Doc emails/Doc says ... but first ...

Amici:

Green Bay, 1965 Championship Game

This one is for Doc. His love of all things football (and opera) made the above an easy choice.

Fun night at the Circle in the Square theatre last night where Dustin Stella and Coach Billy Luisa (Port Richmond High School) and the ugly one took in Lombardi on Broadway. Funny stuff start to finish with some touching moments to boot. The most awesome thing we saw were people wearing Green Bay Packer garb who had come from Green Bay, Wisconsin to see a play about their football God. Kudos to them. Awesome, really ... and it shows you just how much a little eye-talian fella from Brooklyn meant to an entire community (which owns its football team, by the way--oh, those terrible, terrible, socialists ...). You go Green Bay!

Now, for the Doc and his response(s) to our last post. First, though, here’s his email to me yesterday for not getting his post up there fast enough.

Hey Chazmeister,

There are only 2 possible reasons why you have not printed my thoughtful and sensitive reply to your blog.

First possibility... I have somehow, once again, offended your left wing, sissified, crybaby, bedwetting sense of political correctness with my comments about Michelle's gravity-altering buttocks.

Second, and more likely... you lost it.

So, which one is it, Bunky?
Doc


Doc is referring to his aid in a rifle shooting scene in Rough Riders he recently helped me with (he rewrote actually, in his charming way (see below)). I had sent him the scene as I wrote it a few weeks ago and when he filled in the proper gun nut details, I had managed to lose it in my deleted emails and had to ask him to send it again.

Oy vey ...

Without further ado, here’s le Doc's "thoughtful and sensitive reply to your (our) blog" ...

Hey Chaz,

You were a little bit rough on the Tea Party there. If this chick rushed through a crowd and tried to give The Bamster a box I wonder how the Secret Service would have handled it. And why the disguise? Turns out she is a Media Matters professional protestor… shows up at all the big events. It’s not like they shot her… just stepped on her head a little.

So Fredo went on the Daily Show. It won’t be long before my prediction comes true and he is sitting in that center box on Hollywood Squares.

Personally I think the muppet is losing his damn mind. He goes on Spanish radio and tells Hispanics that November 2nd is the time to “punish your enemies”. Wouldn’t those “enemies” be American citizens too?

Two days after his Waterloo on Tuesday his highness and “Junk in the Trunk” are heading to India. I guess that’s his only opportunity to see a lot of people working on American jobs. The royal couple have reserved all 570 rooms of the Taj Mahal Hotel and we get to pay for them. While there, he will address the Indian Parliament. It will be the first time in history that anyone has used a teleprompter while speaking to parliament. And why is that? Because the smartest man in the world can’t memorize a twenty minute speech. Hell, he’s been giving that same “America sucks” speech for three years. You would think he would have it down by now.

To show that I have no hard feelings here is a song dedicated to the ever lovely Michelle.

Have a great weekend
Doc

P.S. It’s not just the opera. We also hate the Lombardi clips.

And here's Doc's rewrite of a scene to Rough Riders (that rifle scene):

The chopper was already on the ground. Dale crossed the highway and stopped about four hundred yards from the farmhouse. He popped the trunk of his car and pulled out his hunting rifle and an old blanket. He rolled the blanket up and placed it on the hood of the car as a rest for his Winchester 70. He guesstimated the range to be about 400 yards. He remembered making longer shots back in the Sandbox, but his 7 mm magnum would be maxing out at this range. The air was still, so he had no worries about wind drift, but the light 140 grain bullet would be dropping almost a foot and a half at this distance. He steadied himself and placed the crosshairs a few inches above X’s head. The rifle barked. Dale heard the bullet hit and from the red mist at X’s back he knew it was a solid body hit. He cranked in a fresh round, but it wouldn’t be necessary. Men were funny like that he thought. You could shoot a deer through both lungs and it would still run a hundred yards. You shoot a man’s pinky off and he’d more than likely drop to the ground staring at the stump…funny.

As he approached X’s body the door of the farmhouse burst open and Eve, the aspiring young porn star, rushed out saying,

“Thanks for rescuing me, Dale. How about a blow job?”

THE END



—Knucks

Stranglehold Review ... Obama & Stewart ... The Stomper ... Lombardi on Broadway ...

Amici:

Stranglehold … Ed Gorman’s political thriller couldn’t come at a better time. What with the sleaze and craziness that has taken hold of our political system, what better than a little murder and mayhem (with underpinnings of what life must be like for those inclined to become public servants). The boss and I were talking about this tonight; how anybody desiring to serve in the government has to first think about just what kind of laundry will be aired and at who’s expense. A shame really. As if people who’ve had affairs or illegitimate children or a few too many one night when they got behind the wheel of a car, etc. can't learn from their mistakes and or govern inspite of them. Not to mention how they will have to relive those experiences over and over and over in the worst possible light (television).

The thing I enjoy most about Gorman’s novel is the fairness with which he treats his characters and their particular preferences, political, social, ethical and religious. There are jocks who can speak the mother tongue, walk and chew gum at the same time. There are Republicans who aren’t to be assumed racist, homophobes and/or kings and queens looking down upon their serfs. There are some of those, make no mistake, but there are also Democrats (Dev, for one) who can cringe at similar aspects of his own party (Democrats). When a reader finds fairness, I believe, they are inclined to keep reading. I’ve often (in my late 40’s early 50’s) been put off by some of the more obvious slants in all forms of entertainment. Ultimately, when I’m confronted with FOX or MSNBC-like agendas, I tend to switch channels (or put down a book). Not so with Ed Gorman’s work. While the title, Stranglehold, refers to the grip money has on too many of us, especially those around the aging, yet beautiful starlet, Natalie Byrnes; it also refers to what too many of us (especially those around Ms. Byrnes) will do for it as they stoop pretty low to seize the day.

No spoilers, but this one involves what you’d expect in a political campaign these days (blackmail, sleaze tactics) plus a touch of murder (or two) ... Gorman is smooth and clever and this book’s release is perfectly timed for our upcoming fiasco next Tuesday (where, it seems yet again, no matter who wins/we all lose).

President Obama was on the Jon Stewart show last night and did about as good as he could under the current political circumstances (spinning, spinning, spinning). Stewart was obviously playing nice (nicer than when that idiot from MSNBC - Cramer(?)) was on a year or so ago, but he didn’t follow-up the way TK would have, that’s for sure.

A few questions we would have liked to ask President Obama:

You saw it fit to bail out Wall Street with our money, yet you didn’t protect our jobs in the process; bailed out companies continued and still continue to outsource OUR jobs while they reward themselves with OUR money. Why?

Why weren’t there stipulations to management of the firms that drove our economy (and our 401k’s) into “the ditch” that precluded them from bonuses of any kind?

You let bailed out companies ignore $38 billion in taxes. Why?

And why couldn’t we the people (who paid for the bailouts) borrow our own money (what was left of our 401k’s) without penalty while Wall Street walked away from not only their debt, but also the taxes mentioned above?

To be fair, Stewart did ask Obama why there weren’t any stipulations to preclude insurance companies from increasing their rates 10-40% BEFORE his so-called health reform took place and when the President tried to dodge that one, Stewart was quick to point out that stoppages in increases only came in at absurd increases like 30% but were not in place at 29%.

Well, I guess we’ll know next Tuesday how much further to the right President Obama can go once he loses his majority in the house. Something tells me that if he wants to win in 2012 and Sarah Palin doesn’t run (because that woman can only insure his victory), he may well switch parties.

Oy vey ...

While we’re on politics … here’s why the Tea Party looks so bad … this crap:



Tough guys, eh? I often crack wise about the lack of balls liberal democrats show (and they do) by refusing to demand anything from their party. This is worse. If the Republicans had any balls (and they don’t), they’d refute this party wholesale for acts like the above. What a bunch of punks.


Fascinating video of a murder confession (Colonel Russell Williams) discussed over at Do Some Damage by the Canadian Elmore Leonard, John McFetridge. Watch all the videos on Youtube. Truly fascinating … and handled with what appears to be absolute professionalism by Detective Sergeant Jim Smyth.



What the hell is going on out here!



Lombardi on Broadway … Dustin and the phat Dad and Coach Billy Luisi (my wife’s nephew coaches at Port Richmond high school) will be seeing the play tomorrow night. It’s a beautiful thing.

Meet the team ...



—Knucks

Doc says ...

Amici:

He's been busy of late, the Doc has ... so this is his abbreviated correspondence (the slacker).

Happy Halloween, Chaz,

I loved that self interview. Well, at least the first part. Once you stopped talking about me I kind of lost interest and nodded off.

It’s interesting that some people think that you invented me. I mean really, if you had to invent someone would you invent someone who pees in your corn flakes, hates opera and is Irish to boot?

But what if it’s true? Am I really just another one of those voices in your head? Let’s look at the facts. Have any of the amicis ever seen me? No. I’m an unemployed programmer who lives in a house with an inground swimming pool. Well, that seems odd. A weapons expert who looks like Poppa Smurf… strange. Have we ever talked on the phone? I don’t think so, we always communicate through email. You claim that I came to your Christmas party last year, but that was the night of the biggest snowstorm of the year. Kind of a dangerous trek just to get some brewskies and pigs in a blanket. Did any other of the revelers see me? Nope, I’m supposedly the only one who showed up. Or did I? To be honest, I am having doubts about my existence at this point.

In the LifeTime movie biography of the novelist Charlie Stella all these questions are answered in the last three minutes when your psychiatrist insists that you drive him over to Doc’s house. As the car pulls to the curb the camera pans to an empty lot with the wind blowing through the weeds. In the center of the lot is a sign…

COMING SOON
DOC FREDO’S
GUNSHOP & ALEHOUSE

Then the screen fades to black.

Have a great week, buddy boy

Doc ?

The ugly one interviews himself (again) ... and some sports ...

Amici:

Nigel Bird has a blog (Sea Minor) where he invites authors to interview themselves ... since nobody else listens to me (or is interested in what I have to say (Nicole, Charles & Dustin Stella)), I took the challenge ... oy vey ...

Nigel is a hell of a writer and has some good stuff to pick and choose from on his site, including this one from A Twist of Noir (dig the opening line). Go there and check out this guy, he’s a good one.

What say we call on the Doc to interview himself, amici? You know it’ll be fun ... and always at my expense.

And here’s a replay video review of Johnny Porno (just for the hell of it) ...



SPORTS ... (if you look hard, you’ll notice the word Sports in the picture somewhere ...)

Well, the big stories this week have to do with me only finishing 3/4’s of the Lombardi book (because I’m busy rewriting Rough Riders (to the Godmother’s specifications), a sequel to Eddie’s World I wrote 7-8 years ago that required some updating). But I’m sure yous are much more interested in my locks of the week, etc., (how can we blame yous?), but a quick wrap-up of the sports week has the $210 million dollar skankies taking it on the chin in Texas and the Flyers of Philly falling to the Little Giants of San Fran ... now, let’s take a closer look-see at how this tournament turned out.

According to the regular season final standings (which obviously count for squat), the 2nd best team in the National League is going to the tournament ... while over in the junior T-ball league, it’ll be the 4th best team playing in the tournament. That should make for great television (yawn) ... like we always say here at TK, why not pick the teams from a hat rather than bore the shit out of us with 162 games that mean absolutely nothing ...

On that note, Let’s Go Mets!

And speaking of Lombardi ...



Ooops, wrong Lombardi ...



Over in the NFL, the morons running the show want to add 2 more games to an already overburdened schedule; overburdened not only on all of us, but on the players it is making believe it wants to protect with a new set of fines for guys playing the game the way it was meant to be played. I learned how to tackle with slow to fast motion tackling drills that required you look into the chest of the ball carrier (eyes up). How you manage to do that without using your helmet is beyond me. Spearing may be apparent during blind side hits, but I don’t think it’s so easy to detect in head-to-head hits.

Adding two games to the schedule is insane for player careers. It means full speed an extra 120 minutes for players who would get at least 30-60 of those minutes off if the games remained exhibition only. Leave it to the NFL to come up with yet another way to add scoring to a league already designed to keep the fans excited. Me, I prefer a 7-6 game, but what the hell do I know?

One rule change that should’ve been made a long time ago is that fugazy-ass “pass interference” call where the ball is placed at the spot of the foul rather than 15 yards from the line of scrimmage. Last week the Y-E-T-S, Yets, Yets, Yets were GIFTED their game against the Denver Broncettes with one such call. It’s bullshit, pure and simple. Get rid of it ... ASAP.

My Beloved New York State Buffalo Bills ... today we take on the Wes Cravens in Baltimore ... who lost a heartbreaker to the New England Cheaterfaces (quarterbacked by a guy who “wears his hair like a girl”). Oy vey, this one may get ugly. Take the Cravens and give the two dozen points they should be favored.

Falconettes over the Bengalees (because Carson Palmer truly sucks) ...

Steelers over the Dolphinations (I hope) ...

Chefs over the Jagwires ... Go Chefs!

Browns upset the Aints ...

Skins over the Cubs ...

49’ers make their move against the Pantherless ...

Bucks beat back the Sheep ...

Titans mark the return of the dog killer for Philly ...

Sea Pigeons get destroyed by the Sun Devils ...

Chargerless pick the girliemen apart in San Diego ...

Denver makes the Raiderettes pay for that bogus loss to the Yets ...

And tonight Vince’s kids pick apart the Fava beanheads of Viking land ...

Monday night ... Giants-Cowgirls ... Go Blue ... big!

And this one (from Italia with love) is for the Doc ...



—Knucks

The Doc is back!

Amici:

Disney will never be the same ...

Dear Chaz,

I have returned from the Magic Kingdom and am honestly delighted to be back home in boring New Joizey. We started out with a tour at a petting zoo that just went on and on like lingering death. I mean really, do I look like someone who wants to catch a chicken… or a pig? Even my 5 year old granddaughter wanted no part of these shenanigans.

We followed that up with 2 days at Disney and 1 day at Universal Studios. I would wager that we covered at least 150 miles in those 3 days. On the bright side, Tatiana did get autographs and pictures with “The Princesses”, but when we saw that the waiting time to meet “The Fairies” was 60 minutes we told her that they had all called in sick that day. You can get away with a lot with someone who can’t read.

On the 5th day we went to a water park. In brief, to take the exciting 20 second raft trip down the chutes, you first have to climb the 8 flights of stairs up to the top. I went on 2 of those and then retired to the kiddie pool with the munchkin.

Day 6 was 18 holes of miniature golf and off to the airport where we discovered our flight was delayed for 90 minutes. In all, we were in the airport for about 6 hours, but everyone was so tired it was more relaxing rather than upsetting. At the airport my whackjob magnet kicked in when this skinny chick who worked there proceeded to show me all of her tattoos, much to the annoyance of my little Ecuadorian.

Back to Knucksline:

Your recent “Doc Says” was depressingly magnificent. Halfway through it even I thought I had written it. If I have become that predictable, I’ll have to make some changes fast.

Just because I’m gone does not give you the green light to torture the amicis with multiple operas. We hate it. It sucks. We don’t even play the clips, but get annoyed that they are there. Knock it off!

The Volvo is heavy. We got it. Unfortunately, in our world, except for diamonds, things don’t get better just because they weigh more. I could be cruel here, but I am turning over a new leaf.

A little welcome back music of my own.



Have a great week
Doc

This one is for Doc (to get his blood flowing again) ...

Amici:

The Doc’s recent trip to Disney with his wife, daughter and granddaughter has left him a bit run down ... what with no booze allowed in the park and marijuana sniffing pooches every ten feet, the compassionate one was forced to mingle with the dwarfs and wait on lines (and without his ability to twice weekly insult the ugly one, his beloved New York State Buffalo Bills (who didn’t lose last week) and/or our faltering fast President). So, with Doc in mind, here we go ...

The Tea Party ... it’s a great idea and something many Americans can relate to in these terrible economic times, but the problem with the movement has to do with the apparently batshit candidates who have come to its forefront (see link below). Even if you were to give people like Sara Palin a pass (and TK doesn’t) for having zero knowledge of the world at large (home or abroad), some of the other candidates are downright scary (i.e., Paladino, Angle, O’Donnell, et al). And let’s face it, when candidates are so scary or unknowledgeable as to make Sara Palin seem “pass worthy”, your movement is in deep shit.

Deep shit or batshit?


Watching Wall Street get bailed out with our money by the bozos they own in our government (the same ones we elect over and over and over again), brought a new level of frustration to the American workforce. Nothing quite like the frustration the French are showing these days (imagine having a 4 week vacation and a 60 year retirement age?) The French are revolting over a two year hike in the retirement age and while we might find that greedy, the French have no shortage of millionaires of their own.

Labor there isn’t so quick to acquiesce and whatever happens in France regarding the proposed upward adjustment to their retirement age, here we’ve been given the shaft by a government that not only doesn’t provide national health insurance, it bends over backwards to placate corporations at the expense of its workforce.

While we have zero problem with candidates without a Harvard or Yale degree or who can’t cite Supreme Court cases or who may have a checkered past (to include, drugs, alcohol, an arrest record and/or infidelity), we do have a problem with candidates who say things that are either silly or crazy. There is no denying that those with the Ivy League degrees and high profile corporate backgrounds are the ones who’ve bailed out Wall Street, got us into wars we can’t seem to get out of and ignored and denied basic constitutional rights (i.e., gays to marry, serve in the military without denying their sexuality, etc.). The same highbrows have allowed corporations to ruin local economies and the environment (i.e., BP). Both the previous and current administrations are the ones who permitted (and continue to permit) corruption and waste and the fleecing of America.

I know of several people without Washington qualifications who have been incredibly successful ... several from little old Canarsie (Starbucks, Howard Shultz; the Cerami brothers, Tom and Joe (one an ex-marine and corporate executive, the other a West Point Graduate and professor in Texas; Frank Morogiello, an Executive with American Airlines in Dallas and Lou Montella, an executive with a freight carrier).

Common sense is a good thing, no doubt, but the Tea Party has become nothing short of scary. The fact the GOP has now become dependent on its support is even scarier. The only lesson we think liberal democrats might take from the tea party movement is that there really is a way to influence the DNC ... but that would require liberal democrats growing a pair of balls and that just doesn’t seem to be in the cards. Instead, liberal democrats here have taken to following the lead of a party that ignores them by bashing the irrelevant on the other side of the political aisle and focusing all their energy on rewarding the same people who have ignored them to the point of labeling them the “professional left.”

And, of course, they ignore the following ...

Goldman Sachs reported net revenues of $8.9 billion and net earnings of $1.90 billion for its 3Q. Goldman Sachs thanks you, President Obama ... and obviously President Obama has thanked Goldman Sachs right back.

Campaign contributions from Goldman Sachs employees to President Obama are nearly seven times as much as President Bush received from Enron workers, according to numbers on OpenSecrets.org.

And then there’s this guy ...



“They’re gonna get what they voted for.”

Tell me about it, brother.

—Knucks

Welcome Sarina! ... the Volvo ... John Fante ... Dame Joan ... Rigoletto ...

Amici:

Doc is back (oh, joy) and today my beloved New York State Buffalo Bills can’t lose (bye week) but the real good news is a cousin from way back in my Canarsie past has surfaced (god bless the Internet) ... cousin Sarina Prizza lives in Australia these days and we reconnected this week. I can’t tell you how cool this is ... her Dad and Mom, Uncle Joe and Aunt Bright Eyes (how we knew them) lived on 81st Street in Canarsie and were always the most gracious hosts when Mom and Pop Stella (Uncle Tommy & Aunt Hope--before the Stella family scandal), shipped us (my sister and myself) off to 81st for some overnight entertainment with two of the brightest kids in Canarsie. Sarina’s brother John is a lawyer (but we don’t hold that against him) and Sarina has lived in Spain and now Australia with her husband; they have three kids. Uncle Joe was the greatest, really. I remember him taking all of us to the beach at Coney Island and always felt very protected around him. Sarina’s mom and my grandfather (Carmelo--whom I’m named after) were siblings.

Of course it’s the white sharks and all those poisoned jellyfish (not to mention crocs) that will keep the ugly one from swimming in the seas off the coast down under, but Tom Cerami (who lived directly across the street from Uncle Joe and Aunt Rose Stella on 95th Street) I know went diving with his wife in those waters (Tom, a former marine, was always a lot braver than moi). Obviously, so is his wife. Crocodiles (and alligators) remain a constant ugly one nightmare (the one where the alligators and crocs are all over the living room floor and Rigoletto is running around between them while I’m on the couch trying to get him) ... the dream ends with me using a bazooka on the house (although I always think of that AFTER I wake up).

Hey, they even made a movie about Sarina’s clan (Prizzi’s Honor) ... just joking amici, it was Momma Stella’s side of the family that was mobbed up ... Gazut (Gasper) and Aldo Calderazzo. Gazut was one of Tony Spilatro’s victims (one of the holes in the desert in the movie Casino) when he was sent to Vegas for some of the New York skim. Aldo identified his brother’s body.

Welcome Sarina to Knucksworld (I’ll fill her in on the Knucksline silliness in emails) ... and here’s the best part: She’s a Soprano’s fan. How cool is that? I’m sending her all the Stella books Monday so she can read up on where (and what) she lived amongst back in the day. Canarsie was one of the most mobbed up little burgs in New York at one time ... think Goodfellas (the Luchesi Family) ...

The Volvo ... the tank is a beast and with all the yellow stripes I had on the Honda from tagging cabs in Manhattan when they did that driving in two lanes bullshit, now I can count the ones I’ll put on the sidewalk. What’s that line again? “Come on, cabbie, make my day ...”


Wait Until Spring, Bandini ... a John Fante book every eye-talian should read was recommended by the fun fellas at Men Reading Books (because I’m an eye-talian?) ... what a GREAT read. I’ll be ordering the rest of Fante’s books soon as I catch up on some others I’m reading through now (currently, When Pride Still Mattered: A life of Vince Lombardi) ...

Speaking of Vince ... or, as he’s better known at Casa Stella, GOD.



RIP Dame Joan Sutherland ... perhaps the greatest soprano ever passed last week. She took the fat man under her thumb and brought perhaps the greatest tenor ever to light.

No, not me, Doc, Pavarotti ...

Hey, Sarina also likes opera! Here’s one for her (and the Doc) ... from the opera named after my dog (or vice versa), Rigoletto ...

Okay, I gotta go see Momma Stella now ... Don Corleone is anxious to give her sonny boy a big kiss on the chops and her sonny boy can’t wait to break her shoes ...

—Knucks