Tommy Red

Tommy Red
The Progressive Killer

Our motto ...

Leave the (political) party. Take the cannoli.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela

Right now 6 Stella crime novels are available on Kindle for just $.99 ... Eddie's World has been reprinted and is also available from Stark House Press (Gat Books).

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Charles (not Charlie) gradumacates (again) ... Buon Compleanno, Carmelo, Florian Maas & Marilyn Monroe ... 3 Year Old Flashback ...

Amici:

Today, June 1st, this handsome marathon running fella (pictured dancing with his lovely bride, Leslie) at their wedding this past September 11, 2010 gradumacates (Popeye speak) from Baruch with an MBA. Charles (not Charlie) delivers the goods on his Phat Dad’s 55th Birthday ... it’s a beautiful thing.


Don’t ask me WTF an MBA is, but I suspect it has to do with making fazools (legitimately) ... or at least under the guise of legitimacy ... whatever, the kid worked his ass off (going to school nights while working days and barely missing an opportunity to work OT when it was available) ... toss in a couple of marathons (Delaware and New York) and a sudden love of opera (that’s what I’m talking about) and what you have is Sir Charles of Stella. We’re all very proud of the kid. Today we’ll be at his ceremony at the Javitz Center ... I love me some gradumacational celebrationals ... that boy, he’s so edumacated ...

See, all very legitimate.


That’s a picture of my sister (his Aunt Del) and her dog (Lilly) on his shirt (what he wears when he runs marathons). We’re all proud of that too. Adele and Lilly both passed a few years ago.


She talkin’ to me?
Okay, I didn’t think so. Enough with that beast talk.


That’s what I’m talkin’ about ... out of work and no place to go ... but back to work? Bummer, dude.


Walking to Beethoven ... okay, so I’ve now finished four long Symphony Number 9 walks (up and down hills) in the heat of the day (an hour and nine minutes, start to finish) and although the shin splints were plenty painful come the evening, the pounds are melting off (oy vey, was that a softball served to Doc or what?) ... I’m coming down like a rocket ... 7 pounds down in 9-10 days; the combination of long-ass aerobic sessions (gym and walking) and really watching what I consume is definitely making a difference ... that or its cancer. Bottom line, I may just break three bills before my return from Shutter Island end of June.

It’s been a productive summer (thank you, Blank Rome) ... I finished a full-length 3 Act play about my crazy family ... I wrote a draft of one novel, junked it and started another (that one is just beyond the midway point and will survive--Jimmy (Bench Press) Mangino is back). I’ll be working on the literary novel in the MFA program (and hopefully won’t junk it ... again).

In the meantime, life is good. At 55, it could end tomorrow and I’d still be a happy Phat Dad ... forgetaboutit ...

And here’s a 3-Year Old Flashback interview from Gelf Magazine’s Non-motivational speaker series ... the Baltimore Noire Short Story (Ode to the O’s) ... click on this link and hear/watch the ugly one explaining Ode to the O’s ... and reading a bit from it ... 3 years ago ... check out the Pavarotti-like towel.

I will be slipping off the diet wagon this evening with a stop at our favorite Mexican joint for dinner and a few beers ... but then Thursday I’ll be back on the wagon with gusto.

And happy birthday to two hot tomatas in their own right, Florian Maas & Marilyn Monroe (us June 1st babies ... hey, what can I say)? We’re on fire ...





—Carmelo/Charlie/Knucks/Spiranza’s Sonny Boy ... the ugly one

Monday, May 30, 2011

The Doc says ...

Amici:

For those unfamiliar with Temporary Knucksline, this is our (now) monthly disclaimer ... TK allows one commentator aside from the ugly Knuckster ... that commentator is the Doc ... or, as he’s known around here (sarcasm intended), signor compassion (his columns are titled "The Doc says"). Doc usually has two favorite targets ... President Obama and yours truly. Occasionally (like today) he also picks on either our super dog (Rigoletto) and/or our super mouse (Spartacus). He shoots from just right of (crazy) Sara Palin’s porch politically and is an expert marksman. He is also a hell of a writer (has written a terrific survival novel we all hope gets picked up soon). So, welcome to Temporary Knucksline (TK). Those unfamiliar with the drivel here, try not to be offended ... and if you are, imagine you’re me. Trust me, it ain’t easy being me ...

Doc writes to TK in the form of letters. So, hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s, le Doc:

Yo Knuckster,

We need to have an intervention concerning these foreign films. Quite frankly, this douchebaggery has got to stop. The amicis know you are in between careers and I’m sure they are quite sympathetic to your situation. Rubbing their faces with the fact that you are wandering around Casa Stella in your Buffalo Bills Snuggie, smoking that silly pipe, wearing your beret and affecting some ridiculous French accent while speaking to your imaginary talking mouse, while waiting for the next inane foreign film to begin is just rude.

A quick pop quiz for the amicis:

Do the trailers for the foreign films have subtitles???????????????
It’s very quiet… I’m hearing crickets… tumbleweed is blowing by.

No one answered because nobody watches the freaking trailers. Good God, the trailers make me long for the good old days of the opera snippets. I didn’t watch those either, but at least I could feel cosmopolitan that I had opera videos in my email.

Now, on to your astute political appraisals.

48% does not exactly qualify as a resounding victory. Now I know in North Dakota the math is a little different, but 48% means that most people did not want this muppet to win. They couldn’t get together on who they did want, but it wasn’t the Democrat.

Once again the repubicans have shown up to a street fight with those giant foam rubber boxing gloves they give out at Chuck E. Cheese while the dimocrats are doing Joe Pesci from Goodfellas and borrowing Mom’s butcher knife to cut the deer out of the grill.

The Repubicans better learn fast or they will find a Tea Party candidate in every upcoming election sucking up just enough votes for them to lose. The Tea Party guy in the NY election had run a few times before as a democrat.

But let’s move on to a more lighthearted subject. Joplin, Missouri has been blown off the map and Fredo spent the week in the Emerald Isles celebrating his Irish heritage. Has any president ever been as tone deaf as Fredo? If Tasmanian frog humpers were a large enough voting bloc he would claim that he too was a Tasmanian frog humper and then affect the appropriate accent.

Okay, well that wasn’t as light hearted as I wanted, but I’ve got nothing else. I could always fell back on you and “Glee”, but that’s such an easy shot I’ll save that for when I’m too rum-soaked to come up with anything original.

FLY YOUR FLAG!

Your pal,
Doc

Friday, May 27, 2011

Need Juice? ... Alma Mahler ... two more foreign flicks ... NY-26 ...

Amici:
Need Juice? ... Try this (below). You aren’t psyched by the crescendos, you’ve already died ...



Aphrodisiac or just nice music to bump uglies by? Nah, nothing to do with sex, but a whole lot to do with despair ... it gets a mention in the first line of my attempt at a literary novel, mostly because of the scribbling the composer attached to the sheet music ... Alma wasn’t being faithful and Gustav found out ... “Du allein weisst was es bedeutet!” (You alone know what it means). A reference to the shared experience the couple had with a funeral march--a drum beat specifically.



Human Resources ... a kid returns from school to work as a trainee in Human Resources for the same factory his father has been working at for 30 years ... the 35 hour workweek is the issue ... the politics are ruthless and although there are few surprises, it was a good reminder of why greed isn’t good ...



Russian Dolls ... a fun movie crossing many borders ... good stuff ... as in funny and heartwarming and a nice break in the pace.


Need Politics? NY-26 was a resounding call to back the fock off to the tea party and the GOP (but will the GOP ever find the guts to tell the tea party to fock off?) If they can’t win in their own backyard, it’s gonna be even uglier in 2012.

Democrat Kathy Hochul came from behind in the campaign's last weeks to defeat GOP nominee Jane Corwin, 48 percent to 42 percent. Tea party candidate Jack Davis took 8 percent of the vote.

The problem is “their” message was never representative of the entire country. Yes, the entire country (or most of it) is fed up with ALL the politicians (Democrats and Republicans alike) in D.C. who represent corporation interests and their own skins before any of us, but going the “give them more freedom to do so” mentality has finally scared enough on the right to realize all this talk of “freedom” has little to do with their liberty and a whole lot more to do with the profits attainable by those who already have the gelt to work with.

The problem is their numbers continue to shrink, as does their viability and credibility ... and their spirited appeals to an ideology rather than problem solving more often than not makes them look downright silly.

In fact, the resounding response in NY-26 is pretty similar to the rest of the civilized country ... and here it is:




—Knucks

Monday, May 23, 2011

A Somewhat Gentle Man ... The Forest for the Trees ... Socialist my butt ...

Amici:

A Somewhat Gentle Man ... This was weird and wonderful. Funny to no end ... intriguing and just plain interesting ... and without any of the usual beautiful people most films require. Very highly recommended.




The Forest for the Trees ... this one will make you cringe at every turn ... a naive small town woman who’s just broken up with her high school sweatheart (an 8 year relationship) moves to a bigger city in Deutschland and is confronted with some urban pie-in-the-eye brats to teach mid-semester. She has zero socialization skills, is needy to the point of obsessive and it just is soooo hard to watch, yet you can’t take your eyes away from the screen.


The Disgraced Head of IMF ... let’s see, not only was this socialist was willing to fork over $3,000 a night for a hotel, he gets $349,000 in compensation from being the head of the IMF, as well as $100,000 a year pension (conviction or not). Maybe the anarchists are right after all ... make it one big focking free-for-all ...

—Knucks

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Eightball Boogie ... Edukators ... $3,000 a night ... The Govinator ... Glee (Disc 2/Season 2) ...

Amici:

I had been meaning to read Declan Burke for about a year now. Burke came very highly recommended by Dana King. Being a big King fan (Dana, not Stephen), I was at one of his blog sites the other day and saw the name (Declan Burke) again and was fortunate enough to make it to the amazon site before being interrupted and forgetting what I was doing on the computer (which happens way too often of late). I searched through some of the titles, then saw where Eightball Boogie was available on kindle. Bada-boom, bada-bing, one click, etc.

Clever writing is something I enjoy. So is smart writing. Add some black humor to the mix, dialogue that smacks you with a smile and a genuine sense that the author knows well the surroundings/history, etc., of which he (or she) writes and you have a perfect storm of terrific reading. Harry Rigby is a “research consultant” (clever in itself) ... a self-loather of the first ilk, but one with a sense of justice balanced by pragmatism; you do what you can when you can do it. He’s got a particularly nasty brother he hasn’t seen in four years, a wife who doesn’t love him/nor he her, but they share a son they both love dearly. Trouble brews when the wife of a prominent politician offs herself (except she didn’t -- it look more like murder) ... one of Harry’s few friends has the pictures ... there’s the beautiful Kate (brother, did I want a date with her--proving I have some of this self-loathing thing in me as well because her comebacks rival Rigby's) ... treachery abounds and it’s Christmas, for fucks sake. No spoilers here, but this is terrific writing that shouldn’t be missed; something my compassionate friend Doc will thoroughly enjoy for sure (his being a Jack Taylor fan and all).

Harry Rigby, the ultimate anti-hero, fights his own demons (including a death wish except for protecting his son) and some of the corrupt and powerful in and around his home town when murder comes a knockin’ at Christmas ... nothing short of brilliant writing is the highlight of Eightball Boogie ... absolutely brilliant writing.


The Edukators ... radicals socialist/communists vs. capitalism(ist) ... an interesting story that quickly turns thriller when the best laid plans of best buddies veers out of control. Interesting stuff ... worth the time ... loved the open ending.




The head of the IMF is a rapist ... okay, so shoot his dick off ... but what is infuriating to me is the following: The 32-year-old maid told authorities that when she entered his spacious, $3,000-a-night suite early Saturday afternoon, she thought it was unoccupied. 3 dimes a night? ... Are you kidding me? And he’s a socialist? He’s not my kind of socialist. Oy vey ...


Baseball hall of famer, Harmon Killebrew passed away on Monday ... he was one of the truly great ones ... hit 40 homers in 8 consecutive seasons when home runs weren’t juiced, fences weren’t moved in and the pitching wasn’t diluted into the mostly garbage it is today.


The Govinator is a Daddy! Oy vey, he planted his seed inside a former staff member ... his wife upped and left ... now he can go back to making terrible movies again ...

Glee Season 2/Disc 4 ... hey, we’re Gleeks and proud ... but I wanna be the Gleek of the week! How does one do this? Gwyneth Paltrow stars in episode 7 (hilarious and fun) ... proving that Gleeks can be cooler than all yous cynical types out there ...




—Knucks

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Happy Birthday Boo-Dee-Bah! Bin Laden & Porn ... Shutter Island ...

Amici:
Dustin William Stella is now 27 years young ... a mixture of eye-talian, Deutschland, with a bit of Holl√§nder and the Frenchman in him ... named after the actor, Dustin Hoffman, after his mother and I saw Mr. Hoffman perform in Death of a Salesman on Broadway, the Boo-Dee-Bah’s second name comes from his mother’s father (Grandpa Bill). Dustin spent Thursday night with Ann Marie and I at Casa Stella where we feasted on steak and burgers and they all made fun of my upcoming prison sentence on Shutter Island for the MFA program I’m enrolled in. Dustin is the youngest Stella brat, an incredibly good ball-breaker, devout Buffalo Bills fan, a football fanatic and one hell of a debater. He has the biggest heart (among other things) in the world and that’s what makes his old man most proud. Dustin's birthday falls on my father's birthday as well (Poppa Tommy). My father and sister and I were all present when the Boo-Dee-Bah was born ... one of the better memories for this cranky old man. We love you, Boo-Dee-Bah!

Happy Birthday, Boo-Dee-Bah!

Buon compleanno, Duster Babe!

Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!

Joyeux anniversaire!

Gelukkige Verjaardag!

Oy vey ... Happy Birthday, son.



Bin Laden was into porn ... I guess he couldn’t wait for those 72 virgins ... the questions is, of course, did he read Johnny Porno? Could he have possibly been reader # 17? If he was, that was the magic number (pre-picked by Knucks himself) ... he could’ve won a T-shirt!

Star or Shutter Island?

As the start of the MFA program edges ever closer, the family is having fun at the ugly one’s expense. Showers every other day ... not much electric ... no locks on the doors ... communal dining ... fresh water delivered to your door every morning ... oy vey ... couldn’t they charge us a few extra coins and pick Paradise Island?


Dustin William Stella is President for the day ... so, without further ado ... Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

—Knucks (the very proud Papa)

Thursday, May 12, 2011

The Doc says ...

Amici:

He's back from his five or six day (drinking binge) respite ... and he's not happy about the foreign film reviews ... or anything else, it seems. Here he is now, le Doc ...


Jayzus, Chaz,

What the Hell is going on? I go on a bender for a few days and look what happens. We’re doing film reviews from Uzbeckistan. Who the fuck cares? We used to be a hard-hitting news blog. Now we do foreign film reviews with a little bit of sports. Give me and the Principessa a little gardening spot and we’ll be NPR on the weekend (minus the communists).

“We don’t spike the football.” Yeah, but we’re certainly not averse to walking around with it for a week or two. You would think Fredo busted the cap on Osama himself. I decided/my plan/my decision/my men/I thought/I said. This jerkoff has an ego bigger than your pizza bill. Not that I knock it. I hope he gets a good taste of this and decides to knock off a couple more terrorists next week.

Meanwhile, the guys who got the information that bagged Osama are still up on charges. Fredo don’t believe in water-boarding. Fredo believes in shooting unarmed men in the face. That gives you a 3% boost in the polls.

And what’s this shit about washing his body for 45 minutes? You know those Navy guys were stapling slabs of bacon to his chest and stuffing his pockets with pork rinds.

On a melancholy note, there are a bunch of love-starved goats in Pakistan crying themselves to sleep tonight.

On The Homefront I’m glad to hear that your exercise regimen is going well. I was devastated when the doctor diagnosed you with that flesh-eating disease and gave you only 125 years to live.

Stay strong, Kahuna
Doc

For all you outlaw country amicis (I’m guessing… Michelle)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Foreign Flicks (including a Turkish Bukowski) ... a Staten Island Flick ... A Visit from the Goon Squad ... Two-a-days ...

Amici:

Slovenian Girl ... thinking about being a call girl someday? This is a masterfully dark movie exhibiting some of the pitfalls of doing so. The movie also goes by the American title, A Call Girl, but Slovenian Girl is much more appropriate. An out of shape German official attending a European summit in Slovenia takes two Viagra in anticipation of a student/call girl’s arrival. He drops dead ... the thriller begins. Fair warning ... it ain’t Glee.

Terribly Happy ... a dark Danish flick with quite a few twists ... scary dark, in fact. A cop with a recently bad gun experience is punished by being sent to work in a small town ... beware little towns everywhere, I guess ... Good, not great ... but it’ll make you think and the surprises were clever.

Staten Island Flicks ... speaking of clever, this kid has the goods. From terrific family stock (incredible work ethic) and loaded with talent ... and most important in all things art, he’s fearless. TK says: You want Hollywood, kid? Go for it, Eric.

Favorite lines in the trailer:

Eric, no. Eric, not now!
It’s like my ass is throwing up.
Oh, my God, Eric! Are you kidding me?
Call a doctor, that’s not normal.
Ma, what would you like me to do with the mail ... in the shower?
Eric, where are my drill bits?
Not now.
He loses everything!
He doesn’t have to yell at me like that.


More of Eric’s film flicks are available on his site (link above) ... the rap song (Fancy Shorts) is hilarious ... we’ll be featuring Eric and his flicks here at TK from time to time ...

Some background: the boss, my much better-looking half, the Principessa Ann Marie, the freckled one, the wife, the rack (Ann Marie), works with Eric’s Mom, another Ann Marie ... which often makes my calling her job a bit of a pain in the ass because I’m not sure which name to ask for: (i.e., Is Ann Marie there? Ann Marie Cucci. I mean Cucci-Stella. WTF is a Cucci-Stella? Exactly. Thank you. She couldn’t make it easy and leave it Stella. Not my tomata ... no way. She had to put that bug up my ass ... you think it’s bad calling her workplace, try picking up her medicine at the focking drug store. “Cucci. C-U-C-C-I.” After twenty minutes of nothing ... “Try Stella, please. S-T-E-L-L-A.” Bada-boom, bada-bing ... it’s ALWAYS under Stella ... until I ask for Stella first. Then we gotta go through the focking Cucci routine again. Forgetaboutit ...

2011 Pulitzer Winner ... oy vey, last week I called it the 2010 winner ... Jennifer Egan’s, A Visit from the Goon Squad ... sometimes I need a few reads before I get it. This one will require a third read. I went about 18% (Kindle Speak) the first read, thought the writing impressive, but I wasn’t getting it. Gave up and read something else ... finished that and gave Goon Squad a 2nd shot. Made it to 86% and again thought the writing was impressive but I wasn’t getting the storylines ... again. Sometimes that happens (although the chapter of Powerpoint Presentation was particularly irksome to me because a) I was on the elliptical and it was damn near impossible for me to read on my kindle and b) I don’t like focking puzzles when I’m reading a book (I’m Gumby, damn it!). Anyway, I’m reading something else now (Season of Ice) by one of the MFA instructors (Diane Les Becquets, an unpronounceable name in Brooklynese) where I’ll be starting the program in June. That one I’m getting. I’ll give Goon Squad another shot before giving up ... and yes, I will start from scratch again. I’ve had to do that with a few books through the years and most often I wind up okay with them. This one I’m not so sure, but it will get effort number three (I did buy the thing), but after that, La Commedia √® finita!

Head-On ... A Turkish Bukowski (without the writing) ... oy vey, this film had me laughing out loud (no LOL’s here amici) ... two people (Turks living in Germany) determined to kill themselves meet up after the guy (after getting seriously wasted on beer & booze) drives his car into a wall ... he’s Turkish and so is the woman he meets in the mental bin afterwards (also there for trying to whack herself) Turkish ... but her family is the seriously Turkish kind (she has to marry another Turk) ... so she asks our Turk (Bukowski) if he’d marry her (Mr. Bukowski, meet Mrs. Bukowski) ... it’s a wild ride but I was hooked early on and didn’t let go. Well worth the length (which is long) ... time flies when you’re about to die.

Two-a-Days ... no, not eating two pizza pies a day ... the ugly one has entered the two-a-day phase of working out aerobically ... walking 40-55 minutes mornings and about the same time in the gym (elliptical, treadmill & bike) afternoons ... after two days of two-a-days, of course, I’m crippled ...

—Knucks

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother’s Day ...Project Updates ... Home Depot Van ... Jar City ...

Amici:

I love my Mommy! Happy Mother’s Day, Spiranza! The picture up top is my Mom’s family about 60 years or so ago. That’s Zia Fran (Disney Fran) bottom middle, Nani and Gramps (Theresa & Pietro) with Zia Vincenza (Aunt Vinnie) top left, Spiranza (Hope) top middle and Zia Josephina (Aunt Joe) top right. It’s just my Mom and Disney Fran left from the picture, but kids and grandkids abound. Mom was born in the small town of Settefrati, Italia, a bit north of Naples. That’s where my Mom’s mom was also born. Gramps was from Naples proper, had joined the Navy, apparently jumped ship in New York and could never return to Italy. He met his wife in America and they married in New York. Nani (Theresa) had her first two kids (Aunt Joe & my Mommy) in Italy, making ocean trips back and forth a few times before finally settling in New York.


Today I return one of a billion favors and cook some Bolognese gravy (sauce to yous nons) with Rigatoni ... forgetaboutit, the 2nd best. Nobody’s gravy beats Mom’s ...


A TK project update for the ugly one (that Stella character) ...
Anticipation and Dread (a play in 3 acts). Done; rewriting/reader feedback on Act I.
Star Island (new crime novel featuring Jimmy Mangino); original draft at 12,000+ words
I Stop the World (mix literary/crime(I hope)) current rewrite at 67,000+ words
Liebestod (literary novel); current rewrite (#10) at 17,000+ words; the novel I hope to work on in the MFA program because I sure can use the help ...


Nautical Knucks ... my MFA classes begin in 5-6 weeks on Star Island off the coast of New Hampshire ... the Star Island crime novel came to me a few days ago (5 actually) and it’s been humming along nicely. In a slight panic about the MFA classes and where they’re being held (Star Island) after a few days on campus, the boss/wife and I came up with this: A retired cop with the Organized Crime Unit drops off his wife at Star Island for a decoupage class she’s taking and spots a guy in the witness protection program; unhappy in his marriage and anxious to escape, the retired cop makes a deal with the retired head of the Vignieri family ... (something like that, thus far).


We had to buy a new screen door. We had hired some dipshit off of Craig’s list to perform the actual work of installation, etc. some three weeks ago ... but then he bailed out without the decency of a phone call ... so, carpenter Knucks to the rescue? Hold your horses, Kimosabe, let’s not get carried away. I can drive the thing/screen door home, but that’s about it ... so off we went to Home Depot, where, as it turns out, they allowed me to use one of their vans for FREE to transport said screen door ... how cool is that? If I do ever find another job, I hope it is driving an industrial van because that was soooooooooooo much fun. I felt like Ralph Kramden driving a bus ...


Jar City ... a really good murder mystery from Iceland ... with the most gross eating scene I’ve ever witnessed (has to do with Sheep’s head) ... oy vey, drive up sheep’s head convenience stores(?) ... this one has to do with genetics and bad guys and a penal system (at least the penitentiaries there) that seem way too liberal for my taste. A very good movie yous should catch.
Jar City Trailer

And to all you mothers out there, TK wishes all a’yous a Very Happy Mother’s Day!

—Knucks

Friday, May 6, 2011

GLEE - Season Two (Brittany v. Puck) ... Cinco De Mayo ... is UBL really dead?

Amici:

Hey, make fun all yous want, the first disc of Season Two arrived the other day and we were on it like the Seals on Bin Laden. The boss popped it in while we feasted on some serious barbecued steak. It was a most productive day for the ugly one; 63 minutes of aerobics, 4,000+ words on a novel, a good 2 hours of rewriting a play, at least two hours of torturing political blog sites (left & right alike) and about an hour of reading the Pulitzer Prize Winner for Fiction in 2010, A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan. So, add Glee to the mix and forgetaboutit ... paradiso.


The first disc had the first 4 episodes of Season Two. Auditions for new Glee members (1) because Puck is now a juvie(?) ... the hottest episode (2) features Brittany/Brittany (madonna mia, that kid can dance) ... three is grilled Cheeses (Jesus), fun, but then Kurt’s Dad suffers a heart attack and finally Duets (episode 4) ... Brittany’s lines are dynamite, her words of wisdom inspire ... and personally I think she should run for President. The boss is very upset there wasn’t much Puck thus far (what you get for liking badasses, honey) ... so now we mail the first disc back and await the second (episodes 5-8) ... life, like Brittany, is beautiful ...

The wife went to work depressed about Puck (the wannabe) but the ugly one is smiling ear to ear because Brittany will be asked (begged, really) to serve in the Curmudgeon Administration as anything she wants.

Cinco De Mayo ... we celebrated last night at our favorite Mexican Restaurant in beautiful downtown Woodbridge ... Garibaldi Restaurant, 96 Main St # B, Woodbridge, NJ 07095-2886. The ugly one has now leaped back to the 325 (maybe more) ... what’s up with that?

OBL/UBL ... or just plain Bin Laden ... is he or isn’t he dead? TK has come up with a way for the good old US&A to cut the national debt while simultaneously satisfying all the loons (mostly on the right) who might think Bin Laden’s death was staged. Aside from the fact this country has ZERO ability to maintain secrets (i.e., see Nixon, Clinton, Reagan, et al), the number of people required to maintain a conspiracy such as those whackjobs (mostly on the right) are suggesting would be GINORMOUS (and a guarantee somebody would spill the beans {for the gelt} and the best laid plans of Mice and Men would not only go awry, they’d go global). It wasn’t bad enough the GOP made fools of themselves over the birth certificate. Now they want to make fools of themselves of the most wanted person in the world’s death.

Here’s how to satisfy everyone AND cut our national debt: Pay-per-view of the entire operation. You know this thing was filmed (we know from the video of Bin Laden’s bloody bedroom -- it was videoed) ... helmet cams are the new thing (being used for QB’s in the NCAA--QB helmet Cams) ... so, charge $100 per household and forgetaboutit ... goodbye big chunk of the national debt. I know I’d buy it. I’m pretty sure most of the holier than thous out there who don’t want to view violence of any kind would probably buy it too.

Okay, that’s the Curmudgeon Party’s launching pad for the 2012 Presidential Elections. All the bullshit going on in Congress between two parties with a dirty pubic hair between them (one is one dirty pubic hair to the left of the other) and a certified putz like myself comes up with a capitalist way (via socialism) to cut the deficit. The state will have owned the means of production (Navy Seals), the weapons and cameras used, as well as distribution (FOX) ... bada-boom, bada-bing. I bees a genius.

The Bills may sign Randy Moss ... Oh, Mother of Mercy ... say it ain’t so ...

—Knucks

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Doc on Bin Laden & Pakistani Real Estate ...

Hey Chaz,

I was surprised to hear you knew that Bin Laden was dead because I know they don’t interrupt French films or “Glee” for breaking news flashes. I guess they assume that people who watch either dramatic event are in their own scary, little world and the less they are disturbed the better it is for all the rest of us.

Also, Bin Laden’s first name is now Usama, not Osama. What is it with these freaking people? Do Bin Laden and Daffy Qadaffi think that by changing the spelling they will totally confuse us and escape? Why don’t they take a bath and a shave. Now that would throw us off their track.

The reports seem to change hourly, but at present it seems that Osama was unarmed. That would tell me that this qualifies as an assassination. This has to make Obama’s pinko base more than a little confused. “W” always talked about taking evil doers, “dead or alive”, but look who got the first notch on their gun.

The news reports also gave me quite an insight into the real estate market in Pakistan. This was a million dollar mansion? This was a shit hole! Sure it was nicer than all the other shit holes on the block, but a shit hole none the less. Maybe he paid more for it since it looked like it was decorated by renowned interior designer, Fred Sanford.

Do you think our allies the Pakistanis still qualify for the billions of dollars we send them every year? They said they had no idea he was there. His “mansion” was across the street from the police station and 100 yards from the Pakistani version of West Point, but for six years no one recognized this six foot tall Arab living in the luxury hovel with the barb wire on top of the walls.

I especially liked the part where the Navy said that they interred him in compliance with Muslim protocol by burying him at sea. That sounds so much better than they threw him off the boat like an egg salad sandwich that had been too long in the sun. The White House says they might release those photos, but first they have to crop out all those seamen taking whizzes into the Arabian Sea. They also stated they didn’t want to bury him for fear of creating a shrine for terrorists. Nonsense! It could have been the Pakistani version of Old Faithful. Every 3 minutes to 4 hours (you have to guess which) a geyser of sarin gas would erupt around the tomb that would leave the religious faithful breathless.

You know, Chaz, why I haven’t been recruited by the U.N. or the Peace Corps just remains one of those freakin' mysteries of life.

All in all, ‘twas a good week, brother.
Doc

Monday, May 2, 2011

Obama’s week ...

Amici:


First there was the slap down of The Donald and all his other GOP potential 2012 opponents. It was Obama at his best; self deprecating, sharp, witty and pretty devastating. The follow up by Seth Myers was even better.

Obama and his comedian buddy kicked ass.

Then came the bigger news, the news that matters. After a presidency Temporary Knucksline has had little to no use for, President Obama did in 3 years what 8 years of George Bush’s incompetence (including starting a second war that had nothing to do with Bin Laden) could not accomplish. This President deserves major kudos for this accomplishment (and it is an accomplishment).

It also guarantees his second term. There’s nothing the GOP can do after The Donald made fools of their party (tea partiers included), some lunatics at FOX tried to question the long form birth certificate anyway, and now that Bin Laden is dead.

Obama and our Special Ops Forces (that Seal Team) kicked ass.

I’ll still not vote for a President who supported Wall Street at our expense. I’ll still not excuse his ignoring union workers in Wisconsin. I’ll never forgive his lack of consideration for workers in his bailout ... but I also won’t kid myself. In a country where reality TV rules the airwaves while our education system continues to crumble, I expect nothing different come 2012; libertarian and socialist candidates will be ignored during the debates, as will the most liberal and conservative mainstream party candidates.


Mr. Obama just won reelection. At least it was for a good reason; an actual accomplishment. Temporary Knucksline thanks him most sincerely.

—Knucks