Health Care Bill has gone from a joke (to those on the left) …. to the greatest invention since toilet paper. I know, I know, we’re not supposed to go here (politics) anymore … but here’s a quick comment and then we’ll yield the floor to that wild and crazy DOCster.

I’ve heard a few democrats put it this way (Nancy Pelosi being one) [paraphrased]. We’ve spoken for the American people instead of the insurance companies.

And here are some of the facts: The Insurance Companies, neither through competition or anything more than lobbying, have managed to gain 33,000,000 customers without cost controls while the same bill will lock in billions of dollars in monopoly profits for pharmaceutical companies (the same companies who spent millions of dollars pushing for its passage). Litigation that will ultimately trickle down to the middle class in the form of costs, was ignored regarding tort reform. The fact it is being mandated we purchase insurance not only sounds ominous, it turns the idea of cost control on its head. I can see it now: “Sure we’ll cover your pre-existing condition. We have to. It’s the law, but your premium has just gone from $5,000 per year to $25,000. Can’t pay it, no problem, we’ll spread the joy for you. Just take a seat.”

Now, some of yous might wonder, how can a guy who wanted single payer be upset with that last bit about spreading the joy, but the answer is simple: single payer wouldn’t be concerned with profit. As it stands now, insurance companies are (and have to be) concerned with profit. Just like the banks this government gave all our money to almost two years ago aren’t going to be “decent” about lending us back OUR money or lowering interest rates, neither are insurance companies going to be “decent” about our cost of living expenses. And neither is this government going to “oversee” this problem (the way they never bothered to “oversee” Wall Street—nearly two years down the road from the great bailout/sellout), so I have a suggestion what they do with those 2700 pages the next time they run out of toilet paper …

Okay, DOC, the floor is all yours, brother.

No, wait, something tells me DOC needs some love right about now (with all them Dems giving him the business after passing healthcare).

Here now the love.

Hey, that guy’s fatter’n Knucks ...


And the DOC says (Oh, Lord, he's lost it now) ...

Hey Chazman,

Way to go just jumping out in front of that whole Healthcare business! I guess in the next few months we can expect Knucksline to take a hard stance with those pesky Japanese over that Pearl Harbor ruckus.

Did you hear that they forgot to put in the provisions for children with pre-existing conditions? Geezus! They campaign on this for a year and a half and they had no idea what was in (or out) of the bill. They forgot??? People complain that these morons never had a private sector job. They couldn’t hold a private sector job.

Now that the Dems have passed the bill all on their own they are miffed because the Repubicans haven’t spoken out against all the people who are “supposedly” threatening them. The Dems are getting spit on and called the “N” word. Of course there’s no tape of this. I throw my cigarette butt out in the street and 2 hours later there are 4 Youtube videos of it, but at a rally with thousands of people, no one caught these alleged offenses.

Someone even called Barney Frank and I quote “The “F” word that rhymes with maggot”. Knowing Barney Frank’s character, I think they probably called him the “M” word that rhymes with faggot.

Speaking of which, how come it is a hate crime to call Barney Frank a faggot, but it is perfectly okay for the media to call thousands of Americans “Teabaggers”? I mean look at those people. Up until a year ago when that other nancy-boy coined the phrase I’m sure 99% of them had no idea what teabagging meant, but Barney knew.

Thanks for that song dedication. I actually got through a minute and a half of it. I know this for a fact because when my head hit the keyboard it accidentally hit the pause button.

Good luck in your meet on Saturday.

Your pal,