Charlie's Books

Charlie's Books
Buon Giorno, Amici!

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Facebook … The Docster’s World in Review … Crash-Bang! … Jimmy Bench-Press … I’m Melting ... DOC says ...


Facebook … a little more than a year or so ago, someone at work (Stacie) convinced me to join Facebook. It was an exercise in futility as the ugly one was pretty much clueless about what to do once he was there. Frustrated at my ineptitude with all things Facebook, I quickly retired (3 days later). But the Godmother (#1 Fan – Michelle Turlock Isler from Texas) has convinced me to rejoin. While I remain as clueless today about this thing as I was when I first joined and quickly retired, I am back with my own Facebook page (which I still have very little idea how to navigate or what to do with). My son Charles (not Charlie) created a fan page for me (which I also have no idea how to navigate, etc.). There are wedding pictures from the event last year (or was it two years ago—yeah, more than a year ago) from my daughter's wedding. I guess there’s some little info and other stuff on the page and I’ll figure it all out sooner or later (probably later), but the ugly one is back on Facebook (which we’ll call brutta faccia (ugly face)).

Please, please, please ... all you amici, if I don’t get back to you with any speed on Facebook, it’s for one of two reason: I haven’t looked in yet and/or I’m still trying to figure this thing out.

For those of you new to Temporary Knucksline, if you want to receive email bulletins alerting yous to new posts (including DOC's charming responses to my posts), contact me at and I'll add your name to our TK list.

The Talented Ms. Horsely was interviewed by Spinetingler Magazine and had some kind words for Johnny Porno and the ugly one his own bad self.

The DOC … for those new to Temporary Knucksline, DOC is a dear friend and a terrific writer who lives in a heavily fortified compound surrounded by an alligator infested moat. He drives a truck (and a tiny little freaking thing he uses when he gives me a ride). He has a big-ass built in pool, flowers and a wonderful wife, Sahara. What he doesn’t have is much patience for liberals, me and President Obama (whom DOC has nicknamed, President Fredo—as in Fredo of The Godfather fame). Mostly he’s just a big curmudgeon with excellent shooting, rhetorical, debating and drinking skills. He’s the highlight of TK post to post (and, yes, if I don’t mention that every 30 days or so, he’ll throw a hissy fit and storm off to the local bar for a week or two without writing). For a little bit more of a snippet on the DOC, see below.

The Docster’s World in Review

Putin vows to “Drag terrorists from the sewer” .
Obama vows to read terrorists their Miranda rights with a really pissy attitude.

Ricky Martin declares he is a homosexual.
This evening’s forecast predicts increasing darkness.

The Cartoon Network now has more viewers than CNN & MSNBC combined.
Or as I see it: The original Cartoon Network now has more viewers than the other 2 cartoon networks combined.

Chastity Bono has requested the courts to change her name to Chaz Bono.
Chaz Stella has requested the courts to change his name to Dan Brown.

Frank Rich of the NY Times, claims Tea Partiers are afraid of women, blacks and gays.
Tea Partiers claim Frank Rich is afraid of perspiration, spiders and bad haircuts.
Frank Rich has requested the courts to change his name to Liza Minnelli.

Enforcing Obama care will require 16,500 additional IRS agents.
IRS Commissioner Shulman said the IRS "will need resources," but that they will largely be acquired to "serve the American people."
Iran claims they are only building nuclear centrifuges so they can start manufacturing those really cool watches with the hands that glow in the dark.

This week CBS will interview Obama courtside as he plays basketball.
(insert your own Main Stream Media / catching, carrying, dribbling / Obama’s balls comment here)
Doc don’t hit no softballs.

According to Obamacare, offspring up to 26 years of age are considered “children”.
Likewise, middle age will now begin at 73.

Crash-Bang! … early Tuesday morning, while we were sleeping soundly, there was a very loud crash with glass breaking and everything else that will jolt you from your sleep. The ugly one and the boss both jumped out of bed and headed for the stairway. I was guessing break-in and went downstairs but couldn’t see anybody … then I walked into the kitchen and turned on the light and there at my feet was everything that was once inside one of our kitchen cabinets … and some broken dishes … and some soda leaking all over … and then the cabinet itself. WTF, I thought. Somebody from Congress must’ve put this thing up … and hadn’t bothered to read the instructions for it either.

And on that note, so much for gun control. An 82 year old Vietnam Vet was found beaten to death after a push-in in our neighborhood one week ago. Pieces of shit that would do something like that deserve two barrels going off at the same time. Guess what Casa Stella is buying for home entertainment next week?

Jimmy Bench-Press … the kind folks at Men Reading Books posted this the other day.

I’m Melting ... that’s right, amici (and you too DOC), there’s a new Knuckmeter and it starts at 335 with an end date of June 1st (me and Marilyn Monroe’s birthdays) ... I’ll be 54 and 299 on my 54th day on this planet. Now, some of yous may say me dropping 36 pounds is like throwing a deck chair off the Titanic but TK says it’s a start that will end at my son’s wedding on 9-11 at 265. I started Wednesday morning by hitting the gym at 4:10 a.m. where I proceeded to ignore the weights and jump on the eliptical machine, then the treadmill and then the stomach and stretching work ...

And I challenge DOC to a day of aerobics ... we can start with these two videos; some love and some sweat:

— Knucks

And the DOC says ....

After I read Horsely's interview I got inspired.
Now, let's see if she has a sense of humor. I would guess she does.

Oh, Charles,

This is getting scary. I would have an intervention if I could find more than 2 of your friends who were sober and not in jail.

Let’s recap your life based on the last Knucksline:

1) You have a new friend – The ever-lovely, Kate Horsley. Did you happen to read her interview? She’s crazier than you, Chaz. She does Medieval-Leper-Dressup. Her mom shoots at the ever-dwindling stockpile of neighbors with a Walther PPK. That’s an excellent choice of weaponry, but it kind of pisses off the block association.

2) You’re going on a diet. Your last diet resulted in you going from 331 pounds to 333 pounds, which I predicted and have yet to receive my ... prize.

3) You have Richard Simmons on your blog TWICE. Even Ricky Martin refers to Richard Simmons as “The Fat Gay Guy”. What will your no-neck buddies at the gym think?

4) You challenge me to a day of aerobics? You find me a gym that has barmaids and we’ll talk about it.

5) You want a shotgun! I don’t even want to go there. I don’t think your employer should allow you to have sharpened pencils.

In summary, you missed your shot. Many years ago you should have gotten yourself a Harley Davidson and a 17 year old girlfriend. At this point, you can only have a mid-life crisis if you plan on living till 106. Not likely for a fat guy who sweats to the oldies.

(Obligatory Political Content Below)

Or you could get a guest membership in Hutari.

These guys are charged with organizing a direct attack against the Federal Government. If you look closely at their mugshots, you’ll realize that these guys probably could not organize an oil change. And yet, Major Hassan is charged with parking in the handicapped zone.

Have a good week, Bluto
Your pal,