The Doc says ...

Hey Chaz,

First off, I want to apologize for my last letter. I never meant to imply that there was anything lighthearted about what happened in Joplin, Missouri. My sister lives in Missouri and those poor folks seem to deal with whatever weather Hell has left over. It also taught me a valuable lesson about writing opinion pieces when you’re half in the bag. I promise never to do that again, starting tomorrow.

So, Happy Birthday, Big Guy! I just heard that Marilyn Monroe was also born on June 1st. She would have been 85 today. I guess she just sucked up all the beauty available for June 1st and you were left with fabulous writing skills.

And congratulations to Charles (not Chaz) on getting his Masters. I’ve always enjoyed running into Charles at your “Literary Readings”. He’s a little too thin with a little too much hair, but in spite of that he’s a good man.

I loved seeing the clip from your “sweat” reading at the Literary Club. That place was in the neighborhood made famous by that Springsteen Hit “There’s a Darkness on the Edge of Town”. The cabbie wouldn’t even take me down there until I showed him that I had a gun too. As if the neighborhood wasn’t bad enough, the literary club was held in a former massage parlor. And not just any massage parlor… this was a genuine “Happy Ending/$15/I Love You Long Time G.I.” massage parlor. Ahh, strolling down memory lane.

Now, we get to Weiner’s weiner. So, this arrogant, loud-mouthed, toucan-nosed little congressional pissant got caught sending pictures of his crotch to some 21 year old co-ed. His first defense was his Twitter account was hacked. This is obviously the 21st Century techno version of “my dog ate my homework”. But he wants to get back to serving the American people, so he does not want an FBI investigation into the hacking. Yeah, good call.

Sorry, I got ahead of myself. The “hacker” doesn’t just send the Weiner pic to the co-ed. He sends it to everyone on Weiner’s Twitter account... the all too common “reply to all” fuck up. But wait, there’s more. Then the “hacker” tries to delete the message. Now why would a hacker do that???

The jaws of life are closing around this little pecker’s pecker. He thought he could bulldoze his way through this, but it’s not going away. In his latest interview he claims that he cannot say with certitude (love that word) if the crotch in question is his or not. Huh???

I worked as a professional photographer. Out of the thousands of pictures I took I could identify every single one as my photograph or not. Going a step further, if someone, other than myself had taken a picture of my crotch I could spot that snapshot as well. To summarize, his latest defense is:

“Hey, I’m a public figure. A lot of people take pictures of my crotch. I can’t be expected to remember every one. And then this “hacker” got a hold of one of my many crotch portraits and sent it to all New York State residents and then felt guilty and tried to delete it.”

Yup, that must be what happened.

Just as a side note, Chaz, did you see the pictures of Sarah Palin on the Harley decked out in black leather? (Sarah, not the Harley)

Here‘s your guy.


Happy Birthday, Buckeroo
Doc

Charles (not Charlie) gradumacates (again) ... Buon Compleanno, Carmelo, Florian Maas & Marilyn Monroe ... 3 Year Old Flashback ...

Amici:

Today, June 1st, this handsome marathon running fella (pictured dancing with his lovely bride, Leslie) at their wedding this past September 11, 2010 gradumacates (Popeye speak) from Baruch with an MBA. Charles (not Charlie) delivers the goods on his Phat Dad’s 55th Birthday ... it’s a beautiful thing.

Don’t ask me WTF an MBA is, but I suspect it has to do with making fazools (legitimately) ... or at least under the guise of legitimacy ... whatever, the kid worked his ass off (going to school nights while working days and barely missing an opportunity to work OT when it was available) ... toss in a couple of marathons (Delaware and New York) and a sudden love of opera (that’s what I’m talking about) and what you have is Sir Charles of Stella. We’re all very proud of the kid. Today we’ll be at his ceremony at the Javitz Center ... I love me some gradumacational celebrationals ... that boy, he’s so edumacated ...

See, all very legitimate.

That’s a picture of my sister (his Aunt Del) and her dog (Lilly) on his shirt (what he wears when he runs marathons). We’re all proud of that too. Adele and Lilly both passed a few years ago.

She talkin’ to me?
Okay, I didn’t think so. Enough with that beast talk.

That’s what I’m talkin’ about ... out of work and no place to go ... but back to work? Bummer, dude.

Walking to Beethoven ... okay, so I’ve now finished four long Symphony Number 9 walks (up and down hills) in the heat of the day (an hour and nine minutes, start to finish) and although the shin splints were plenty painful come the evening, the pounds are melting off (oy vey, was that a softball served to Doc or what?) ... I’m coming down like a rocket ... 7 pounds down in 9-10 days; the combination of long-ass aerobic sessions (gym and walking) and really watching what I consume is definitely making a difference ... that or its cancer. Bottom line, I may just break three bills before my return from Shutter Island end of June.

It’s been a productive summer (thank you, Blank Rome) ... I finished a full-length 3 Act play about my crazy family ... I wrote a draft of one novel, junked it and started another (that one is just beyond the midway point and will survive--Jimmy (Bench Press) Mangino is back). I’ll be working on the literary novel in the MFA program (and hopefully won’t junk it ... again).

In the meantime, life is good. At 55, it could end tomorrow and I’d still be a happy Phat Dad ... forgetaboutit ...

And here’s a 3-Year Old Flashback interview from Gelf Magazine’s Non-motivational speaker series ... the Baltimore Noire Short Story (Ode to the O’s) ... click on this link and hear/watch the ugly one explaining Ode to the O’s ... and reading a bit from it ... 3 years ago ... check out the Pavarotti-like towel.

I will be slipping off the diet wagon this evening with a stop at our favorite Mexican joint for dinner and a few beers ... but then Thursday I’ll be back on the wagon with gusto.

And happy birthday to two hot tomatas in their own right, Florian Maas & Marilyn Monroe (us June 1st babies ... hey, what can I say)? We’re on fire ...




—Carmelo/Charlie/Knucks/Spiranza’s Sonny Boy ... the ugly one

The Doc says ...

Amici:

For those unfamiliar with Temporary Knucksline, this is our (now) monthly disclaimer ... TK allows one commentator aside from the ugly Knuckster ... that commentator is the Doc ... or, as he’s known around here (sarcasm intended), signor compassion (his columns are titled "The Doc says"). Doc usually has two favorite targets ... President Obama and yours truly. Occasionally (like today) he also picks on either our super dog (Rigoletto) and/or our super mouse (Spartacus). He shoots from just right of (crazy) Sara Palin’s porch politically and is an expert marksman. He is also a hell of a writer (has written a terrific survival novel we all hope gets picked up soon). So, welcome to Temporary Knucksline (TK). Those unfamiliar with the drivel here, try not to be offended ... and if you are, imagine you’re me. Trust me, it ain’t easy being me ...

Doc writes to TK in the form of letters. So, hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s, le Doc:

Yo Knuckster,

We need to have an intervention concerning these foreign films. Quite frankly, this douchebaggery has got to stop. The amicis know you are in between careers and I’m sure they are quite sympathetic to your situation. Rubbing their faces with the fact that you are wandering around Casa Stella in your Buffalo Bills Snuggie, smoking that silly pipe, wearing your beret and affecting some ridiculous French accent while speaking to your imaginary talking mouse, while waiting for the next inane foreign film to begin is just rude.

A quick pop quiz for the amicis:

Do the trailers for the foreign films have subtitles???????????????
It’s very quiet… I’m hearing crickets… tumbleweed is blowing by.

No one answered because nobody watches the freaking trailers. Good God, the trailers make me long for the good old days of the opera snippets. I didn’t watch those either, but at least I could feel cosmopolitan that I had opera videos in my email.

Now, on to your astute political appraisals.

48% does not exactly qualify as a resounding victory. Now I know in North Dakota the math is a little different, but 48% means that most people did not want this muppet to win. They couldn’t get together on who they did want, but it wasn’t the Democrat.

Once again the repubicans have shown up to a street fight with those giant foam rubber boxing gloves they give out at Chuck E. Cheese while the dimocrats are doing Joe Pesci from Goodfellas and borrowing Mom’s butcher knife to cut the deer out of the grill.

The Repubicans better learn fast or they will find a Tea Party candidate in every upcoming election sucking up just enough votes for them to lose. The Tea Party guy in the NY election had run a few times before as a democrat.

But let’s move on to a more lighthearted subject. Joplin, Missouri has been blown off the map and Fredo spent the week in the Emerald Isles celebrating his Irish heritage. Has any president ever been as tone deaf as Fredo? If Tasmanian frog humpers were a large enough voting bloc he would claim that he too was a Tasmanian frog humper and then affect the appropriate accent.

Okay, well that wasn’t as light hearted as I wanted, but I’ve got nothing else. I could always fell back on you and “Glee”, but that’s such an easy shot I’ll save that for when I’m too rum-soaked to come up with anything original.

FLY YOUR FLAG!

Your pal,
Doc

Need Juice? ... Alma Mahler ... two more foreign flicks ... NY-26 ...

Amici:
Need Juice? ... Try this (below). You aren’t psyched by the crescendos, you’ve already died ...

Aphrodisiac or just nice music to bump uglies by? Nah, nothing to do with sex, but a whole lot to do with despair ... it gets a mention in the first line of my attempt at a literary novel, mostly because of the scribbling the composer attached to the sheet music ... Alma wasn’t being faithful and Gustav found out ... “Du allein weisst was es bedeutet!” (You alone know what it means). A reference to the shared experience the couple had with a funeral march--a drum beat specifically.

Human Resources ... a kid returns from school to work as a trainee in Human Resources for the same factory his father has been working at for 30 years ... the 35 hour workweek is the issue ... the politics are ruthless and although there are few surprises, it was a good reminder of why greed isn’t good ...

Russian Dolls ... a fun movie crossing many borders ... good stuff ... as in funny and heartwarming and a nice break in the pace.

Need Politics? NY-26 was a resounding call to back the fock off to the tea party and the GOP (but will the GOP ever find the guts to tell the tea party to fock off?) If they can’t win in their own backyard, it’s gonna be even uglier in 2012.

Democrat Kathy Hochul came from behind in the campaign's last weeks to defeat GOP nominee Jane Corwin, 48 percent to 42 percent. Tea party candidate Jack Davis took 8 percent of the vote.

The problem is “their” message was never representative of the entire country. Yes, the entire country (or most of it) is fed up with ALL the politicians (Democrats and Republicans alike) in D.C. who represent corporation interests and their own skins before any of us, but going the “give them more freedom to do so” mentality has finally scared enough on the right to realize all this talk of “freedom” has little to do with their liberty and a whole lot more to do with the profits attainable by those who already have the gelt to work with.

The problem is their numbers continue to shrink, as does their viability and credibility ... and their spirited appeals to an ideology rather than problem solving more often than not makes them look downright silly.

In fact, the resounding response in NY-26 is pretty similar to the rest of the civilized country ... and here it is:



—Knucks

A Somewhat Gentle Man ... The Forest for the Trees ... Socialist my butt ...

Amici:

A Somewhat Gentle Man ... This was weird and wonderful. Funny to no end ... intriguing and just plain interesting ... and without any of the usual beautiful people most films require. Very highly recommended.

The Forest for the Trees ... this one will make you cringe at every turn ... a naive small town woman who’s just broken up with her high school sweatheart (an 8 year relationship) moves to a bigger city in Deutschland and is confronted with some urban pie-in-the-eye brats to teach mid-semester. She has zero socialization skills, is needy to the point of obsessive and it just is soooo hard to watch, yet you can’t take your eyes away from the screen.

The Disgraced Head of IMF ... let’s see, not only was this socialist was willing to fork over $3,000 a night for a hotel, he gets $349,000 in compensation from being the head of the IMF, as well as $100,000 a year pension (conviction or not). Maybe the anarchists are right after all ... make it one big focking free-for-all ...

—Knucks

Eightball Boogie ... Edukators ... $3,000 a night ... The Govinator ... Glee (Disc 2/Season 2) ...

Amici:

I had been meaning to read Declan Burke for about a year now. Burke came very highly recommended by Dana King. Being a big King fan (Dana, not Stephen), I was at one of his blog sites the other day and saw the name (Declan Burke) again and was fortunate enough to make it to the amazon site before being interrupted and forgetting what I was doing on the computer (which happens way too often of late). I searched through some of the titles, then saw where Eightball Boogie was available on kindle. Bada-boom, bada-bing, one click, etc.

Clever writing is something I enjoy. So is smart writing. Add some black humor to the mix, dialogue that smacks you with a smile and a genuine sense that the author knows well the surroundings/history, etc., of which he (or she) writes and you have a perfect storm of terrific reading. Harry Rigby is a “research consultant” (clever in itself) ... a self-loather of the first ilk, but one with a sense of justice balanced by pragmatism; you do what you can when you can do it. He’s got a particularly nasty brother he hasn’t seen in four years, a wife who doesn’t love him/nor he her, but they share a son they both love dearly. Trouble brews when the wife of a prominent politician offs herself (except she didn’t -- it look more like murder) ... one of Harry’s few friends has the pictures ... there’s the beautiful Kate (brother, did I want a date with her--proving I have some of this self-loathing thing in me as well because her comebacks rival Rigby's) ... treachery abounds and it’s Christmas, for fucks sake. No spoilers here, but this is terrific writing that shouldn’t be missed; something my compassionate friend Doc will thoroughly enjoy for sure (his being a Jack Taylor fan and all).

Harry Rigby, the ultimate anti-hero, fights his own demons (including a death wish except for protecting his son) and some of the corrupt and powerful in and around his home town when murder comes a knockin’ at Christmas ... nothing short of brilliant writing is the highlight of Eightball Boogie ... absolutely brilliant writing.

The Edukators ... radicals socialist/communists vs. capitalism(ist) ... an interesting story that quickly turns thriller when the best laid plans of best buddies veers out of control. Interesting stuff ... worth the time ... loved the open ending.

The head of the IMF is a rapist ... okay, so shoot his dick off ... but what is infuriating to me is the following: The 32-year-old maid told authorities that when she entered his spacious, $3,000-a-night suite early Saturday afternoon, she thought it was unoccupied. 3 dimes a night? ... Are you kidding me? And he’s a socialist? He’s not my kind of socialist. Oy vey ...

Baseball hall of famer, Harmon Killebrew passed away on Monday ... he was one of the truly great ones ... hit 40 homers in 8 consecutive seasons when home runs weren’t juiced, fences weren’t moved in and the pitching wasn’t diluted into the mostly garbage it is today.

The Govinator is a Daddy! Oy vey, he planted his seed inside a former staff member ... his wife upped and left ... now he can go back to making terrible movies again ...

Glee Season 2/Disc 4 ... hey, we’re Gleeks and proud ... but I wanna be the Gleek of the week! How does one do this? Gwyneth Paltrow stars in episode 7 (hilarious and fun) ... proving that Gleeks can be cooler than all yous cynical types out there ...



—Knucks

Happy Birthday Boo-Dee-Bah! Bin Laden & Porn ... Shutter Island ...

Amici:
Dustin William Stella is now 27 years young ... a mixture of eye-talian, Deutschland, with a bit of Holländer and the Frenchman in him ... named after the actor, Dustin Hoffman, after his mother and I saw Mr. Hoffman perform in Death of a Salesman on Broadway, the Boo-Dee-Bah’s second name comes from his mother’s father (Grandpa Bill). Dustin spent Thursday night with Ann Marie and I at Casa Stella where we feasted on steak and burgers and they all made fun of my upcoming prison sentence on Shutter Island for the MFA program I’m enrolled in. Dustin is the youngest Stella brat, an incredibly good ball-breaker, devout Buffalo Bills fan, a football fanatic and one hell of a debater. He has the biggest heart (among other things) in the world and that’s what makes his old man most proud. Dustin's birthday falls on my father's birthday as well (Poppa Tommy). My father and sister and I were all present when the Boo-Dee-Bah was born ... one of the better memories for this cranky old man. We love you, Boo-Dee-Bah!

Happy Birthday, Boo-Dee-Bah!

Buon compleanno, Duster Babe!

Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!

Joyeux anniversaire!

Gelukkige Verjaardag!

Oy vey ... Happy Birthday, son.

Bin Laden was into porn ... I guess he couldn’t wait for those 72 virgins ... the questions is, of course, did he read Johnny Porno? Could he have possibly been reader # 17? If he was, that was the magic number (pre-picked by Knucks himself) ... he could’ve won a T-shirt!

Star or Shutter Island?

As the start of the MFA program edges ever closer, the family is having fun at the ugly one’s expense. Showers every other day ... not much electric ... no locks on the doors ... communal dining ... fresh water delivered to your door every morning ... oy vey ... couldn’t they charge us a few extra coins and pick Paradise Island?

Dustin William Stella is President for the day ... so, without further ado ... Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

—Knucks (the very proud Papa)