Temporary Knucksline: Johnny Porno ... DOC ...Lindsay Lohan/Linda Lovelace ... And From the Ooops files … Meet the Knucksters ... DOC says ...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Johnny Porno ... DOC ...Lindsay Lohan/Linda Lovelace ... And From the Ooops files … Meet the Knucksters ... DOC says ...

Amici:

To hell with Lindsay Lohan ... how about this:

Order Johnny Porno here:

DOC says: I loved the video, Chaz. Nothing says Attention Whore like shameless self promotion. I'm proud of you. Does that reviewer have any credentials beyond "having a camera"?

Your pal
Doc

There is a God and he (or she) is just. Lindsay Lohan has been set free ... and will be heading to the set of Inferno, a biopic about porn star turned anti-porn feminist crusader, Linda Lovelace, a truly tragic story if ever there was one.

Below is the trailer for the documentary about the making of Deep Throat, Inside Deep Throat. It is what juiced me to write Johnny Porno. It is a terrific documentary well worth seeing.

The Ooops files ...

Wars no more?

Ooooops … Insurgents launch a dozen attacks across Iraq … Bombings come one day after U.S. troop levels in Iraq dips below 50,000 …

Look, President clueless, what’s going on in Iraq now will happen thirty seconds after we FINALLY pull out of Afghanistan. That may be worth back-to-back Nobel PEACE Prizes to you, but think of all the American soldiers you can save from dying between now and that fugazy deadline you set (as well as all the innocents over there getting slaughtered for being caught between two war machines).

Horrible Housing News ... that’s what ABC was calling it ... although this pretty much says it all “And while 18 months ago President Obama announced a $75 billion housing program that would help 3-4 million Americans keep their homes, the value of the program is debatable. Slightly more than 400,000 Americans have received permanent mortgage modifications, with SOME LIBERALS now openly complaining that the program was actually more of a backdoor way to help banks, not homeowners.”

Make no mistake, though ... most of those same “SOME LIBERALS” will vote to put Fredo right back in the driver’s seat ... and Wall Street couldn’t be happier.

Ooops, there goes another $100 million ... that’s how much Albert Haynes-worth is worth? The genius who yearly runs the Redskins into the ground, Daniel Snyder, paid $100 million for the slob ... except the superstar defensive tackle/noseguard couldn't pass the basic team conditioning test. So what's the Redskins Conditioning Test?

“The test is two 300 yard shuttles," Wright said. "The first rep has to be in 70 seconds or better; you get three and a half minutes after, and then he has to run the second rep -- that position, O-line/D-line -- would have to run it in 73 seconds. 73 seconds for the second one, and that's the end of the test.”

Wait, shuttles? What are they?

“Straight-line run 25 yards, touch your foot on the line, run back, touch your foot on the line. So it's six times, 300 yards.”

Like my Daddy (Poppa Tommy) used to say: “It’s a good country, America.”

Roger (“hurry, gimme my dynabol”) Clemens seems to be showing some angst (or is it roid rage?) above. Wait’ll he gets a’load of lockup ...

GRYPHON BOOKS Collectable Paperback Show

New York City Collectible Paperback & Pulp Fiction Expo #22, the big 2010 show will be held on Sunday, September 19, 2010, at the Holiday Inn on 57th Street in NYC. Come meet the ugly Knuckster and his much better looking wife ... we’ll have neat lollipops and we never forget to bring the cannoli ...

—Knucks

And the DOC says ...

Dear Charles,

You can’t imagine my pride when I saw that the lead story in Knucksline was lauding the release from incarceration of Lindsay Lohan. Even my Zen Buddhist healer had noticed my malaise in the past weeks and he determined that it was caused by the reduction in the population of free skanky hos in America. For too long I had feared that Knucksline was becoming too mainstream media-ish with its constant harping about the economy and the wars and Obama’s weekly vacations. Lo and behold on August 25th we picked up the skanky ho issue and ran with it. Good on us!!

I took the liberty of enrolling Knucksline as the journal of record for Skanky Hos In Turmoil or S.H.I.T. as it’s known in the trade. We’re in SHIT now and we’ll be getting in deeper as the cause grows.

We should have been there for Madonna when she took all that heat for developing a perfect British accent after a week and a half trip to London. We ignored it at the time, but now we’re in SHIT, so Madonna, we’re there for you girl. Paris Hilton, we got your back too.

This movement reminds me of the famous German mantra:
They came first for the communists,
but I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a communist.
Then they came for the skanky hos,
but I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a skanky ho.
Etc, Etc.

Even former president, Bill Clinton has expressed some interest in our movement, but he would like to see a membership list, preferably with phone numbers.

Thank you Charles, for moving us away from that Drudge Report style of journalism and moving us closer to the Entertainment Tonight genre of cutting edge reporting.

Your pal,
Doc

Tommy Red Reviews ...

“This taut, compulsively readable tale of mob
life in and around New York City, Stella’s first novel since 2012’s Rough Riders, has the smack of authenticity on every page … Stella serves up a tasty goombah stew with a splash of Guinness, and no one can make this recipe simmer better than he does.” —Publishers Weekly

As usual Stella’s ear for dialogue is amazingly
authentic and accurate, which not only lends credibility to each of his characters but also adds to the headlong pace of the narrative. These themes and the way they influence almost every character elevates the novel from a simple story of murder and revenge. At the same time they demonstrate Stella’s
familiarity with present-day criminals and cops, and his mastery at presenting
tales that illustrate their world and inner emotions. For those who have yet to
discover the joy of Stella’s work, TOMMY RED is a good a place start as any. —Alan
Cranis (Bookgasm)

“Holy crap. I've said it before and I'll say
it again. Why the hell isn't Stella on every mystery lover's must-read list. . . . This taut, tightly presented story of misplaced loyalties and retribution is nicely tied up in a fast-paced tale that, once you get used to the rhythm of the dialogue, just begs you to turn
the next page.” —MenReadingBooks

“Stella was often compared to George V. Higgins and Elmore Leonard at the beginning of his career, but now the world of East Coast gangster fiction is all his.” —Mysterious Bookshop

“Tommy Red by Charlie Stella. Mob hit man gets into a snafu. This novel is only 165 pages long. Since this is a Stella novel you can bet it's 165 pages of greatness.”—Lake Mills Library

“Tommy Red builds to an explosive climax that should satisfy readers looking for action, while at the same time offering complex characterisation and thematic complexity that is beyond the reach of most crime novels.” —Crime Fiction Lover

“Stella reminds the reader of some recent episodes that the police would probably like
for us to forget, most prominently the Eric Garner incident. Even the mob guys think it makes the cops look bad. There's a lot going on in Tommy Red, and big props to Stella for
wrapping it all up in about 150 trade paperback pages. Good stuff and highly recommended.” —Bill Crider

“There are few writers (except possibly Elmore Leonard and George V. Higgins), who can
write mob dialogue as well as Charlie Stella … Charlie makes navigating my way though the plot fun. And funny. How can you not laugh at this line. It was a little after one o'clock in the
morning when he was thinking he'd like to bite the ass of that Mother of Dragons broad about to take a bath. (Game of Thrones).”—Patti Abbott

“No one writes better dialog, nor allows it to carry the story more than Stella, nor pulls it off better. Tommy Red could deteriorate into a series of scenes of guys bullshitting, but every sentence is an insight into a character’s mind,
and one never knows when a prime plot point will emerge from a discussion about the merits of hockey versus football … Tommy Red a riveting tale told in an engaging manner. You know, just as you’d expect from Charlie Stella.” —Dana King (One Bite at a Time)

Stella’s capers are populated with criminals who are more clever than smart and lawmen who get stymied by clever but eventually prevail with smarts. A delight. — Booklist (Wes Lukowsky)

Along the way the reader is treated to some of the finest characterization it’s humanly possible to capture on paper… Stella’s always dark, often violent, occasionally humorous Rough Riders more than stands on its own, and is more than worth your time. — Book Reviews By Elizabeth A. White

Sort of like Goodfellas meets Fargo. Check out Eddie’s World and start right in on Rough Riders. You’ll love the ride … Then read everything else he’s done. —East Coast Don (Men Reading Books)

Mr Stella makes his story supremely compelling and has certainly made me a believer. I very much look forward to reading his next book – in the meantime, chase this one down, it works like a beaut. —Tipping My Fedora

Let me say right here that I loved this book. Though complex, the plotlines are deftly managed and everything dovetails
towards its satisfying conclusion. Stella has a great ear for dialogue, with the New Yorkers clearly speaking a different vernacular to the Dakotans. —Crime Fiction Lover

Stella writes about criminals and cops, killers and cons, as if he knows the territory. This is one of those books that you rip through, eager to see who'll be the last man standing, as you never know who'll get the next bullet. Big, grim, boisterous, funny, and frightening all at once. Check it out. — Bill Crider

Stella’s characters’ voices sound authentic: no macho posturing — just their brutal, hard world. This is one of the leaner crime novels currently out there. For those wanting a serious character piece where the payoffs deliver, reach for ROUGH RIDERS. —Bookasm, Bruce Grossman

Rough Riders has a plethora of characters, many of whom you won't want to like but just might. What seems like true dialogue spews from mouths, FBI and locals alike. I found it very hard to put this book down, even to eat a meal. Author Charlie Stella has a way with words that makes him a master at his craft. Don't miss this one. — Bookloons Reviews (Reviewed by Mary Ann Smyth)

This is a fast and furious thriller that brings back the antagonists in Eddie’s World in a good, the bad and the ugly storyline. Rotating between the northern Great Plains and
the New York area, fans will enjoy this action-packed noir although the Feds are too scandalously uncaring about collateral damage or simply deadly avarice. – Genre Go Round Reviews (Harriett Klausner)

Johnn Porno Reviews ...

“Mr. Stella is a natural. As soon as I finished Johnny Porno I gave the book to my son so we could both be wiser-guys. Now I’m going to find all his other novels. He’s a true master.” —Dow Mossman, The Stones of Summer

“... Elmore Leonard fans are going to love Stella’s entirely original contribution to the slice-of-criminal-life genre, down-and-dirty division ... This is the seventh novel from Stella (Mafiya, 2008), who has made the underside of the New York underworld his home.” —Elliott Swanson (Booklist)

“Set in New York City in 1973, Stella’s vibrant seventh crime novel catches the cadence and daily grind of organized crime grunts … Stella tosses an eclectic cast of characters into the mix … admirers of Elmore Leonard and George V. Higgins will be happy.” —Publishers Weekly

“Johnny Porno is in many ways a master’s class on how to write a novel ... The dialog flows so smooth you’d swear you were over hearing someone’s conversation... He drops you in the middle and lets the reveals of the narrative come naturally through the dialog... Bottom line is that Johnny Porno is one of the best books I’ve read so far this year.”>—Brian Lindenmuth (Spinetingler Magazine)

“Stella has fun with DEEP THROAT throughout the book, including the idea to sell fake autographed panties ... the book is so well-crafted and well-paced that it’s going to make more than a few best-of lists when the time comes. Stella never goes for the cheap outs, letting these characters develop over the course of his story ... Not only is it a throwback to the 1970s generation, but one that blows away most set in the present day.”—Bruce Grossman (Bookgasm)

“Based on my experience with Johnny Porno — I haven't read his other books but plan to remedy that soon (Charlie Opera is $2.00 on Smashwords) — I must say that Charlie Stella is one of the best writers the crime genre currently has to offer. He's a natural wordsmith, putting down the way people really talk in a way that still reads smoothly — not an easy task. The fact that Stark House Press, who previously focused on reprinting "lost" pulp novels, chose Stella as their first original author — after author Ed Gorman recommended him upon reading the manuscript — says a lot about his peers' respect for him.” — Craig Clarke (Somebody Dies)

“Psycho cops, bent cops, straight cops, Feds, wiseguys, good women, bad women,really bad women, guys on the make, gamblers, dumbasses, good guys, bad guys. This book's got 'em all (and more), and all so well-drawn that they seem like real people. There are also three or four plots going in, and they all converge in the final pages. I don't know how Stella managed to keep all the balls in the air, but he doesn't drop a one. Stark House's first original is a winner.”—Bill Crider, author of the Sheriff Dan Rhodess series and several other novels

“Stella is of the George V. Higgins school and tells the story through compelling dialogue ... Like Higgins, Stella isn’t afraid to let action occur offstage, to be described by the principals after the fact. In Stella’s hands, this adds to the suspense, as he understands every overt climax lessens tension at its conclusion, while covert climaxes continue to ratchet it up.”>—Dana King, (New Mystery Reader)

“Charlie Stella has a gift for nailing the colorful characters in this seedy little corner of New York. The dialog couldn’t be more authentic, and from page one I was transported to a hot, gritty landscape full of guys who say ‘yous’ and women who are used to being used ... I relished how the focus was on the guys at the bottom of the totem pole, and I got to see what happens to the drivers, runners, and climbers who associate with organized crime. It ain’t pretty.”> —Rebecca Baumann, (Dirty Sexy Books)

A plot whose pacing is as fast as a pack of greyhounds and at the same time, miraculously, as crazily and craftily constructed as a Marx Brothers movie or a Rube Goldberg machine. A hungry menagerie of good guys and bad guys at feeding time. A writing style that’s top-shelf. Some side-orders of Suspense. Romance. Black Humor. All seasoned liberally with Sex, Violence, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. What else will readers find in JOHNNY PORNO? A novel that shouldn’t be this much fun or pleasurable. That’s Charlie Stella’s real crime.—Lynn Kostoff, Author of Late Rain (Tyrus Books 2010), A Choice Of Nightmares (New Pulp Press 2010), The Long Fall (Carroll and Graf 2003)

“This is a hell of a novel. Epic, yet human scale... It s wonderfully fresh and alive.” —Craig McDonald, author of Head Games, Toros and Torsos and Print The Legend

Johnny Porno is a terrific Nixon Era crime caper reminiscent of Elmore Leonard. The story line is fast-paced, filled with action and violence, and stars a seemingly hapless chump struggling to survive in a cesspool. With the fun look at pop culture in circa 1973 enhancing the plot, readers, especially boomers, will enjoy Johnny Porno’s New York joy ride.—Harriet Klausner (The Mystery Gazette)

“... this has all the trappings of classic Stella – decent guys, wise guys of various standing in the mob, good/dirty cops, but most importantly, dialogue that makes you want to stand up and beg for more. Through Stella, you can practically smell the garlic on the breath of the wiseguys trying to intimidate, strain to hear cops jerking each other around through hot dog stuffed faces, wince at the lunacy of an ex-wife going off the deep end, and nod approvingly when someone does a decent thing for Johnny. Why Stella’s books aren’t flying off the main table at the front door of Barnes/Noble and Borders is, in itself, a crime.” —East Coast Don (Men Reading Books)

“Charlie Stella's JOHNNY PORNO: absolutely excellent. Guy does dialogue like no one else.”— Russel D. McLean, Author of The Good Son and The Lost Sister(From an Interview with CRIME SCENE NI (Northern Ireland))

“Johnny Porno is exactly that – a hard man chasing the tail that won’t pay for the tears. By first reminding us of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet and then translating its rhetorical question into the vernacular of our romantically challenged times, Stella’s way with words does the near impossible; it finds a way from pornography to romance in the paradox of power and impotence peculiar to all of us: ‘Fuck’s in a name?’” — Len Wanner, University of Edinburgh.